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| Scarlet_Cheex |
on Tue 19 Jul 11, 2:09 PM to the Ultraviolence group.
Touchy subjects.
Once-upon-a-time, I had a safeword.
'Bananas'.
Not that I used it much. I can probably count those moments on one hand; but it was a shelter......a handbrake. As the submissive in the situation, I retained not only an element of control, but personally, I believe, *the* element.
I'm aware that not all dynamics are the same, and the necessity/validity of using a safeword depends greatly upon the activity taking place, and upon the relationship/understanding between the individuals involved in it. In the past, I would never have contemplated not having this safety-catch....just in case 
A sensible decision too.
My current situation is different.
Different to anything I've experienced.
UV opens a door to a whole other room in the bdsm house. For me, the domination is aggressive and extremely real. There is no 'game'. There's nothing 'casual' or light-hearted about it. It's brutal, dramatic, fast, furious, and very primal in its nature. It's D/s at its most base, perhaps. But for all its intensity and 'edgy-ness', I'm not really sure how the safeword could be utilised here.
With UV, nothing is 'given-up', it's 'taken away'....... The whole lot; power, dignity, submission. A power-struggle which only the most dominant of the pair *will* win.
With my safeword gone, I'm on my own.
Without it, I find myself to be *completely* given-over to the whims and mercy of another. (Although have now taken to shouting 'Help'....which is a bit of a pointless thing to say to the person attacking you.)
Much maligned and sniffed at, UV is often dismissed by those who struggle to comprehend it. That's ok. Dominance, submission, power exchange, etc. are as diverse as the folk who pursue it, but for me, it's interesting that the unexpected loss of something I have always insisted upon, has allowed me to experience something, in what I feel, is its most pure and genuine form.
xxx
| 19 Jul 11, 4:15 PM pepperpants UK, 3 yrs |
Umm...are you defining UV as an activity done sans safeword or are you talking about how the two coincide in your relationship? 'Too much is how much I want.' | |||
| 19 Jul 11, 8:02 PM Scarlet_Cheex UK(NE), 5 yrs |
The latter. It's not within my capability to define UV for everyone. xxx
'Well you wouldn't know a diamond if you held it in your hand... The things you think are precious I can't understand' | |||
| 20 Jul 11, 3:56 PM pinkylucy UK(M), 9 yrs     |
This was interesting to read. I cling to my right to have a safeword like some kind of safety blanket, although in reality it's a bit of a farce. I have always struggled with using safewords - I did it once over 10 years ago but only because I knew that's what was wanted from me on that particular evening. Despite that, when the SM comes in a more ritualised or organised format I'm always aware of the notion of it hovering in the back of my mind. Like a quiet background track saying, 'if it gets too much you have a safeword'. When it comes to UV type activities though that little voice seems to disappear. The mindset is different and even though I am more terrified and in more pain and to all intents and purposes in a position where I really should be *more* mindful of having a safeword I'm just not. When I feel like I'm being attacked I don't feel I can stop it. I'm lost in that 'victim' space. I had to finally acknowledge that I really don't use safewords when I opted to disassociate my mind and shut down and turn into some kind of jibbering jellyfish rather than use a safeword. I think the UV style of things just cements that for me. If you ask me, I'll still say I have a safeword though!! "Don't Dream It, Be It" - The Rocky Horror Show 1973 Edited 21 Jul 11, 11:27 AM by pinkylucy | |||
| 21 Jul 11, 5:26 PM Hartless UK(S), 2 yrs  |
You should probably let me know what it is at some point, you know. Resistance is futile. | |||
| 22 Jul 11, 9:19 AM little_imp UK(BN), 3 yrs  |
Is it wrong that that made me snort with laughter?! "WHORE!!" | |||
| 22 Jul 11, 11:03 AM verte UK(E), 8 yrs |
The sadist allows me a safeword -- but punishes me for using it. There has GOT to be a comeuppance in the use of a safeword for me. I'm not really a passive lie-there-and-take-it kind of gal. Railing against the tyranny of 'common sense'. | |||
| 22 Jul 11, 2:50 PM pinkylucy UK(M), 9 yrs |
It is kinda funny isn't it? Even funnier is that I'm not actually sure what it is. But I have one ok!!!! "Don't Dream It, Be It" - The Rocky Horror Show 1973 | |||
| 3 Nov 11, 7:27 PM Unschuldiger_Teufel UK(ST), 3 yrs |
This made me giggle. I do this if I'm being tickled. I'll scream for help at the top of my lungs even if I know no one else is in the house (and if there was they wouldn't help me either, they'd ignore it or laugh at me...) "What in the name of sanity have you got on your head?" "It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool." @Azariah: "I'll dominate you like a tiger dominates... a possum!" | |||
| 3 Nov 11, 7:38 PM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs    |
Liked the OP a. very great deal My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) | |||
| 3 Nov 11, 10:08 PM dusted UK(B), 18 mths  |
I don't have a safeword either. When I first had experience of any bdsm (which happened to be UV) I was too young and stupid to know what a safeword was and now I'm not allowed one. In UV situations though I kind of agree. Any sense or reason leaves me and I can't imagine ever making myself use it. I do also immensely love the feeling of him punching me so I wouldn't stop it from that perspective. When being caned I always think of those subs who have safewords and then sink into self pity because I don't. Then I get more turned on. It's a vicious cycle I don't get on my knees to pray. |
