D/s Relationships (40)

This got me thinking, I know, strange but once every few years I do.

I am, as almost anyone who has read my ramblings will know, in a long term relationship, married, mortgaged the whole kit and caboodle.

So why is it a D/s relationship, it isn't, it is a relationship, and D/s is our way of doing some things, just like being a vegan is a way of gaining nourishment. Just like it is not biker relationship.

The D/s is a rule book for your relationship, just like the highway code is a rule book for your bike, the difference being you (or at least one of you) write the relationship rule book yourself.

It doesn't need any qualifier.

All you need for a relationship is:-

To like each other

To set boundaries and only change them by agreement

To be honest.

To communicate

To respect each other

To share areas of your life (not just D/s)

Simples.

Here endeth the wisdom for another few years.

Dons flame proof clothing, cunningly disguised as red wine, well it is a bank holiday weekend, and qualifying is on.

Now maybe an F1 relationship.... mmmm

SinPar

-- The weak are the most treacherous of us all. They come to the strong and drain them. They are bottomless. They are insatiable. They are always parched and always bitter. They are everyone's concern, and like vampires they suck our life's blood. (Bette Davis)

It is a human thing - it lives and breathes, and so naming it in one specific way is something I would do with very great care. The wrong name could surely be damaging? I suspect the freer it stays of names and definitions the better really. Heaven knows, there is enough involved in keeping relationships alive and healthy as it is....

That's probably 3 pence worth really.....

As ever, imho

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.

Liked what the OP said and loved what Reversed said. Spot on in my book. (Though I know other people read other books!)

Wholeheartedly seconded.

Adrift, becalmed on a jewelled sea.
Wistful for a wind in my sails...

^^ completely agree with this

For me D/s is or should be a theme which underpins a relationship, as opposed to a way of interacting in the bedroom. It is 24/7 because I am me and he is him all the time, submissive and dominant, and so we always click together in that way, even when we are doing completely vanilla things. So my D/s is more TiH than bedroom play, and there is no “break” between “vanilla” and “D/s”, because the two blend together seamlessly.

And as a result, it is a relationship which just happens to have D/s as a flavour or - as the OP says - rule book - the only difference is that the two partners have agreed upfront how certain situations and aspects of their relationship will operate (and have certain pleasures and 'hobbies' in common!). Simples!

There's a somebody I'm longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be, someone to watch over me
I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood, I know I could always be good, to one who'll watch over me (Ella Fitzgerald)

+1 this.

The characteristics of a happy, healthy and long relationship remain the same regardless of its D/s or vanilla nature.

D/s can be an underlying theme, but what makes a relationship work is common regardless of the gender, sexual orientation or kinkiness level of its participants.

No matter what the question is, the answer's still 42!

Problem is of course online, on a BDSM website there is all the emphasis on the D/s there is all the one upmanship etc that skews the actual reality of the relationship. When you turn the computer off you are just two (or more) people working together to try and get it right.

It's often discussed on here , could you have a relationship without Ds and some people say they try but can't. So how many people in relationships that start out from Ds will happily drop that part ?

Fitz.

Escaped from the parallel universe

There are a few countries in the world where you can properly get married if you're gay.

The British bar on gay people marrying has been challenged but it failed. I believe it was brought by the lesbian daughter of the British childbirth guru Sheila Kitzinger. Her daughter failed in that challenge.

So never let it be wrongly say that under English law gay couples married. That just shows someone up to be rather stupid and not having read the law. It's a really really important issue. They don't marry. They form something different called a civil partnership.