The 'A' Level results are out.... (4)
Kinky_Vidushaka's profile
Posted by Kinky_Vidushaka
on Thu 18 Aug 11, 7:57 AM to Kinky_Vidushaka's blog.
But what about these test answers. 
ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE READY FOR THIS?
The following questions were set in last year's SAT examinations.
These are genuine answers (from 13 year olds)....... .....and they WILL
breed.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water
tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon,
and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well
endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
(Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
(So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
(Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The
abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels:
A, E, I,O,U.. (wt-!)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
(That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I
came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its
meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
(OMG)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
Replies
18 Aug 11, 8:06 AM
Kisspankiss
12 mths
|
Kinky_Vidushaka wrote:
The 'A' Level results are out....
But what about these test answers.
ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE READY FOR THIS?
The following questions were set in last year's SAT examinations.
These are genuine answers (from 13 year olds)....... .....and they WILL
breed.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water
tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon,
and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well
endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
(Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
(So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
(Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The
abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels:
A, E, I,O,U.. (wt-!)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
(That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I
came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its
meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
(OMG)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
|
I don't believe the "judicious" one! It's about 35 years since that advert was on the telly!
Hail Seizure. |
18 Aug 11, 1:22 PM
SquireRaglan
UK(SW), 6 yrs
 |
Kisspankiss wrote:
I don't believe the "judicious" one! It's about 35 years since that advert was on the telly!
Hail Seizure.
|
At least! For those who weren't around before colour TV:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdjIg9gG4GM&NR=1
Jingle starts at about 38 seconds in.
...
|
18 Aug 11, 7:00 PM
Call_Me_Harmony
UK(CB), 5 yrs
|
These are funny but most definately not answers to last years SATS, they have been going the rounds as last years answers for years. If you don't like what you see, what you read, then just move along. Life is too short to waste it arguing about the little things.
http://www.journey.wingsofspirit.co.uk/index.html - Journey
|
19 Aug 11, 12:49 PM
Original_Rebel
UK(CT), 10 yrs
|
Brilliant I LOVE it 
Kinky_Vidushaka wrote:
The 'A' Level results are out....
But what about these test answers.
ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE READY FOR THIS?
The following questions were set in last year's SAT examinations.
These are genuine answers (from 13 year olds)....... .....and they WILL
breed.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water
tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon,
and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well
endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
(Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
(So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
(Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The
abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels:
A, E, I,O,U.. (wt-!)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
(That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I
came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its
meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
(OMG)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
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