Bad feelings (13)

It has made me wonder if those who are in such roles ever feel taken for granted or used and, if so, how do you prevent those bad feelings form getting in the way of your relationship?

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.

i had been in such a relationship, that eventualy split because, when it came down to it they were more concerned with putting me down for any reason regardless of fault or circumstance then of enhancing the bond,

it all basicly came down to they were very down on themselves and were not going to take that fact on board because everyone else was to blame and so by trying to bring down to there level to make them feel better,,

only when your in an extreemly depressed suisidal state you certainly don't need some twat doing there level best to make you end it all,,

admitadly they saw it different,, they were trying to break me to build me up again,, ( the old Master-slave cliche )

only when the master cant remember fuc becuase he had a head injury it aint so cleaver,,

and before people run in shouting,, oooh i should be more understanding,, my head injury was a damn sight worse, also i had helped him recover a vast amount of lost memory through my own knowledge and expieriance of recovery,

Please excuse crap spelling cause i,m rubbish

In my case, I have to be in total control of my normal life and often find it difficult when someone tries to control certain aspects of that side of me. (Not being difficult, just the dynamics of vanilla world).

As it's been pointed out to me, my submission is freely given and not something to be forced or taken for granted. I hope all my relationships are firmly grounded in mutual understanding and pleasure for both of us. Sadly, in my limited experience there are a few who think differently.

"There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of the imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don't work" - Anais Nin

[ETA @misstressvsdog]

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.

Edited 20 Aug 11, 11:17 PM by Reversed

There is a fine line between D/s and abuse. Some might describe them as being just opposite ends of a continuum. For others they are totally distinct.

However in cases such as you describe I often find it hard to distinguish whether it is dominance or abuse. I discussed this recently on my blog. A commenter suggested the indicator was whether or not there was fear. It seemed to me to be a good suggestion.

Pygar (Beau) - A Kind Dom

That's really interesting - yet I have the impression that fear is an important ingredient in the dynamic for some; the fear of punishment; not knowing how the other person will behave next, for example.

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.

Yes this was discussed too. Clearly a heightened sense of anticipation adds hugely to the dynamic in play, Whether this is real fear I'm not sure. Perhaps sometimes it is. However in the discussion it was suggested that what was meant was fear of the person rather than fear of the act.

D/s and BDSM play is built on trust. Can one truly trust someone who one fears?

Pygar (Beau) - A Kind Dom

That's a really good point - distinguishing the act and the person - and a question about trust that I have often wondered about...

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.

Exactly. For me, I could not have a meaningful and lasting D/s relationship with someone I didn't trust, and part of that trust has to include knowing that he would never knowing do something that would seriously jeopardise our relationship, my vanilla life or harm me. If I feared him, I could not trust him.

That does not however mean that there is no apprehension or uncertainty, as clearly I would not always know exactly what he has planned, what he will do or when or how. But knowing that ultimately he has my and our relationship's best interests in mind means I do not fear him and am comfortable trusting him even when I am apprehensive, when he pushes me or when he has me do (or endure) something I don't particularly enjoy for his pleasure/enjoyment.

There's a somebody I'm longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be, someone to watch over me
I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood, I know I could always be good, to one who'll watch over me (Ella Fitzgerald)

I think some submissives have trouble giving a straight 'no'. There's lots of 'maybe, hmm, not sure and not yet'. 'No' is a complete sentence, it says it all. If you tell someone ten times, 'not sure' or 'maybe' that's nine more times than necessary and every time you answer, its an indefinite.

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