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Subs being doms? (61)

This post is on the Other BDSM web board.

18 Aug 11, 8:29 PM
MisstressvsSolicedog
UK(NN), 17 mths

Susancrane wrote:
I don't object to someone telling me what they want otherwise how can I find out that they really need to be dressed in rubber to enjoy any activity. The replies that really annoy me are those that say they only get their satisfaction from pleasing their Domme in any way she wants and then a few memos later say that they have to be dressed as a Maid or in rubber to do it and that I will then enjoy the domination from making them dress as a Maid and I will find it sexually exciting.

Why don't they take a realistic approach in the first place so we can both save our time. And don't try and tell me what I will or will not enjoy.

Yeah i can't help but laugh when i read profiles with sentences that read,, 'you will come when i tell you'

yeah right nip out to the loo mate an i multi orgasm,

theres so much fantasy written into profiles that i honestly believe the writers believe it to be true of themselves,,

many 'doms' lack understanding thier actually dealing with a 'consensual' person who is not in thier (head) fantasy but there in real life,

Please excuse crap spelling cause i,m rubbish

19 Aug 11, 8:54 AM
skadii
UK(W), 5 yrs

Just because I'm submissive doesn't mean that there aren't things I like or dislike. For me, D/s is more about the way I prefer to conduct my relationships. In terms of physical play though - there is no point me negotiating play with someone by dropping my eyes and lisping wetly "whatever you like Mithtweth." That is the path to spending an evening doing something I don't particularly enjoy.

And in the right space, that's great (oh, poor me, being made to do this thing I don't enjoy!) - but not all the time, so when I look for play partners I look for people who enjoy the same things as me. That's not me being dominant, that's me trying to ensure that both of us have a good time. If I were Dommely, I don't suppose I'd want to spend time doing something which the other person was clearly getting nothing out of at all.

So yes, I have physical preferences, just like (gasp) human beings do. But I tend to see that as somewhat separate from a D/s dynamic which is more about how I interact (over and above a physical level) with my partner. I would be unlikely to have a D/s dynamic with someone I'd only just met on the internet - that develops over time.

19 Aug 11, 9:40 AM
ladybabe2
UK(SK), 6 yrs

Does it matter if your sub, bottom or slave when it comes to any form of play or relationship its all about what works for all parties and that only works when you have communicated your wants, limits and yes even things that make you happy!

I am sub to my Master and bottom to anyone else but l still say what does and doesn't work for me and Master and I then discuss how to turn it around, this is not topping from the bottom, but a good Master knowing that if he has a happy contented sub then she will do all she can to ensure that Master is happy too.

Don't make them a priority, when they only make you an option...

19 Aug 11, 10:24 AM
MariaB
UK(GU), 6 yrs

There's a wide difference between being actually fit for a leadership role, and just being an asshole. Theres a lot of assehole's bleating on about subs being too alpha.

Those who don't understand this difference, and get called on it, are generally going to whine and complain, in a very un-dommie way, that their sub is topping them from the bottom!

If you can't lead, then don't expect anyone's going to follow you. Calling yourself a dominant doesn't make you a dominant.

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

19 Aug 11, 10:25 AM
charleeyX45
2 yrs

gismo67 wrote:
Subs being doms?

good thread. good replies - shame @dearmentor and @verynicereversed have to copy All their conversations, (we can pick up the threads you know......if this were paper you d have wasted some trees!)

anyhoo - yes communication is still key. the middle ground of play the all important place. also distinguishing Dom from Top and sub from bott, [dont look at me am still learning].

interstingly on the weekend - had one person wish to do tie up and things to me without ANY discussions. who d be up for that? (not me)

and another who cared not if I was bott, sub, domme - just had their agenda and nicely wished me to meet it.

Big world - keep eyes open - and not mouth shut (or filled) till roles, expectations nd limits have been established. xx

Edited 19 Aug 11, 10:26 AM by charleeyX45

19 Aug 11, 4:18 PM
gismo67
15 mths

Thanks to everyone who contibuted. It didn't get me any further but made interesting reading. I omitted to say that this demanding attitude had been displayed during the initial correspondence on IC, not during a meeting or anything.

An example would be a sub who cannot accommodate assertively pushing that I should do so (I have limitations too, mainly relating to neighbours). A sub listing in great detail what I'm expected to do and ignoring the subjects I raise.

I'm not going to invite a stranger back to my home when they've already demonstrated their excessive assertiveness.

20 Aug 11, 2:26 AM
Romola
UK, 7 yrs

AngelFingers1 wrote:
Simples.... There are people who label themselves sub or dom in order to get their sexual fantasies satisfied. (Neither have any interest in their unfortunate partners needs)

Doesnt make then sub or dom. Just assholes!

Does one necessarily follow the other? If someone gets off on BDSM and seeks someone who gets off on it in a compatible way, does that mean that they have no interest in their partners needs? What if you get off sexually on fulfilling your partners sexual needs? Are you an asshole? And does that imply that you don't have any other interest in them?

It's only a weblog

20 Aug 11, 4:42 AM
Empress_Martine
UK(HA), 2 yrs
£

gismo67 wrote:
Subs being doms?

I'm puzzled. I've put myself down as Dom because I wish to be in final control of the activities. I hear often from people who call themselves Subs yet expect me to alter my requirements to fit totally into theirs. To provide them what they want, to the extent of often ignoring my requirements. Sort of dominating from the submissive position (dominant submissives?). Can't get my head around it and would welcome your views!

Two things spring to mind. Either you are meeting subs who like to "top" the dom or you have been meeting switches more often then you think. Look it up in the bdsm online dictionary.

http://empressm7.uboot.com/ http://www.socialkink.com/empressmartine Vampire, pro/lifestyle ts dom/switch.Ageplay mummy/aunty/AB,medical play,domestic,energy, outdoor specialist."Awsome! But whose's look after the country's security? The FBI pull double shifts!"

20 Aug 11, 6:26 AM
Cinnamon_Tart
UK(S), 8 yrs

Mona_Demarkov wrote:
To me that doesn't sound like topping from the bottom, or someone being a switch, or someone needing to see a Pro-Domme...it is just the realization that most Dom/mes arrive to sooner or later: there is fantasy, and then there is reality.

In reality everything is about 50:50. The sooner you accept that, the better. And then spend the rest of your time figuring out ways to make it seem like it's not so, just for appearances sake. Whoever tells you differently is either in denial, or doesn't know their sub very well.

Brava.

I'd add that every good dominant I've ever known, is probably more interested in giving, than taking. It's all about the symbiosis.

Pleasure: quantified by plunge pools, and waterfalls.

24 Aug 11, 12:49 AM
worm_boy
UK(B), 4 yrs

There is nothing wrong with subs having specific requirements or should I say interests they wish to be fulfilled, just look to the right hand side of any subs profile on here. We can't help what flaots our boat.

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