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| FreeKinker |
on Sun 13 Feb 05, 4:20 PM to FreeKinker's blog.
Here's a questionaire I recently completed on the yahoo group Leatherchurch. Thought it would be good to post it here.
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BDSM QUESTIONNAIRE
1) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TYPE OF PLAY DURING A SCENE...? ..WHY?
It's not so much the what but the Dom and Sub aspect for me, the talk, the obedience of the sub, it somehow massages the most important sex organ - the ego 
It's part of the way I feel loved and respected. I noticed that watching someone else scene is generally pretty boring for me if it's just sensation play, whipping, spanking or whatever. What makes is hot is hearing her call him Master, to see both thriving on their chosen role. I suppose in the end it incites a passion that goes beyond vanilla sexuality.
2) AS A DOM, DOMME, SUB, SWITCH, OR BOTTOM OR TOP ...WHY DO YOU IDENTIFY THAT WAY?
Publically I am always Dom, though people know I switch. Switching allows you to enjoy both sides of the equation. I think it also helps you retain a sense of balance - that your Dom role is in the end a fantasy and that you don't get caught up so much in yourself that you forget it's a symbiotic relationship, where it is both partner's role to give and pleasure.... albeit in different ways.
3) HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN YOU WERE BDSM?
Since a teenager I encountered the BDSM thing in porn and found it exciting. But until five years ago when I was divorced [my wife left me] it was just a guilty desire that I tried unsuccessfully to repress because everyone in my Christian world saw it as a dirty filthy habit. By then I was able to explore via the Internet and meet people and find there was a community out there who affirmed this as a valid alternative sexuality.
4) DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH BD, DS, SM, OR A BIT OF ALL?
DS comes first for me. BD, fetish etc.. are for me the toys and techniques through which DS is explored. I have a problem with the SM label though. To me what we do is not sadomasochistic as I don't take pleasure in causing pain, I just use it [mildly] to bring pleasure, arousal and fulfilment. This I do not believe to be the image generally associated with the term SM. We even invented our alternative for BDSM - FADS - Fetish and Domination / Submission.
5) WHAT IS YOUR FAVE INSTRUMENT TO USE OR HAVE USED ON YOU?
I like things that give sexual sensations, rather than pain as such. Our favourite canes and crops are very flexible ones which make a lot of noise without being too hash. Whips likewise heavy leather with a nice thud but not to much sting. It seems more the idea of the activity that turns us on, and not heavy pain sensations.
6) DO YOU IDENTIFY IN ANY OTHER ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES? SUCH AS LESBIAN, GAY, BI OR TRANS? .....OR ARE YOU STR8 AND JUST BDSM?
We are straight, but have every respect for those of other persuasions. To me Christian sexuality is more about 'how' and less about 'who'. Whatever sort of relationship you have the faith commends love, mutual submission and faithfulness. The BDSM community is a strange mix. On the one hand I find BDSM people generally warm, welcoming, and friendly. On the other there are many who seem to need to prove their way of doing BDSM is the way of the 'true' Dom or Sub. To me it is a menu of things to chose from, 'true' doesn't come into it - only what is right for a particular couple.
7) IS ANYONE ON THIS LIST GOR OR GOREAN? ..AND WHY DID YOU EXPAND BDSM TO THAT, WHAT CAUGHT YOUR HEART ABOUT IT?
Not I. To my mind these are the star trekkie convention goers of BDSM LOL. But seriously, if people find eroticism in any sort of literature that's fine by me. It's just that most Gor people I've ever spoken to seem very hung up with the minuti of protocol and it isn't a very easy sub-culture to converse with if you are not in the know.
8) DID YOU HAVE A REAL LIFE MENTOR? ..IF NOT, WHY NOT?
No, to us it seems mostly the stuff of old guard fantasy, I don't realy know anyone that has had a mentor. Perhaps the UK scene is different in this respect, or it's more a feature of the gay scene. That's not to say I haven't learnt things from others... mainly through demos and watching scenes at parties. Perhaps because of my mistrust of people who set themselves up as self appointed spiritual shepherds I tend to react against the idea. I have come across people eager to take the whip from your hand and show you how it is done, and usually I find them less than helpful. I really don't know how these 'experts' can go and start playing with a sub - to me each sub is an individual, and although other people can show me useful techniques, with my partner it's a case of finding the right ones for us.
9) DO YOU HAVE A MEMORABLE SCENE THAT TOUCHED YOUR HEART OR OPENED YOUR MIND?
I think this is largely a feminine trait? Vronni will tell me what we were wearing when we went on a particular date, how long it was after I met her that I hung her on her bedroom door and exactly what I did to her LOL It's just a vague memory to me. I guess there are memorable occasions but mainly about when we have had access to special gear - the time we used a fucking machine, the wonderful swing they had at a dungeon we visited. There are particular fantasies on the other hand that I use in my mind as a starting point for scenes. Each scene we have done is special as a celebration of our relationship, and in the moment brings a great feeling of satisfaction and relaxation together, a sort of spiritual high. I think perhaps as a dom I tend to find it more important to focus on the next scene than the last one?
10) WHAT INSTRUMENT DO YOU PLAN TO LEARN? ..OR ASK YOUR DOM/DOMME TO LEARN?
Have toyed with the idea of learning rope bondage but for the most part why bother? We do like our leather cuffs and restraints We're not attracted to electrical play. There's nothing I want to do we haven't really tried; I'm just very comfortable with our sexuality, whilst it's always necessary to have variety and be open to new things. What I am craving is for a kinky builder to come and put in some decent hooks in the roof for a nice leather swing etc..
11) WHAT IS IT ABOUT BDSM THAT CAPTURES YOUR HEART? ...WHY?
The erotic, the feeling when you please your partner, the feeling of being loved and respected.
12) DO YOU ENJOY THE PUBLIC SCENE ...IF YES, WHAT IS YOUR FAVE EVENT ETC..? ...IF NO, WHY NOT OR WHAT KEEPS YOU HOME?
Yes firstly because through the scene we give and receive mutual support and validation. Secondly because it creates a safer environment for people just starting to explore or currently on their own than just meeting people through chat rooms or dating sites. Thirdly its very nice to have a group of friends with whom you can socialise without having to hide part of yourself. I suppose there is also a controlled amount of voyeurism and exhibitionism involved in play parties that I enjoy.
13) WHAT IS IT AS A DOM/DOMME OR SUB THAT YOU WANT TO IMPROVE? ....IF ANYTHING?
Sometimes I feel bad if I have misread a situation. Is this just a hazard of being a dom or do you read the signs more as you go on? A silly example is we were playing with ice cubes in a boiling hot dungeon last summer and I interpreted her screams to mean she didn't want any more but actually she was loving it! OK so communication is real important, but it somehow helps scene dynamics if you can sense the moment rather than having to interrupt it by discussing it.
Then there is subspace that bemuses me. Some subs have this idea of subspace and for them it is the holy grail. We have some wonderful erotic moments, but some people don't seem very satisfied unless you speak their subspace language. It's a bit like the people who ask you if you are saved or have you been slain in the spirit LOL. Have you been to subspace? If you've been there, they say, you'll know. I guess I haven't yet decided if they are just rather simplistically describing something that different people experience in different ways or if there is some way in which there is still another level to experience?
14) WHERE DO YOU GO TO LEARN MORE?
Not a few books, reading Internet columns and talking to people, watching others play.
16) DO YOU OPENLY LET OTHERS UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE CHRISTIAN WHEN YOU ARE WITH OTHER ALTERNATIVES?
Well we don't push it on people or talk in religious gobledegook at them, but we will mention what we are doing at church at munches, mention this group, let people know we are Christians if spirituality is being discussed. For a large part we seem to get talking about not all Christians being total killjoys with bible-bashing or intelorance of others
| 13 Feb 05, 9:36 PM ladyjayne 8 yrs |
lol.. how true... but not all of us are like that | |
| 14 Feb 05, 7:55 AM lucky_1 7 yrs |
Thanks for that vMaster, totally agree with your interpretation of "true sub and dom" I do think of BDSM as a menu both in terms of the people who practice it and also the techniques involved. In "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns" I found a very useful checklist where you can simply tick the boxes to record what you like and what you don't. It is meant for two partners just meeting but I filled it our for myself and guess what? Yep it changes all the time! Lucky |
