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| crimsonsky |
Somewhere near the metropolis of Croyden, in the dystopian society of pre-apocalyptic Britain, in the year 2011. The sands of time are running out. The countdown to the doom has begun. Tick tock. Tick tock.
Helicopters fly overhead and the air is filled with the acrid scent of last season trainers burning. I have barricaded the windows and am using the laptop with the lights out. I am afraid to turn on the television in case they are listening, and the only source of reliable information I have is the weblog news bulletins. I have filled the bath with cold water. I have powdered milk and teabags. I have stopped taking my medication because insanity is all in my head. I have stopped listening to my psychiatrist and am only listening to the voices.
I predict a riot The government has used NLP to brainwash law abiding young citizens into rioting and looting via the medium of Blackberry instant messaging, as part of a fiendish plot to implement a totalitarian state. The police will be ordered to stand by and watch as Londinium burns. With feigned reluctance, and at the behest of the populis, martial law will be imposed as a 'temporary measure' to restore order.
The messages will urge young people to head to JD Sports and Footlocker for “pure terror, havoc and free stuff” Unable to resist, the youth will be impelled towards shops selling quality electrical goods and sportswear and away from their natural inclinations towards sellers of improving books and purveyors of philosophy and wholefood products.
I hesitantly ventured out towards Waitrose to stockpile food, however they had closed early and I had to go to Marks and Spencers instead. They had run out of wholemeal and I was forced to buy multi-seeded. The seeds get stuck in my teeth, but one must be prepared to make sacrifices and needs must in a crisis.
It all seemed quiet, apart from the idiots laughing at my aether magick iah wanka dancing down the road as I listened to my IPod. I ignored the ignorant cretans, for what do they know, they are incapable of forming or apprehending the most basic propositions.As Bob Marley said “My future is righteousness”
As I was waiting for the bus a crowd of youths on bicycles appeared and were congregating in the vicinity of the Carphone Warehouse. I felt it nothing less than my duty to implore them to immediately cease and desist their telephonic communications.
My brethren, STEP AWAY FROM YOUR BLACKBERRYS, for the sake of your soul! I propose you pre-empt pernicious programming with positive content. Confucious said "He who learns but does not think, is lost! He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger."
I begun to sing One love and offered them a toke on my spliff.
One of the youths paused perplexed, from his one-handed texting whilst propelling makeshift missiles at the shop window with his other hand. He stared at me for a moment then said “ Fuck off you wordy cunt” and headbutted me.
Alas, the neuro linguistic programming was just too strong for the poor deluded slave . Dazed, confused and bleeding from my wounds, I wandered homewards. A kind soul helped me with my backpack. Later I realised my IPod and my wallet had been misplaced in the mayhem. By a stroke of great good fortune the loaf of bread whilst much mangled remained. I upturned the bag on the table and counted the crumbs, they numbered 556. 556, the number of the doom.
I kiss my mother goodbye and wait for the end of the world to come. In 556 minutes and counting.
I roll my last spliff and I wait.
Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
Tick, tock.
I roll my final last spliff. And I wait
Tick, tock.
I roll my absolutely final last spliff. And I wait, and wait.
Tick, tock.
Some time later my mum calls me for dinner and I emerge dusty and covered in fluff from under my bed. The deadline is long past, but strangely the world still turns. The apocalypse must be planned for after tea.
| 11 Aug 11, 7:55 PM Once_Upon_A_Time 17 mths  |
And next week on IC, we have Kick-a-Kripple Night. | ||||
| 11 Aug 11, 8:37 PM crimsonsky UK, 7 yrs |
Is that related to your laugh as police beat the shit out of teenagers and then delete the weblog Wednesday? I love the smell of hypocrisy in the evening.
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| 11 Aug 11, 8:55 PM Once_Upon_A_Time 17 mths |
Ah the dark side of me...you've busted me there. But I thunk better of it. Don't want to encourage these things. | ||||
| 11 Aug 11, 9:43 PM crimsonsky UK, 7 yrs |
I wouldn't want to encourage people to smoke way too much dope and act like a complete tool on the internet either.I believe that some kripples could throw away their krutches and walk if they laid off the skunk.
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| 11 Aug 11, 9:55 PM Once_Upon_A_Time 17 mths |
Now you see, I quite like that. Somebody acting like a dick off his own bat, with everybody else booing him off. Or at any rate, it doesn't annoy me. But then I've never exactly been a team player. Probably why I've got no mates. | ||||
| 12 Aug 11, 4:10 PM Miss_Lead UK(HP), 6 yrs |
So, when exactly does your book come out? I would be the first to buy it. Geniously written, inspiring totally - so insightful. Thanks for making me smile  "It's just a ride, it's just a ride" ~ Bill Hicks ~ Edited 12 Aug 11, 4:11 PM by Miss_Lead | ||||
| 24 Dec 11, 12:50 PM merrynb99 UK(SL), 6 yrs |
Tick tock tick tock I hate the way time keeps right on passing. I miss you! xx
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| 24 Dec 11, 11:44 PM Andromalius UK(M), 7 yrs |
I laughed too much and got hit with a noise abatement order  The @ultraviolence group. For serious discussion of utter brutality |
