This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Sat 13 Aug 11, 1:13 PM djin_bleu UK(NW), 5 yrs    |
Within any form of D/s or M/s relationship. Even if you just occasionally play with someone there is always a sticky (scuse the pun) issue of fidelity. I know this is a potential deal breaker between many people scene wise and just into BDSM in general. For example plenty of fem subs I have known do NOT or will not even play with someone who has another play partner, I'm not saying all fem subs feel this way but there are quite a few who subscribe to this point of view. Some people think being in the kingdom of BDSM gives them carte blanche to pick and fuck anything they like as long as they tell their current play partner which can and usually does lead to difficulties with partners competing for attention/affection. Sometimes Master and Mistresses expect their subs to remain loyal yet expect to flirt and play with whom they please, is this just the way it is? So what I am asking is is fidelity and sometimes chastity important to you when with a partner or choosing one, even just for play? How do you deal with issues of this nature
*She who rides the Demon is afraid to dismount* ~* A hopeless dreamer she said, eyes of cloud and feet of lead *~ | |
| 13 Aug 11, 1:51 PM OllieVW 3 yrs |
When me & @lima_pink_tigress initially hooked up as playmates casual play was something she knew I did, loved and was an integral part of how things worked for me. Out of the blue she became attached and her own personal values/morals kicked in and she decided that playing together under those circumstances wasn't for her.
I chose to commit to her and only her. On one occasion I played but i spoke to her and she agreed (with some fuss I may add After a while she saw how stressed not having casual play was making me and the difference not having the choice to do so was having on me. Lima struggled but found her own way to deal with me playing with others. She knows how sexual play is for me even without any sexual contact or penetration (which there never was with anybody else). The difficulty in the above was that knowing how difficult it was for Lima to accept this part of me because of her own feelings towards casual play, even though I could play with others I didn't on a regular basis and even turned down offers of play. Even with the best intentions in the world when you meet someone and become emotionally attached to the thought or sight of them playing with someone else IMO can only go two ways. You'll either be ok with it or you wont. If you aren't say straight away if there's no compromise or definite decision you both agree on then it wont work. People can change and through time and experiencing different things but I think you either see play/sexual contact/sex etc... as an act/need or as an emotional attachment. I think that's why the majority of people I know or talked to don't actually play outside their own home environment. Its just to personal and sexual. Sharing that with another or knowing your other is enjoying this with someone/group as well must be hard for most people to accept or understand. I look forward to reading this thread, hopefully some of the poly & mono pervs will get into a debate.
Ill bleed for you if you make me cum | |
| 13 Aug 11, 2:00 PM sassyslut US, 21 mths |
personally I have never done the monogamous, so i feel and define fielity in a different way ( what works for me maybe not for others) as more of the emotonal kind, have been with prmary for 12 years and many here know we have children ( at least know i have them if they haven't met primary) he does rarely play with others although has plenty of casual and not so casual sex with others (mostly friends but sometimes the odd one nighter) we have never had a problem about casual ones and only had one episoded of me being slightly jealous of a friend but it wasnt her it was the circumstance and he been out of town for a couple of weeks coming back and we both goiing to her place for the evening me ending comng back home alone and him staying over, we talked about how i wished he had come with me as i missed him and got over it my point with the long story? is that fulflling eahc others emotional needs (ohh a great doese of play and sex goes there too) is far deeper in our relationship than who you touch or how you touch them. The knowledge that we love each other deeply is enough, we have also had more serious relationships with others but never had a jealousy issue. But then is what works for us, if either one or any of our other partners were deeply into monogamy of anhy sort it wouldnt work Ladran Sancho!! seņal de que avanzamos. | |
| 13 Aug 11, 2:02 PM sassyshygirl UK(NN), 10 mths |
i am very new to bdsm etc..and am still learning about bdsm lifestyle..so excuse me if i am clueless..i am in a loving relationship with my bf..who is a switch..he i know would love to play with others..especially as i am unable to domme him..but for me i will struggle with him doing this..it hasn't happened yet..but he does want another female to flogg and dom him..i said at next event if he wants to i will let him..but i have said i may not like it..but am willing to give it a go..as for me anything sexual etc is an emotional thing..perhaps it is just a female thing..or perhaps it is just me..
i wish i felt that he could do what ever..and in my head i would love to let others play with me..but emotionally don't think i can..i have never cheated and i do look at it in that way..i hope i can change within the bdsm scene..as would be more exciting..but we are what we are | |
| 13 Aug 11, 2:20 PM StickyNote 10 mths |
There seems to be a small minority who will take a sub, get them hooked so to speak, then casually announce that they are taking on another sub and the original has a duty to put up or shut up. By that point, the original is sadly and far too often suckered into thinking it'll be ok. More often than not, unless agreed before hand, it's not and will end in tears. Usually the original subs. That's my observation anyway and why any relationship of mine, inside or outside of BDSM would be one on one. Each to their own, but agreeing to something in advance is not the same as being talked into it under pressure from a master/mistress. | |
| 13 Aug 11, 2:36 PM lapetitemort55 UK(E), 4 yrs |
Agree nothing to add (pointless post really)
The absence of apostrophes is to get you .. yes .. it is. Grating yet ? | |
| 13 Aug 11, 2:52 PM Red_Spark UK(LE), 5 yrs |
When me and my boy first got together he said that he would be happier if it was an exclusive relationship I.e. neither of us playing with anyone else. I had previously always assumed that if I had a 24/7 slave I would have control of which, if any, partners they would play with but had also assumed I would carry on playing with different people. However, as I was/am satisfied with my one and only slave/partner I had no problem agreeing in principle with his request. I did however say that you can never say never and I did not think it would be a good idea to tie either of us to a promise in the matter. What we did promise though was that the relationship would be exclusive in principle but if either of us wants to play with someone else we MUST discuss it with each other and each be happy with that. There are some circumstances where I might not be happy for my slave to play with another as although there is not necessarily sexual contact it definitely creates/strengthens an emotional bond in a lot of cases. I don't see this as a restriction placed on me by him either but as my choice to respect his feelings which is essential for even the strictest 24/7 relationship I think. I think we are both happily monogamous but I feel that trying to predict the future is a recipe for disaster! "Be quiet and come with me. I won't betray you." Edited 13 Aug 11, 2:55 PM by Red_Spark | |
| 13 Aug 11, 2:57 PM icy_one 11 mths |
I am always monogamous when i am in a relationship, i'm not even interested in playing with others. I don't necessarily expect the same of a partner, but it is something that should be discussed. Don't tell me you've screwed someone after you've done it The chains that bind my mind are stronger than the chains that bind my body | |
| 13 Aug 11, 3:02 PM SpartanReserve UK(SN), 24 mths |
cant see myself ever wanting to have multiple this and that, I am on the shelf right now but in the future regardless of title, sub/Dom, I am a one Woman Man and will require a one Man Woman. Just because she might sub to me is no excuse for me to think I can mis-treat her feelings in that way. Ive been a crappy boyfriend on a number of occasions but have yet to do that to a partner. Even if the sub thought or wanted me to have more than one sub say, that would just mean we are not suited. On certain issues of play I could see ways to involve others, like for fun type stuff, say we had a mutual friend that liked extended bondage as an example, then I see no reason why we couldnt baby sit said friend. The thing is that for me my sub, if im lucky enough to meet her will be everything I need and I want to be that for her too. Guess I am looking for a whole nine yards deal. Perhaps my mind set might alter, I mean I intend to engage in casual play in the future as a means of hopefully meeting miss right, im in no rush for any of it though at the moment.
The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. | |
| 13 Aug 11, 3:17 PM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs      |
Other than her husband, who she screws is my business. I see it as part of my rights to have her where and when I wish. Having said that, the issue hasn't arisen and is most unlikely to with anyone we know. A bit of anonymous cock in the night might be different, but I've not been so minded, so far. As to me. She's made it abundantly clear that who I screw is entirely my affair and we do both believe friendship need not stop at the bedroom door. But, so far, there has only been the odd dalliance. Pleasant but inconsequential. Partly this may be that I regard myself as entirely faithful to her and completely monogamous, whether we have other friends or play partners or not. I thunk fidelity, trust and honesty are cornerstones of a relationship. I think sex us just a hobby b
My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) Edited 19 Oct 11, 7:37 PM by Belasarius | |
| 13 Aug 11, 3:34 PM MariaB UK(GU), 6 yrs |
My husband and me are both dominant and although we may play around with a little power exchange, neither of us have an iota of submission in us. Both of us enjoy someone submitting to us and so having a sub to share was the obvious way forward. I am more than happy for S to be on his own, for an hour, a night or a week with our fem sub and I am more than happy for him to scene with other subs and he is the same with me. In other words, I want for him what he needs and what will make him happy and he wants for me what I need and will make me happy. As long as there is honestly along with precautions then I don't see a problem. Fan of edgeplay.co.uk |
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