long distance relationships. (96)

If love is blind I need to find a cane

Edited 16 Sep 11, 12:58 PM by prettyPETunia

https://fetlife.com/users/803731

Me and Badwulf have known each other 8 years now, the first 4 talking off and on online via IM. Always seemed something came up to stop a r/l meet, either I was seeing someone or he was.

4 Years ago I found myself in the situation where I could eventually go and meet Him. I'm in Yorkshire he's in Somerset.

What started out as a 2 week meet/play/fling, has turned into a 4 year full on M/s, D/s dynamic.

We don't get to see each other that often, maybe once every couple of months, he comes to me for a week here and tehre when time allows, then I go to him during the school holidays when my children are at their dads, usually for 2, 3 even 4 weeks at a time.

We also do a martial arts together, so get to spend various weekends/weeks away at courses.

I can not see us being able to be in the same city as each other for at least another 3/4 years, as we both have children, my eldest has just started his GCSE's course work and when he finishes his exams in two years time my daughter will be half way through hers.

Is it easy? - No, is it frustrating at times? - very, is it worth it? - Hell yeah

I wouldn't give up what we have together for nothing, I haven't even so much as looked at another man since I first got off that train, I'd rather have the distance with Him, than settle for second best just because they are closer to me.

It can and does work, but it needs commitment from both sides, and a lot of hard work to keep it going, not just the dynamic but the relationship also. IM, texts, phone calls all help.

@Vamp_Mystik I recently spent 4 weeks at Badwulf's this summer hols, and it was surprisingly quite vanilla, yes we don't get to play often due to the distance, but quality over quantity surely? We played when we were in the mood to, not out of some idea that we had to. We do have other interests and other stuff we do together, it's not purely about the BDSM. Besides a bit hard when my children are around for a few days before they go to their dad's and we have his over to stay, etc.

td

"A masochist walked up to a sadist, and said 'Hurt me'. The sadist said 'No' and walked away."

Edited 16 Sep 11, 1:47 PM by TaintedDesire

I'm just recently out of a LDR that saw us travelling thousands of miles every few months to see each other. That's just unsustainable!

Let's televise and broadcast the raping of kings.

CSB is not an excuse for being a very naughty boy

Im surprised that nobody says it was great when all the distance was between them, but when they moved in together it turned out to be a nightmare. IE-the rose tinted specs got smashed.

If love is blind I need to find a cane

Yeah, the weekends spent together are extra special because of the time spent apart. So we make the most of our time together if you know what I mean!

By September's Pedestal, that will be two years since we first met in London, a year and three quarters since I moved 200 miles away, a year and a half since we got together and a fortnight closer to us moving in together in the future.

All I would say is this, unless you know you can't hack it, don't write off a relationship at the outset just because of distance. It takes work, but don't all relationships. Don't miss out on your soul mate just because they don't live down the road!

I live in Worcestershire and I've had relatioships in Reigate, Sheffield, Bury (north of Manchester), York. For 3 years travelled down to Bath a few times a week while my girlfriend was at university - we were eventually together for 12 years.

My best mate met a girl while on holiday and started a relationship. Oh how I laughed when I found out where she lived - He lived in the midlands and she lived in Hong Kong! I took the piss so badly - I like a LDR but at least I try to keep it to the same continent 13 years later they are married and now living in Vancouver Canada. So it can work regardless of distance.

Dave.

P.S. When I saw the girl in Reigate I couldn't even drive - The commute to get down there was truly horrific - it could take up to 8-9 hrs (two 3 mile walks, 2 buses, 4 trains and a stint on the underground - plus all the waiting around for connections)

Be the change you want to see in the world. - Gandhi.

^^This... feeling that you HAVE to play each time, because you don't want to miss an opportunity, can take up a lot of the time you spend together - you miss out/forgo the things you would like to do outside of the private arena in order to have the intimacy you crave and the relationship becomes very one dimensional (don't know about you but I like a bit of variety in my relationships).

Infrequent meetings and only for short durations is very limiting and you don't find out if you are both compatible in other ways... LDR's are not really for me.

We all have other people in our lives and other things we want to do, especially at weekends and if we have prior plans it means seeing a LDR partner even less frequently than one would wish.

However, we all need space for ourselves so... it is possible if you can both withstand the times apart - but sometimes one partner finds that more difficult than the other.

@The_Coven / @The_Problem_Page, you might give the advice that someone needs. / I want the "Moon on a stick and the Stars suspended from bunting". / So many haystacks, so few needles! / Sorry is a meaningless word unless it is demonstrated, via actions or a change in behaviour, that it is meant.