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| mia |
on Sun 11 Sep 11, 5:05 PM to mia's blog.
First off, i'm writing this on a hangover and the onset of other general girl-related rubbishness, so apologies if it's not interesting/written really badly/shit in any other way. Hey, no one asked you to read on, did they?
So i can be an antisocial bugger. I work hard and when i'm not at work, sometimes i want to curl up with the man face, my lap top, some Jaffa Cakes and the telly. I proper enjoy these times and it's nice to feel cosy and comfortable. I think it's because of this that i can often be a little reluctant to go to events, or even leave the house and go to the pub. I do though, leave the house i mean. Occasionally i get the urge, or more often than not, he does and i go with, often quite excited about it tbh.
Now for anyone who is a friend of mine, or who i've met several times, then the idea i am shy or socially awkward must seem ridiculous. I have an odd bravado sometimes you see - i can enjoy being the centre of attention, if i put myself there. What i am awful with though, to the point of a sickening feeling in my stomach, is the thought i will be made centre of attention, or i will have to make small talk with someone i have little in common with and i'll end up saying something rude, unitentionally, then i look like i'm some bitch and everyone will hate me. I have an 'everyone hates me' paranoia/realisation that goes beyond what 'logical' me thinks is normal. I also get drink braveness. With a drink inside me, as well as thinking my dance moves (normally involving miming out each and every word) could rival those of Beyoncé, i can't stop talking, so it looks again like i'm being social and comfortable. I'm not though. The over talking is pretty much the same as the playing with my hair and trying not to make eye contact - it's my social ineptitude.
So anyway, i was dead chuffed last night that people approached me for conversation, as it was like an invite that i could interact with them and it was their fault for doing so if they found me too boring/annoying/ridiculous. I don't know, or even if i'm honest, really care if they did - cos i enjoyed chatting to all the people i did last night - both people i know quite well, people i've met once or twice before and the new faces and names of the lovely people there. You all made me so relaxed and happy and i really enjoyed the evening for that.
When i go out either just with @Tanos, or when we go out as a three with @secretsmile_101 too then i do nearly always have an amazing time - just with the two or the three of us. So it was nice to have a good time in a different way in also chatting to others. Good times, eh? 
Thanks people!
x
Edited to add the @s
Edited Sun 11 Sep 11, 5:12 PM by mia
| 11 Sep 11, 5:15 PM Dark_Cherry UK(B), 2 yrs     |
I really wanted to come say hi, but was too nervous! Fuck labels. Labels suck. I am a filthy, slutty, sadistic princess |
| 11 Sep 11, 5:16 PM SheilaBlyge UK(S), 4 yrs |
This made me smile a lot, because it strikes such a chord with me. And I have several very dear friends who also have these feelings. Thanks for sharing this blog. Sometimes it's just nice to know you're not the only one - I always find more confidence when I think about the fact that the other people may actually be thinking/feeling the same reluctance or insecurity with respect to initiating conversations. x |
| 11 Sep 11, 5:21 PM Corwin UK(L), 11 yrs |
Great blog and I can see so many of my own traits in there. (And yes, some of us blokey types have the same issues) If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see |
| 11 Sep 11, 5:25 PM carenza_lionheart UK(NN), 24 mths  |
Last night I talked with far more people than I usually would have done. Having that official team badge made it easy! Talking to new people just as @carenza - I can't do it. I know people will laugh at the idea of me being shy, but I am - I fear all those things about people not liking me, being bored by me, finding me crass and rude. @mia, you are certainly not alone. The one who claims to be innocent |
| 11 Sep 11, 5:44 PM SheilaBlyge UK(S), 4 yrs |
I think this is far more common than people think - we see everyone else in little groups or pairs, laughing, chatting and we (the human being) assumes they are what they appear to be. The reality is that an awful lot of us struggle mentally with etiquette, paranoia, social rules, and insecurity. I was trading this weekend, and chatting to other traders; there are a lot of us who have a 'persona', an alter ego, which is confident, chatty, happy to talk to customers, happy to make connections with complete strangers. It's not an act as such, it's a definite part of who we are, but it's also definitely very different to the normal everyday person we are. I've actually just been accused of being twofaced because of this! But I have many faces, appropriate to different situations, and I think everyone else does too. I find it quite intriguing. Personally, I'm happy to write and deliver training or lectures to groups large and small, or run meetings at board level in companies, but struggle to go to a networking group or social event and initiate a conversation with a single individual! It's not about confidence, and it's certainly not 'antisocial', hehe. It's just about building confidence in certain situations. If I hadn't conquered the usual 'fear of public speaking' I wouldn't be able to do my job. It's 'do or die'. But in social situations, the option to 'avoid' is presented and I think many of us take that option, and bail out.
The sad thing is that I know so many people who are really lovely, who do this avoidance thing, when they have no reason to. I wish everyone could let their star shine brightly without worrying about what others might or might not think.
Go on... shine |
| 11 Sep 11, 5:50 PM mariatv UK(B), 9 yrs |
can really understand this blog a lot i do like going to events and chatting but sometimes still find it hard to do it is often will see people at clubs or events and want to go say hello but dont have the nerve and resort to dropping them an memo online after wards m |
| 11 Sep 11, 6:30 PM Peccavi 4 yrs |
I struggle getting people to understand that while I'm fine in a crowd or while getting a job done that requires me at the helm, I can be terribly terribly shy 1-1. |
| 11 Sep 11, 6:32 PM kinky_kitty UK(LE), 5 yrs |
wow, i like this blog a lot! it really struck a chord with me too. nice to know i'm not alone in feeling like a total social retard. i also take great comfort in people's replies saying the same, because it shows me that lots of people feel this way, and i shall try to remember that when i'm next out, and feeling completely socially inadequate.
xx Open up your eyes. You keep on crying baby, I'll bleed you dry. |
| 11 Sep 11, 6:33 PM Taintedinnocence UK(S), 6 yrs |
Yeah, I know what you mean, was so friendly. It was lovely to have good chats with you guys again. I felt bad a couple of times cos people would be chatting to you and then leave when we came up, we must be scary  !! Next time maybe I will wear a name badge (not generally a fan), dunno thinking about it?!? |
| 11 Sep 11, 8:07 PM gentlemusings UK(M), 19 mths   |
Saw you guys, but the night came and wenty in a fash... will say hi next time for sure xxx Submission is giving your heart freely knowing what joy and pain will come of it... |
