Bisexual men and IC (31)

this may take a little time and effort, so if you're reading, please make yourself comfortable and have your pop-corn close at hand.

some of you may have seen a thread i started a few days ago about the attitudes within IC regarding bisexual and homosexual kinksters here. especially the attitudes towards non-hetrosexual males.

i tried to illustrate my concerns with examples from an individuals' regular responses to enquiries from bisexual men here. for my sins the thread was pulled. i would like to make it clear that although i used one persons reactions as an example; my concern is wider.

i have thought quite hard wether to pursue this issue, and if so, should it be a blog, or what? i have decided that it belongs in the 'activism' section, because it really does feel like an Issue, rather than just a rant.

so, on to the matter at hand.

illustrations of my concerns can be found in any topic relating to 'forced-bi' or where men are asking questions relating to playing with other men. i won't dredge through the threads for quotes, but it is my opinion that some of the responses are borderline homophobic, or biphobic.

this is apparently very controversial to say. but i am a bisexual man. and a quick look through my own posts will show that time and again i bump into comments that I find offensive.

now, whenever i bring this up, or challenge anyone about their language, there are people that support my comments and people that disagree. obviously i am glad to recieve support, and thank those people for their input. but really it is those that get het up in response that i would really like to communicate to. hopefully without being called troll or idiot or whatever else .

i would like to make a statement of the bleeding obvious -

i am bisexual. that means i can enjoy sexual ( kink or otherwise ) relationships with men and women.

gaydar, recon and numerous other sites have been offered as examples of more suitable spaces for bi-sexual men to go to, on account of the lack of bi-men here at IC.

many statistics have been put forward to support this view. i suspect that those statistics are pretty spurious and even if true, they do not make the case for directing bisexual men away from IC.

here are some thoughts that i would like IC to consider.

- one of the reasons i joined IC is exactly because there are both women and men here.

- there are lots of well-respected women as well as men here that actively support male bisexuality. this is shown on many threads.

- gaydar is a cruising site and recon kinda makes my eyes water.

- i have never seen a bad word said about female bisexuality here, never seen anyone re-directed to a more 'suitable' website. never seen anyone write #shudder# when considering female D/s ,whereas i have seen just that regarding male D/s

- i would estimate that 60% of the unsolicited memos i recieve are from men who's profiles say they are looking for women only. ( yes, i like girl clothes, but please, i'm so obviously a boy )

there are heaps of bisexual men here. stats that 'prove' otherwise are false, because so many will not put that on their profile. please stop suggesting other sites for bisexual men; those sites are unsuitable because there are no women there and we are Bisexual . also, those sites do not allow for the kind of social intercourse and development that can be found at a less cruisey/dating site like IC.

please. if you see a dodgy comment, challenge it. i have been here for 18 months or so and this has been the only grit in my eye as far as IC is concerned. now it seems to have become so ordinary an occurance to tell bi-men that this is not the place for them.

i find some hetrosexual porn deeply disturbing, but i am not anti-hetrosexual. i find plenty of threads here disturbing, but i am not anti-them either. YKIOK isn't it ?

i am here to express my kinks, to share and converse with people that have similar intrests, be they male female hetro bi poly or queer. if you're straight and the thought of bisexual men offends you, fine, just don't read those threads, in the same way that i do not jump into ultraviolence threads and voice my opinions.

is it worth the fuss ? should i wind my neck in and ignore the comments that offend me ? am i an idiot, a troll ? one man crusade whatever. i already feel less welcome here than i thought i was, because of my sexuality.

i believe it Is an issue for IC .i believe it is political. female bisexuality is celebrated here and i would like to think male bisexuality was too. i would like to feel that IC is one of those few places that welcomes All sexualities and kinks. I would like to see bi-men welcomed and enjoyed as much as anyone else.

thankyou for your time, peace luck happiness stuff

x chris

LOOK ELSEWHERE (your type aint wanted here) in at least the feel of some of the comments i,ve seen have been so

i would say that a number tolerate bi and bi oriented posts others welcome bi specific posts yet there are those who wont like it all

IC is full of everyday people who like a selection of kink not all the same everyday people who have different and differing predegist,

look at people knocking gingers it happens

a short while ago grammer Nazis haunted the hallowed post's of IC,, just after that new people got ripped into then there was a different trend to which im at pains to recount,

i,ve always been 'bi' and through lifes passage i,ve been 'knocked' for it by striaght and gay alike

as i have for being tall for being ginger,,

but i dont feel that IC is so different from the vanilla world bacause we have a kink dosnt stop us from being embittered sick twisted individauls that hates everyone else

oops did i say that

Please excuse crap spelling cause i,m rubbish

I too find the unthinking hetero-normativity of IC a touch frustrating that said, from a practical POV what advice whould we give a guy looking for other guys on this site? Threads on the topic of "I'm a guy and I can't seem to find other guys for play here" are not uncommon; There's easily one every month or two (perhaps more) and quite often it's (identified) gay men asking. If we're not to point them in the direction of where they might have some success what advice should we give instead? And is giving someone some actually useful advice denigrating bisexual men? I seriously doubt it.

And the reason why bi (or gay) women aren't pointed elsewhere is because the aren't asking. I haven't once seen a thread where a woman is asking why she's having no success meeting other women on this site (admittedly I'm not trawling every post 24/7). Plus the usual societal invisibility of female sexuality.

I know several Doms on here who are not averse to kink with another man, yet choose to keep that information private.

Historically it's been more acceptable for a woman to be bi. For men to enjoy sex and relationships with both sexes is just greedy, but then that's the attitude many have to switches. Well either greedy or can't make our minds up.

It is strange that when seemingly the majority of us consider ourselves to be open minded and accepting, the reality is that the same prejudices exist here as much as in the vanilla world.

I was once called narrow minded by a dim dom. My reply was, I'm an ambidextrous, bi-sexual switch, how much more open minded do I need to be?

If I might suggest that any posts you find offensive are reported if you feel they are prejudice against bi-sexuality. That way Admin can make a decision.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign. Mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

I agree with you on the vast majority of this post apart from the hetero-normativity of IC part.

As a bisexual male, I'm quite comfortable with the fact that society, in general, is primarily heterosexual.

I think you have hit the nail on the head with the fact that most comments are directed at the "Why can't I find...x,y or z" threads.

Without trawling the past threads I can't say for certain, but the response on those is no more critical than on the ones from male subs or doms asking the same thing.

I also can't recall anyone contradicting the view that there are better places to hook up than IC. (Though there are lots of people who have suggested that OKCupid is a better place to hook up with heterosexual kinsters than IC, so maybe it's just that for a lot of people IC isn't that useful for hooking up at all?).

I think that where people are in a minority or feel marginalised they can perceive what people intend as constructive advice can be seen as dismissive.

I wonder if the greater issue is more around what would improve the situation rather than see discrimination under every bed.

*edited for spelling*

If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see
You can find out first-hand what it's like to be me
The End - MCR

Edited 9 Aug 11, 1:03 AM by Corwin

Mark

I have seen bi-females told that the odds of success on here are slim too – though I agree that pointing them away from the site only perpetuates that situation – which is a shame.

What I haven't seen is overtly homophobic comments, which we both know would be stamped on from a great height.

As for your impresssions of covert homophobic attitudes – well – you have to factor in your own sensitivity to these things, which is probably higher than average.

Sometimes you may be right – sometimes you may be wrong.

All we can all do is to keep an open eye and an open mind about these things – otherwise we become that which we protest against.

The person you originally railed at in the pulled thread is well known for having all the sensitivity of a water buffalo on prozac ….... you and he are not a good mix hun

Nice to see this thread though, and the way in which you have presented it – now we can have a positive discussion on the subject …....

Ever wondered who the devil comes to for ideas ?

slanted and enchanted

I used to have a casting on my profile for my photography that was a little more gay-centric and some of the memos I got were... grim.

Edited 9 Aug 11, 6:55 AM by ConsciousnessJunkie