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I don't want to do as I'm told!! Is it just me?? (36)

This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.

UK(CM), 23 mths

having read you situation it could be two things 1 as your in a ploy household some of it could be attention seeking even if your not doing it consciously, and the second is seeking the reinforcement of boundaries, if someone starts to feel a tiny bit insecure for what ever reason or just in an emotional rut, sometimes the result can be a sense of rebellion, not that they wish to succeed in their quest but more that they hope that they will be thwarted and some control & balance of boundaries will be restored??

or maybe your just playing up so you get a jolly good thrashing!!

If necessity is the mother of all invention, then assumption is the mother of all fuck ups

22 Sep 11, 7:42 PM
Sorceror
UK(HU), 9 yrs

fellatrix wrote:
i want to do as I'm told, I really do. But sometimes I wish what he tells me to do was more in step with what I want to do, if that makes sense.

Read this all ye male Doms and despair. For thus speaks the true voice of female "submissiveness".

S.x.

22 Sep 11, 7:44 PM
pinkylucy
UK(M), 9 yrs

Naughty_Amelia_Jane wrote:

I manage it most of the time but I do sometimes give in and do or don't do whatever it is that's against the rules. And then, for a moment, it's lovely to feel the rebellious thrill of disobedience. And that special joyous petulant feeling of 'you can't tell me what to do!'

Oh this! Completely this! That's the thing - it can feel exciting to be disobedient! It's a bit like drinking too much though - you get the fun part, but then you have to suffer the hangover.

But then I always feel so so guilty afterwards that it usually isn't worth it. Even if the powers that be never find out, (though they invariably do.) And the shame of disappointing them is awful. So I resolve to be 100% good, forever this time, and the battle begins again... sigh.

See I have a problem here. I find guilt and shame even more exciting than disobedience. The problem is the guilt and shame is also genuine and I do feel bad if I don't do as I'm told because I really don't want to upset Hartless cos I love her millions. I end up in the same place though - resolve to be good and begin again!

But it does feel good to be a good girl. And I know all the rules are actually sensible healthy rules. Well... Mostly.

Amelia Jane xxx

I'm beginning to admit it feels good to be a good girl .... sometimes. Today, however, in strop mode it just feels annoying and I'd rather pig out!

"Don't Dream It, Be It" - The Rocky Horror Show 1973

22 Sep 11, 7:50 PM
cheekyandtrouble
UK(SL), 2 yrs

LOL your not alone, me I have been known to have my moments/strops but also have been known to say im on sub strike till further notice in the past.

"There are no gains without pains" ~Benjamin Franklin

22 Sep 11, 7:56 PM
B1ueHeart
10 mths

JustTony wrote:
Sometimes it is hard to just obey, it really is. But in a way that is what makes it all the more fulfilling when you do. I feel sometimes as if most humans are almost genetically designed or hardwired to want to make decisions, and to assert our needs. So in my own case, being submissive is going against the grain of a lot of instinctive and culturally embedded thinking.

But we do it because we sort of have to, and it makes us feel good in some way I still don't understand, but vanilla relationships just can't do.

You're probably going to get lots of people saying you should just do what the hell you're told, and to some extent that's true. That is the relationship 'deal', in broad terms.

And reverse the roles- imagine how you'd feel if your dominant stopped being as controlling as she probably is? How would you feel if you came home from work wondering what you might be required to do, and she simply sighed and said 'I'm not feeling very dominant this week- just do as you please.'

Them being dominant towards you is part of their affection for you, and you'd miss it. And likewise perhaps your being submissive is part of your affection for them, so they might miss that submission as much as if you withdrew your more overt demonstrations of affection for them.

But on the other hand we are all only human, and dominance/submission are only a part of our characters. Sometimes my gf just wants us to just have a totally vanilla time together or watch a film, and sometimes she wants to be held in my arms like any vanilla woman.

Likewise sometimes a submissive will want to be a bit cheeky or assertive, or do what they want to do for a change. For me personally, its part of being human, and shows that the relationship is emotionally grounded.

If it happens too often or goes too far then maybe you are not the sort of submissive person you think you are (or want to be), but the odd lapse is surely just being human, and I bet many submissives occasionally struggle with obeying commands from their dominants.

(I think what I did there was try to explain to someone how to be a better submissive. Oh f**k! lol)

So how would you feel if you Dominant couldn't be bothered to be dominant? Sometimes, switching perspective really helps see the situation as a whole. I'm sure both subs and Dom/mes have off days and for me, it's where the relationship part comes in. It's easy to submit to things you want to, but submitting to things you don't want to (when not in the mood or otherwise) perhaps that's submission at its best?

22 Sep 11, 8:03 PM
SubWhisperer
UK, 5 yrs

Testing boundaries ?

Comes under the heading "brat" as far as i'm concerned - not suggesting that's a bad thing to be - depends on how your top controls it

Ever wondered who the devil comes to for ideas ?

22 Sep 11, 8:04 PM
etty_face
UK(S), 4 yrs

It's not unusual. I have my idealistic picture of submission... coming in from work, being pounced and giving him a hello orgasm, putting dinner on, cooking him a delicious meal, clearing the table and making the kitchen so clean it sparkles etc etc.

I have the right intentions but really what happens most nights is...

Work pisses me off, I come back exhausted, dive on the sofa, let him cook dinner, grumble at the dirty plates and ignore them, get into my pjs, watch TV and cuddle my guinea pig,go to bed.

It's because I don't want to be a good submissive, it's because I really don't feel up to it or have the energy most of the time. When he suggests something I so want to just do it- but I always open my mouth before thinking and snap about how tired I am, or what a shitty day it's been.

I'm a bundle of joy me =P

22 Sep 11, 8:11 PM
fellatrix
UK, 2 yrs

Sorceror wrote:

fellatrix wrote:
i want to do as I'm told, I really do. But sometimes I wish what he tells me to do was more in step with what I want to do, if that makes sense.

Read this all ye male Doms and despair. For thus speaks the true voice of female "submissiveness".

S.x.

Lol, I wasn't supposed to give away that secret was I?. I am quite well behaved though, and when I've done something I really didn't want to do I feel rather pleased with myself. I wouldn't really want things too easy.

22 Sep 11, 8:11 PM
Reversed
23 mths

Switch?

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.

22 Sep 11, 9:13 PM
Naughty_Amelia_Jane
UK(WC), 8 yrs

I don't think disobedience is the same thing as bratting and testing boundaries - unless you are disobeying for the sole purpose of getting caught and getting in trouble.

I always believe, for some reason, that I won't get caught when I disobey... but if I get asked about it I cannot lie as that seems like a really really bad thing to do! And anyway, I am no good at lying about that sort of thing..

But I don't think that the occasional disobedience makes someone a 'bad sub'. As long as you are trying to be good and genuinely wanting to please your owners then I think the occasional lapse of self-control and succumbing (especially to ever-tempting sensual pleasures of forbidden treats like chocolate!) should be seeen in a generous light.

But then I would say that wouldn't I?

Big kisses!

Amelia xxxx

Edited 22 Sep 11, 9:14 PM by Naughty_Amelia_Jane

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