Sat 3 Sep 11, 9:00 PM
planetqueen
4 yrs |
Having always craved a relationship where by my man punished me for wrong doings and the like, I recently had a man who did. But none of the kink was there, it was pure assault.
Obviously I ended it, because it wasn't very nice at all in reality. It made me so very scared, and in fact I am worried that the experience might have left me a little fucked up, certainly in relation to D/s and BDSM.
So, the question I am asking is, for those of you who have experienced domestic abuse for real,or who have known others who have, how did you consolidate it into your bdsm life.
I genuinely thought that I was not the kind of woman to ever experience that kind of thing, that I was way too strong, but I was wrong. I guess I am not alone?
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3 Sep 11, 9:18 PM
subbie_jc
11 mths
 |
planetqueen wrote:
Domestic abuse fetish
Having always craved a relationship where by my man punished me for wrong doings and the like, I recently had a man who did. But none of the kink was there, it was pure assault.
Obviously I ended it, because it wasn't very nice at all in reality. It made me so very scared, and in fact I am worried that the experience might have left me a little fucked up, certainly in relation to D/s and BDSM.
So, the question I am asking is, for those of you who have experienced domestic abuse for real,or who have known others who have, how did you consolidate it into your bdsm life.
I genuinely thought that I was not the kind of woman to ever experience that kind of thing, that I was way too strong, but I was wrong. I guess I am not alone?
|
no your not alone.... Im so sorry to hear about this.
It took me a while to recover and get used to my own thoughts in d/s again. I was scared and very wary.
It will take time huni, and i hope you'll be strong enough to get through it...i didn't think i was....
But here i am
i send my love.... X |
3 Sep 11, 9:18 PM
subbie_jc
11 mths
|
planetqueen wrote:
Domestic abuse fetish
Having always craved a relationship where by my man punished me for wrong doings and the like, I recently had a man who did. But none of the kink was there, it was pure assault.
Obviously I ended it, because it wasn't very nice at all in reality. It made me so very scared, and in fact I am worried that the experience might have left me a little fucked up, certainly in relation to D/s and BDSM.
So, the question I am asking is, for those of you who have experienced domestic abuse for real,or who have known others who have, how did you consolidate it into your bdsm life.
I genuinely thought that I was not the kind of woman to ever experience that kind of thing, that I was way too strong, but I was wrong. I guess I am not alone?
|
no your not alone.... Im so sorry to hear about this.
It took me a while to recover and get used to my own thoughts in d/s again. I was scared and very wary.
It will take time huni, and i hope you'll be strong enough to get through it...i didn't think i was....
But here i am
i send my love.... X |
3 Sep 11, 9:23 PM
calmhands
UK, 2 yrs
 |
planetqueen wrote:
Domestic abuse fetish
Having always craved a relationship where by my man punished me for wrong doings and the like, I recently had a man who did. But none of the kink was there, it was pure assault.
Obviously I ended it, because it wasn't very nice at all in reality. It made me so very scared, and in fact I am worried that the experience might have left me a little fucked up, certainly in relation to D/s and BDSM.
So, the question I am asking is, for those of you who have experienced domestic abuse for real,or who have known others who have, how did you consolidate it into your bdsm life.
I genuinely thought that I was not the kind of woman to ever experience that kind of thing, that I was way too strong, but I was wrong. I guess I am not alone?
|
In my opinion domestic violence / abuse has no place within a healthy relationship, D/s or otherwise
.
Abuse is an act or acts commited by one person upon the other WITHOUT their consent with intent to cause physical or emotional harm.
Dominant men may choose or need to reinforce their Dominance and stregthen the dynamic, define and encourage it, punishment may ( or not) be a tool used to do so.
Abuse has no place in this process, it's entirely removed.
ch x
Bring me back to me..
Edited 3 Sep 11, 9:24 PM by calmhands
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3 Sep 11, 9:25 PM
ClassAct2005
UK(N), 7 yrs
|
It's totally different. If you consent to a domestic discipline relationship then it is done out of love and never beyond what is reasonable. YOu feel cared about and most of the time things can be put right by talking rather than physical punishment.
How do you sort out the sheep from the goats, the men in all this? Ask about their past. Sound out their views. See if they have a history of loving long term relationships with happy children they brought up well or whether they have no friends, no family, no happy past lives and their lives are a mess. Avoid those in the latter category. Pick the good ones.
Don't rush. Have a break. Recover. Even if you find someone new don't rush to live together and if you get even a hint of a new person being abusive (because loads of people always attract someone similar again and again and again) stop it right away. |
3 Sep 11, 9:30 PM
StickyNote
10 mths |
It happens. It's a fucked up world. You have to learn that this happens on a relationship by relationship basis and thats how you get through it. He was one man and despite human nature tempting us to tar the whole of a sex with the one brush when frustrated, they are not all the same. Once you get your head around this being one person, and it was his weakness you allowed to grow, you'll be fine. Even as a sub you have control, anything else is an illusion. Fuck-a-doodle-doo!
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3 Sep 11, 9:37 PM
roblxxx
UK(PO), 17 mths
|
calmhands wrote:
planetqueen wrote:
Domestic abuse fetish
Having always craved a relationship where by my man punished me for wrong doings and the like, I recently had a man who did. But none of the kink was there, it was pure assault.
Obviously I ended it, because it wasn't very nice at all in reality. It made me so very scared, and in fact I am worried that the experience might have left me a little fucked up, certainly in relation to D/s and BDSM.
So, the question I am asking is, for those of you who have experienced domestic abuse for real,or who have known others who have, how did you consolidate it into your bdsm life.
I genuinely thought that I was not the kind of woman to ever experience that kind of thing, that I was way too strong, but I was wrong. I guess I am not alone?
|
In my opinion domestic violence / abuse has no place within a healthy relationship, D/s or otherwise
.
Abuse is an act or acts commited by one person upon the other WITHOUT their consent with intent to cause physical or emotional harm.
Dominant men may choose or need to reinforce their Dominance and stregthen the dynamic, define and encourage it, punishment may ( or not) be a tool used to do so.
Abuse has no place in this process, it's entirely removed.
ch x
|
But that's the problem here. She got what she wanted, what she asked for, what she dreamed of. Then found that the reality was a nightmare. It is truly said "be careful what you ask for, you just might get it".
The Religious say that God gives you what you need, not what you ask for. The reason being that you don't truly know what you're asking for.
CS Lewis gave a great explanation of that in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader - the island where dreams come true. Not Daydreams, but real ones.
I'm a bad, bad boy, and I'm going to steal your love.
b-b-b-b-bad to the bone!
I make a rich woman beg, and a poor woman steal,
An old woman blush, and a young girl squeal!
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3 Sep 11, 11:00 PM
Grownup_Frankie
UK, 4 yrs
|
roblxxx wrote:
calmhands wrote:
planetqueen wrote:
Domestic abuse fetish
Having always craved a relationship where by my man punished me for wrong doings and the like, I recently had a man who did. But none of the kink was there, it was pure assault.
So, the question I am asking is, for those of you who have experienced domestic abuse for real,or who have known others who have, how did you consolidate it into your bdsm life.
I genuinely thought that I was not the kind of woman to ever experience that kind of thing, that I was way too strong, but I was wrong.
|
In my opinion domestic violence / abuse has no place within a healthy relationship, D/s or otherwise
Abuse is an act or acts commited by one person upon the other WITHOUT their consent with intent to cause physical or emotional harm.
ch x
|
But that's the problem here. She got what she wanted, what she asked for, what she dreamed of. Then found that the reality was a nightmare. It is truly said "be careful what you ask for, you just might get it".
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No, the problem was the abusive man.
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3 Sep 11, 11:36 PM
totallycoverme
UK(M), 4 yrs
|
planetqueen wrote:
Domestic abuse fetish
Having always craved a relationship where by my man punished me for wrong doings and the like, I recently had a man who did. But none of the kink was there, it was pure assault.
Obviously I ended it, because it wasn't very nice at all in reality. It made me so very scared, and in fact I am worried that the experience might have left me a little fucked up, certainly in relation to D/s and BDSM.
So, the question I am asking is, for those of you who have experienced domestic abuse for real,or who have known others who have, how did you consolidate it into your bdsm life.
I genuinely thought that I was not the kind of woman to ever experience that kind of thing, that I was way too strong, but I was wrong. I guess I am not alone?
|
to the best of my knowledge my bdsm leanings do not relate to domestic abuse. i get off on all the consentual things you mention in your op but in a non consentual context it is shit. i think everyone likes to have a thrilling sexual experience just because that's human nature and i don't think those feelings have to be drawn from experience of domestic abuse.
i mean, i'm open to the fact that experience of domestic abuse *might* result in people leaning towards bdsm in a subconscious way but if that's what goes on in the brain then that's that and i would far rather embrace my enjoyment of bdsm because i believe that that in itself is healthy whether the leanings truely did come from a healthy source or not. It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice  xx
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3 Sep 11, 11:48 PM
valleyrose17
UK(BS), 2 yrs
|
For once - I agree - entirely....
ClassAct2005 wrote:
It's totally different. If you consent to a domestic discipline relationship then it is done out of love and never beyond what is reasonable. YOu feel cared about and most of the time things can be put right by talking rather than physical punishment.
How do you sort out the sheep from the goats, the men in all this? Ask about their past. Sound out their views. See if they have a history of loving long term relationships with happy children they brought up well or whether they have no friends, no family, no happy past lives and their lives are a mess. Avoid those in the latter category. Pick the good ones.
Don't rush. Have a break. Recover. Even if you find someone new don't rush to live together and if you get even a hint of a new person being abusive (because loads of people always attract someone similar again and again and again) stop it right away.
|
"Once in his life, every man is entitiled to fall in love with a gorgeous redhead" - Lucille Ball
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4 Sep 11, 1:02 AM
MisstressvsSolicedog
UK(NN), 17 mths
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the OP's thread show's quite clearly what happens when a troll actually takes control,
a person so insecure within themselve's that they believe 'controling' another person will in fact bring control over thier own pathectic self and own wellbeing
it is a very sad situation that even in this day and age a large number of people are so ill educated and mentaly ill equipted to venture out into this world and enhance another person's life rather than decimate it,
yes a domestic abusive consentual bdsm relationship can and do work,
but never when the consent is not given nor when just taken Please excuse crap spelling cause i,m rubbish
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