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| curious_wee_lass |
on Sat 17 Sep 11, 11:28 PM to curious_wee_lass's blog.
How is it possible for the confirmation of the existance a child who was born years before a marriage to someone else, be the cause of serious marriage problems? I do not understand how this is possible. Do you wise people care to enlighten me with suggestions as to how such a thing is possible other than petty shallow bullshit reasons?
| 17 Sep 11, 11:31 PM jenevieve UK(CH), 4 yrs |
Fear that the parent of said child may have or has a claim on the other parent. Fear of unresolved issues from ths. No matter how you try you just can't fix stupid! | ||
| 17 Sep 11, 11:34 PM frederick_hende 20 mths |
Oh dear, this sounds unpleasant.
It depends what you call petty shallow bullshit reasons. What may be happening is that he had an encounter with the mother, that he thought was just that, a casual thing. But now he finds there was a child. And he sees a ready-made family that he is not just a right but a duty to. But unfortunately in the meantimes he has got married to someone else an suddenly this marriage is an obstacle to his family. It should not change things in the marriage, but it might anyway. | ||
| 17 Sep 11, 11:35 PM Merrick 3 yrs |
It's hard to say without more info. I'll make a rough guess. Perhaps it's because the parents are asshats? Every man dies. Not every man really lives. | ||
| 18 Sep 11, 12:00 AM curious_wee_lass UK(G), 12 mths |
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| 18 Sep 11, 1:21 AM switch_bitch UK(G), 7 yrs |
Well, anything is possible, some people don't have the brains they were born with, even getting up in the morning can cause problems, so how could they ever work "this scenario" out ....hmmmmmmmmmmmm get back to you on this one!!!
If you go through life with your head in the sand, all people will see, is an arse | ||
| 18 Sep 11, 1:24 AM switch_bitch UK(G), 7 yrs |
Oh yeah, got it.......the cunt....ooops scuse my scotch......the one not accepting is an Asshole!!!! nuff said
If you go through life with your head in the sand, all people will see, is an arse | ||
| 18 Sep 11, 12:04 PM angellover UK(CM), 3 yrs |
Jealously and insecurity... I remember the day my eldest sister found out her hubby had a child else where... 'He won't want me any more' 'He will want to go back and leave me alone' and I still remember theses words well because I, at a young age of 19ish, had to tell her she was being a stupid bitch he was 16 at the time and his now how old... ffs. She even tried to insist the first meet was with her... OMG it was a hard few weeks and it nearly split them up, but thankfully with family input and support to bang her head against the wall she came to terms with him having another son. The highest fences we have to climb, are those we have built within our mind Edited 18 Sep 11, 12:06 PM by angellover | ||
| 18 Sep 11, 1:07 PM curious_wee_lass UK(G), 12 mths |
Thank you for all your replies. I have struggled for a couple of weeks to not allow the underlying hurt to be felt by me, at such a blaming rejection. In trying to find as much info as possible about the father for giving the child when he is 16 as promised, I came across a twitter post obviously at me from the same date as the email conversation ending - it said "you are the most miserable bitch to walk this earth you have undone months of work for the one i love". I have found it a difficult journey to fulfill the promise I made to my child to fulfill his promise. And now I do not know how to begin to tackle telling him his genetically related father is not a "dad" but an immature idiot who does not know how to be an adult and is clearly not a very nice person. I know it is very much cliched, but the genetic father is a signed music artist now (though not mainstream but a bit known in DJ world)... It makes me somewhat angry the sacrifices I have willingly (albeit had no real choice but to have) made, and he has skewed memories of what happened way back when (again with the refusal to take any responsibility). I feel a bit better this morning than I did last night, about things. Clearly he and his wife deserve each other, and my son definitely does not deserve an asshat who seems less mature than my son around him would by all accounts probably cause him more heart-ache in his life than the rejection will cause him. I'm thinking I need to take my son on a wee trip somewhere and tell him in-between being pampered like a king. Maybe if I balance things right it will dissipate the difficult feelings quicker than if I just try and talk to him at home... Thanks for your replies - I was hoping maybe I had not thought of a possibility as to how I could be met with such an eventuality. But you've all come up with the same "petty bullshit reasons" I could only come up with myself.. And sorry for airing my dirty laundry. It's easier to talk about with strangers, my real friends know what happened back when and would not be able to comprehend why I would sacrifice my dignity further to try to fulfill the promise made to my son, instead of standing up for my past decisions. | ||
| 18 Sep 11, 2:51 PM OllieVW 3 yrs |
Its quite easy for someone who didn't know about a child to react this way. If someones in an established relationship I always question why hasn't the child been discussed? I don't know your story so I wont pass comment but suddenly telling someone your involved with you have a child cant be an easy thing to absorb or deal with so sometimes its best to let the dust settle. It easy to say ahh fuck them then but if you love someone then you have to listen to them, how this has made them feel and why. How would you feel in their shoes? I have a 22 year old daughter who lives with her mother so I know exactly how this can effect relationships. My X fiance couldn't get over the fact "I already had a child" it caused many an argument and ultimately for her to decide I wasn't who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Everybody is entitled to feel the way they do. If this news changed how they feel about you you just have to accept that. Especially if its something you have been open and honest about (again you haven't really said how long you've been together and how long its taken for this subject to come out). If you've kept it to yourself until the person who is now upset you cant really blame them and what else are you hiding from that person?
I'm being honest as you did ask Hope it works out. Being asked to choose never ends well, no matter what you choose someone gets hurt. Edited to add: How will the child feel when he/she is told "they don't want to know or be involved" Nothing in the world can compare to the rejection of a parent and the decision to not be involved is a cross those involved and ultimately responsible for the child will have to carry for the rest of their lives.
"No dream is to big, the sky is the limit" N.B.I.G Edited 18 Sep 11, 3:01 PM by OllieVW | ||
| 18 Sep 11, 4:28 PM curious_wee_lass UK(G), 12 mths |
Thanks for your input. But to clarify: I am not in a relationship with the genetic father, never have been - though I did think way back when, that we were close friends - I have never found him again until I tried again recently. It's not exactly nice what happened way back when, but we were young and not in the best of situations so over the years, and given my son's reaction I put my own feelings about what happened away and didn't give crap about how I remember "that night" when I was hit with a different recollection than mine. I get that everybody is entitled to feel how they feel, but I really do still struggle to figure out how the heck the confirmation of a child's existance, who was born way before the spouse even knew her husband could cause marriage problems... From a legal perspective it could be argued he has certain responsibilities - however I never was going to make demands or obligations upon him, and I have a stronger abhorrence to pursue anything of that nature. |
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