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| foxgirl |
[A stupid, self involved, non bdsmy, uninteresting, blog; because at half past eleven there's no one you can call and because I don't have anywhere else to put the words that need to get out of my head. And because I guess I'm hoping someone is online, or that someone will link to a song that makes me smile or some other pleasant outcome that seems to happen when a member posts about the difficult stuff. IC is full of nice people. It's too late and I'm really not in the mood to be told to take it elsewhere or to shut up and get on with it. Tomorrow I will. Right now, no.]
So what do you do when every choice is going to hurt and you can't find an option that won't? When there's really not an obvious middle path?
One of my bosses said yesterday that one of the things he admires about me is that I'm such a positive person. I guess he's just not seen me sobbing at half eleven because there really are't options. I like lists. I like making lists. I've got lists of options and solutions, and their corresponding potential outcomes. Not one of them is without hurt and heartache. There's not even really a least-evil.
So I guess the option that hurts least is changing nothing, doing nothing, carrying on and not thinking. The crying only started because of a ludicrously bad decision to watch 'Marley and Me', it's just that now it's started it won't stop. I've got about seven hours until I have to be up again and I really don't need to be doing this right now.
I'm being stupid, my life is full of good things. Amazing things and wonderful people. I'm whining, and I'm tempted to post this with replies off but that negates the possibility for any good to come of it (I know I am abusing the internet's capacity for compassion!) and so I'll go to work tomorrow and I'll carry on because that's what's going to happen. It's going to carry on. It has to be alright. And in the mean time I'll go join a doctor's surgery and see if I can get my pill changed again and see if that helps with the erratic moods and I'll make more lists and it will be alright.
I really have to get some sleep. Herbal tea and curling up.
Thank you, if you're reading this, for even bothering to do that. Thank you for anonymously being the people I can call at half past eleven when the sky is falling and everything looks horrifying and too big. Thank you.
| 10 Jul 11, 11:42 PM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs  |
Just remember that tomorrow morning the world will be smaller and the sky will be higher and you will get through this night and the next one too. And all the nights after that...because you are more resilient than you realise right now. <<<<<hug>>>>> x "If you let me have my way, I swear I'll tear you apart..." | |||
| 10 Jul 11, 11:53 PM Nosfratu UK(B), 19 mths |
Just read this as i am a bit of a night person, no advise to give as each to there own, with or with out pain your still the right side of the grass. | |||
| 10 Jul 11, 11:54 PM a_dearheart UK, 16 mths |
I find a cool hand to the forehead, a kiss and a promise that things will be better in the morning always help, and so I send these three things to you. Take care. “You can be as self-assertive as you like, just so long as you do what you're told.” ~ Pratchett, T. | |||
| 11 Jul 11, 12:04 AM Dark_Cherry UK(B), 2 yrs     |
The words that always bring me comfort when the shit is showering down are these: "This too shall pass" Sometimes it feels like it never will, but in time, always does. Big, big hugs, honey x Fuck labels. Labels suck. I am a filthy, slutty, sadistic princess | |||
| 11 Jul 11, 12:06 AM FluffySub UK(NN), 6 yrs     |
Wise words. I have been through hell and back these last few years. There are ALWAYS brighter days on the horizon. The trick is to keep your chin up till you get there x Not huffy or stuffy, nor tiny or tall,
But fluffy, just fluffy, with no brains at all. | |||
| 11 Jul 11, 1:00 AM Happy_Monkey_J UK(B), 4 yrs |
It's OK to be down now and again, in fact it's practically compulsory! Remember; "It's not how many times you get knocked down; it's how many times you get back up." Dominating a doormat is like wrestling a hamster. One sided, dull and not worth bragging about... | |||
| 11 Jul 11, 1:13 AM Once_Upon_A_Time 17 mths |
I thought you meant that in a Royal way. I was about to launch into a description of my professional endeavours. Your One-ness would not have been amused, I'm sure. | |||
| 11 Jul 11, 2:53 AM Shypeachybottom UK, 20 mths |
^^ Agreed Sometimes having a really good cry, until I am exhausted, feels cleansing, like the worries that triggered the crying have left me, or at least are back in a more realistic proportion and no longer seem quite as overwhelming. Another thing is positive visualisation. If there is something specific worrying you, imagine yourself facing that situation (almost like a waking dream, but you influence the way it unfolds). Imagine yourself calm and collected, and facing up to the challenge, and succeeding. For some reason I find that makes facing up to the challenge (if it does actually materialise) easier, because I feel more prepared for it. Big hugs. There's a somebody I'm longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be, someone to watch over me | |||
| 11 Jul 11, 7:51 AM Ama_Sidero UK(GU), 7 yrs      |
^^^^All of the above posts.
Except for the crying bit - it can give a bastard of a headache.
You can only do what you think is right. Then, even if it's wrong, you have the small consolation that you did it for the right reason. I do lists. They help me think, but don't help much with a decision, do they? And, every day they can change according to new developments. Frustrating! Good luck, foxgirl. Like the others have said....there is always light. More hugs at you.
@Play_Space - Next party is Friday, July 22 from 930 - 3 am. Info found here: http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/301137/0/... Road Trip to the Sea!!! Next tentatively planned in October.....Just elapsed...More info here:http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/305429/0/... | |||
| 11 Jul 11, 8:41 AM epona74 UK(SL), 7 yrs |
I only just came across this as I was stuck on the M25 (or was I still on the M1?) at 11:30 last night  Firstly, hope you're feeling a little better today...I always found night time to be when my demons and insecurities would be at their strongest! I still don't sleep in pitch black well as a result...just having SOME light seemed to help me feel safe. Secondly, there is nothing wrong with having a good cry. I always say tears water the soul. It's something that we sometimes need, to let the emotion out rather than having it bouncing around inside getting stronger. When in a situation where all obvious choices will mean others may experience hurt, I would go with the one that feels the best to me. Whatever that choice is, I can always be sure that I did it from the perspective of that's what felt better for me at the time. There is also the option of discussing it with someone, to see if there are any options that you haven't seen (obviously this depends on the situation in question). Sometimes we can be so blinded by our own fears that we don't see really obvious answers. At the end of the day though, we can only ever do our best. Sometimes doing our best will give others the cause to feel hurt. That doesn't mean that we hurt them, because they have to consent to feeling that. Hugs! For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness. (Ralph Waldo Emerson) |
