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| Da_Pix |
on Thu 15 Sep 11, 12:25 PM to Da_Pix's blog.
I am feeling quite pathetic as of late. Needy, teary, emotional, reacting oddly to things I'd normally not give a second thought to. the worst part about it is - I know why. We used to go to one club or other, almost every week. We used to play each time we went. D/s was not taboo around the house. this was what - 4 years ago? It stopped. It dissolved naturally as life got more complicated, and health played a part. A few nights ago, we played. I cried, and everything hurt too much. I was fine the next day - Well, functional. I didn't have sub drop, or anything daft like that. It came today. But that's due to other things happening on top of the play, and pushing me over the edge. Yesterday, I found myself swinging over Herself's lap, while she delivered a not so pleasant spanking. I went to work wet. I came home, after stupidly presuming she'd 'sort me out'. Time ticked. the grumpiness started to creep in, and I pushed it down. In bed, she delivered half a dozen leg slaps and sent Herself off to sleep stroking me. I was besides myself. Soaking wet, wide awake, and frustrated. I didn't sleep well. Today. I have mainly been swining from being quiet and teary, to attention seeking - Which all in all, just made things worse. At one point, I did wonder whether She was just oblivious to what was going on in my head, and with my body. I am still unsure as to whether She knows, fully. I laid on the bed, in the sun, stroking the cat. Mentally talking to myself - I'll be fine. Just chill out Pix. you are not allowed to wank, s deal with it. Wanking won't make you feel better in the long run. 5 minutes later, I am bent over the bed, dress up, knickers down, squealing as the flat backed hairbrush assaults my arse cheeks. I bury my face in the bed, and hide behind my hair. And cry. knees are knocked apart, and oh dear... guess what. Dripping. Even when I hate it, my body loves it. Still... There's always tonight. 4 hour shift sat on a warm bottom, thinking... ticktock.
| 15 Sep 11, 2:44 PM quietsoul UK(G), 6 yrs  |
Life is a total bastard sometimes pixie.. And sometimes its just not so easy to say 'hell yea everythings fine' when inside your heads screaming 'its not its utter shite'... Not that this reply will help you. No words of wisdom just someone that can kinda say i think i know how your feeling.. ((hugs)) to you both Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. | |
| 15 Sep 11, 3:02 PM Me_and_Myself UK(LL), 2 yrs |
What you enjoyed, the pleasure, the dynamics of everything that past between you those four years ago never went away - it just passed into the subconscious as life's events overtook you both. When you played that closed door was opened and all of those feelings have come rushing out and are part of your everyday concious thoughts once more. SHE is oh so experienced so I do not feel that she is not aware of what you are going through. Discuss your feelings and between you the answer will unfold and you will be able to move on once more. Take good care of yourself and the Precious One T xx | |
| 15 Sep 11, 6:27 PM Da_Pix UK, 6 yrs |
T, you are right. I know you are right - Which is most frustrating. It's how things are supposed to feel. Guess it just took me by surprise. Yes - hello we're back - and we're taking calls Now what was the question? | |
| 15 Sep 11, 8:14 PM River_Deep UK, 6 yrs |
Never ever underestimate her hun. You should know that by now! It is not what you say or do but the way you say or do it | |
| 15 Sep 11, 8:29 PM Da_Pix UK, 6 yrs |
grins.....I know, I know... Can't help it! She bloody knows what She's doing. Yes - hello we're back - and we're taking calls Now what was the question? | |
| 16 Sep 11, 6:46 AM MisterBear UK(WA), 8 yrs  |
It's cos she looks so sweet and innocent like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth... Ok maybe not that sweet and innocent but still. Can you tell I'm bored and have nothing better to do with my life? |
