This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Fri 23 Sep 11, 1:31 AM XskyeX UK(WA), 12 mths    |
is your "Relationship" built around BDSM? or is the "BDSM" built around your Relationship? I often wonder if i was to suddenly not want to, or couldnt for some reason or another do the BDSM anymore.... would there be anything left....Its just someone told me that thier love was built from the BDSM and i found it odd that BDSM came before love when it came down to the crunch I hope im getting my point across ok as im a bit tired To the world, You are one person. But to one person, you might be the world. | |
| 23 Sep 11, 7:14 AM Souci_X UK(BA), 5 yrs  |
My relationship is built around what we are together and what he is, that shifts and changes so no it isn't built around BDSM in any way and for me personally there are plenty of reasons to be with him other than that element. I think after this I wouldn't ever want to go back to a realtionship where D/s is the only or even the main thing holding us together. I don't think I would find that at all fulfilling. Edited 23 Sep 11, 7:16 AM by Souci_X | |
| 23 Sep 11, 8:14 AM Honeyblue UK(B), 9 mths £ |
I believe that bdsm is a part of your character therefore its all one and the same. However, saying that me and my partner kept our kink sides hidden from each other for years and now we know we are a stronger couple. Its strange that you can be drawn to someone before you are aware that you both have a kink. I want to be as free in life as I am in my mind. | |
| 23 Sep 11, 9:22 AM canupleaseme UK(S), 3 yrs |
Ours began to build around bondage thats how and why we met, love came very quickly after that  Kink friendly Beauty therapist all enquiries welcome | |
| 23 Sep 11, 9:32 AM canius_femina UK(M), 13 mths |
When Master & i started O/our relationship neither of U/us mentioned that W/we had both dabbled, for want of a better word, in previous relationships, Him more than me. i fell in love with Him before bdsm was brought up, W/we had been seeing each other for about 5 months & He casually mentioned it over coffee and asked what i thought of it. i am the type of person who will try anything once, so thought "yeah why not" And i love it, it adds another facet to O/our relationship, when W/we go out W/we switch from vanilla to bdsm in the most public of settings, just little things like hair pulling, scratching, biting etc. Its a life W/we both love, and long may W/we continue to enjoy it. It doesnt rule O/our lives yet but if W/we both want it to then it will. | |
| 23 Sep 11, 11:20 AM XskyeX UK(WA), 12 mths |
really interesting responses its so good to get other peoples thoughts and experiences Thanks guys To the world, You are one person. But to one person, you might be the world. | |
| 23 Sep 11, 11:31 AM Ama_Sidero UK(GU), 7 yrs       |
For the other side.....
Our relationships are bdsm based. We love each other, there is no doubt of that. And we do do vanilla things together. But it is based on D/s at the most fundamental level. I think that while we would be friends on a vanilla level because we do understand and like each other, I don't think that it would function without bdsm. (I've just tried to picture in in my mind and it's beyond my conception, lol) But then, none of us are looking for a happily-ever-after mono live-together relationship, so it being bdsm-based works perfectly for us.
@Play_Space - First Birthday Bash THIS FRIDAY -http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/306786/4/... Road Trip to the Sea!!! Next tentatively planned in October.....Just elapsed...More info here:http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/305429/0/... | |
| 23 Sep 11, 12:00 PM JustTony UK(L), 17 mths |
In our case, the relationship comes first- the human connection. So we have similar communication styles, ethical standards, senses of humour- and she's just a really nice person to be around, despite wanting to do painful things to me all the time. But a vital reason why the overall connection works as well as it does is our D/s natures- i.e. she wants control of stuff, and I want to give it to her. I feel as if I ought to say that 'yes, we would live happily ever after if the D/s went away', but the fact is that part of the reason we got so keen on each other in the first place is that we are the people we are, in terms of D/s. If the D/s thing wasn't there to start with, we wouldn't have risked getting serious emotionally. But if the physical play/BDSM stuff went away because she couldn't physically do it anymore, then it wouldn't matter a jot to me. I'm far more attached to the psychological and emotional aspects of D/s and the relationship anyway, than I am to the physical BDSM part. If the psychological part of the D/s 'went away' that would be more difficult to deal with. But if it had changed because she went loopy and had to be locked up in a place where they do basket weaving on Wednesdays and take lots of medication, I'd support her just as I would a vanilla partner. So one's reaction does depend on the reason why the D/s ends, really. But fingers crossed it never will. She does love being in control- and I honestly can't see that ever changing, thankfully. | |
| 23 Sep 11, 12:06 PM fallenangel24 UK(PL), 12 mths |
With me and Sir need both aspects but if the d/s side stopped for a while i would still be here because i love him and even without the d/s side in vanilla life my Sir would still be the person i loved and our whole relastonship is build on much more than the d/s side of it. But we both love to play together and experiement with new things so i can't really see the d/s side dying ever. Sir's fallen angel, i live to serve him | |
| 23 Sep 11, 3:53 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs |
I only feel attracted to and thus seek and develop relationships with dominant men. Without that factor then I feel like a sister/brother relationship with a man however nice, compatible or good looking he might be. So the BDSM (or in my case more the D/s element) must be there first and then the rest follows if I also get on with him and want to develop something. | |
| 23 Sep 11, 6:36 PM etty_face UK(S), 4 yrs |
Our relationship always comes first- when we are both healthy, happy and loved up the BDSM element is at it's best. |
