Protocols (23)

I prefer this more organic method of creating the rules and protocols as it is much more like the natural process any relationship goes through, finding its own reality and meaning in small steps.

I know setting elaborate and structured pre-ordained low, medium and high protocols seems the way the bdsm textbooks suggest you do it but I find it too staged and forced.

A Fine Norfolk Domme. Mistress of @paulss My PD blog at http://mistress-keene.blogspot.com/

I agree. We don't slip in and out of protocol levels. We just have protocol.

My goal - to save women from nature (Dior)
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It's possible to have a mix of the two approaches. Adding in rules to different levels of protocol. I don't think I would describe mine as pre ordained, staged or forced. They are very much based on the relationship.

Let's televise and broadcast the raping of kings.

I don't believe I made any reference to your relationship. My comments were about what how I would find the low, medium, high protocol standards when applied to my relationship.We are all different and what works for one couple would feel utterly wrong for another.

We did try them for a while but they just felt really as though I was taking on the received ideas and not working it out for paul and I. I found I spent too long working out what level of protocol applied best in each situation. So, what level to pick for bdsm clubs, munches and bdsm private socials? You can pick a level but unless you are with sets of people who are in tune with that dynamic it can feel forced and in the end it was hard work which is not what either of us wanted when instead, we just decided "Obey me at all times' was actually much easier and relaxed for me as the Domme and him as the sub.I wanted him to succeed in his main endeavour which was to please and serve me, not ne anxious about what level of protocol we were in and what that meant. he is after all my life partner and when we are out I want to have fun. Too many structured rules and protocols made us both feel uptight. Once we abandoned those ideas, our own protocols just fell into place naturally and we have been very happy with that over many years.

A Fine Norfolk Domme. Mistress of @paulss My PD blog at http://mistress-keene.blogspot.com/

No, you didn't. I just wanted to make the point that they don't have to be restrictive, contrived, come from a rule book or add stress.

It works very organically. I mean, the rules/protocol have developed organically in my case. I've just decided to group certain rules together for certain situations. In an effort to make expectations of behaviour that please me, clear. It's hardly cumbersome, complex or anxiety inducing for either of us. In fact, it's pretty much the opposite.

Interesting that you guys found it to be the opposite way. Each relationship is of course different.

I'm not sure what style I'd prefer as a submissive. All I would want would be to know what was expected of me in certain situations.

Let's televise and broadcast the raping of kings.

I found I don't really go anywhere where high protocol behaviour is either necessary or the norm, so we feel more comfortable just having me say to paul before we go out a few comments about how I would like him to please me. Things which are only pertinent to that situation, be it munch, party or club and then he knows if he is free to talk to anyone he pleases or to ask permission to go off and socialise for example.

Maybe I am just not really a big fan of set procedures, so I am lucky paul seems to have learnt over the years what I like and don't. It must be noted though that because I do not give him such tight protocols to work to, I am very understanding if he sometimes makes mistakes or misses the mark. I just say gently if I would prefer a different reaction or behaviour. It does work for us which is all that matters.

A Fine Norfolk Domme. Mistress of @paulss My PD blog at http://mistress-keene.blogspot.com/

Master Mark

In public, we would both hate to cause offence or concern to anyone present, besides its our relationship, no-one else need know its inner workings... Privately, Sir may wish there to be a heightened state of engagement, formal, more restrictions that usual, a stepping up really of the intensity, or , he may wish to curl up on the sofa and read a paper, watch TV, and just relax.

Regardless of the level he chooses, we have things i do, and i don't do. As does Sir!!, he just chooses if he wants them to change, i don't!

I don't sit on the sofa unless specifically invited to do so. (He does this enough that i can enjoy it and am comfortable, and not enough that i assume it) I don't ask to sit there, i am invited to only. I serve him, i get things he wants, (tea, breakfast, drinks, things from other rooms, chairs etc) I clear up after us, but i ask to do so, before presuming I don't sit down in his presence unless told i can do so - this we do at all times, in public its very subtle and just appears to be excellent manners...so feels very good to abide by. There are more, and there will evolve to be more, they just flow, and are natural to us...

The key is, i think, to accept that you both want them, to understand what they give you both and then let them evolve with you, you can add, delete, alter, (well, Sir can) they keep it alive, and blooming.....and they matter to us

Many thanks @just_iana for your very interesting response. Your conclusion above exactly reflects my views on this.

Master Mark

Some formal rules are good too with the fundamental one being to obey.

I would not like to be in a relationship with no rules.