10 Jul 11, 12:12 PM
Monkey_Wench
UK(B), 20 mths
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Masters_little_Slut wrote:
All_of_Me wrote:
I understand and appreciate that you are doing your best not to be sexist with the parameters and phrasing of your question, however, any new sub, male or female, has a certain responsibility for themselves as well.
It wasn't that long ago that I was in the situation you describe, I was lucky in that I had made 2 friends who were Doms (proper ones!) and they gave me good advice. One of them pointed me towards this site, and I set about educating myself. I read everything I could find, joined @Sub_Club and made some friends who were also female subs.
I take the view that I am responsible for my safety, I am responsible for my choice as my dominant, and I am responsible for agreeing boundaries and limits with him when that happens.
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I agree but those that don't have anyone to guide them and don't really know what they are doing is a different matter.
the trouble is that with someDominants.. and i say some as i don't wish to tar them all with the same brush... are just on a power trip.. they find a young girl or guy that is willing to do anything they want as they don't know any better as they have not been taught and guided properly.
In my mind that is when the damage is done
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Yes, but that does not change the fact that we are our own responsibility. .
If it appears my keyboard breathalyser broke please tell me tomorrow; I probably won't believe you now.
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10 Jul 11, 12:38 PM
Xafar
UK(S), 12 yrs
£ 
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gentlemusings wrote:
Doesn't really matter if they are married or not, thats only the preference we have when seeking a partner...
Those preying on the naive, inexperienced and vulnerable have no place here, they are here solely for the purpose of abusing someone... Known predators, should be outed! They are the people that not only disregard the safety of members but give us all bad press...
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if he is married and he has not told you he is married... can you trust anything he does tell you once you discover that he he is...??? and in the context of this thread way to many men use the excuses i have already stated for cheating on partners or blanketing the shagging around they do as poly...
as for known predators... you name and shame you get banned from this site... and they carry on...
Mac
"Me Man Whore... You Jane..."
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10 Jul 11, 12:44 PM
journerotica
UK(GL), 18 mths
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When I was younger, my first experience of BDSM was with someone I already knew who was "dom". Actually he was just pretty abusive and I was very emotionally vulnerable.
I always think these kinds of threads are a little bit pointless. If someone is in a decent place and has half a mind, they're not going to fall for the obvious "do anything bitch" types. If they do get caught up in something it's going to be rather more subtle - in my case it was a complete erosion of any care or respect, slow enough that I didn't realise what was going on. Part of you knows what he's doing isn't right, part of you is so caught up in him you're emotionally powerless to stop it.
People who do fall for the "do anything bitch" types who are immediately dangerous - well they're probably not the ones who are here on IC getting advice and learning about things.
So my theory is if you want to help subs with anything it will be by discussing and raising more complex issues rather than the obvious... the gradual pushing of boundaries that may not be in a sub's real self interest, the erosion of respect and care within a relationship etc. The kind of thing intelligent, researched individuals can still fall foul of. Visit my blog - www.journerotica.com
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10 Jul 11, 12:48 PM
Xafar
UK(S), 12 yrs
£
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Lj_switch wrote:
Xafar wrote:
here comes my input...
first... the OP... the post you made sounds dangerously like one of those "i will protect you..." posts... which bring me very nicely onto the following...
Mac
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Well, thank you Mac, for that kind inference!
Of course, as I organise the Ipswich Munch, every young female there is in serious danger that I will abuse them when they least suspect it. You might like to check with them, and my wife, as to whether this is a likely scenario. Or perhaps I am just being a little too touchy about it, and you will then infer that I am trying to cover my predatorial traits by a double bluff.
FFS I asked a genuine question and I am pleased to see so many helpful and intelligent replies.
I heartily agree with the need for anyone entering the scene to do their own research, and also have a strong degree of self-respect. However, there is a danger in that those of us who ARE self-aware, have self respect and have done their homework assume everyone else has the same capabilities. This is palpably not the case, otherwise I would not have to ask the question, nor would there be well-respected Dom(me)s and subs offering "rescue" services.
I question the ability of everyone to have the capability to take responsibility for their entry into the scene. For many, it is a very complex and scary thing and they simply do not have life experience to cope with it. To dismiss those with a "tough, they're adult" attitude, ducks the problem. Yes, "we" don't exist as a cohesive body, there are no qualifications for being a Dom or sub, I was just interested in people's opinions as to how we could provide a bit more assistance to those just starting out, but without the benefit of kink-aware friends. I do not, frankly, expect a simple answer as to how this could be done, but as mentioned before, as a Munch organiser, I'd like to broaden my knowledge on how this might be done.
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i typed my thoughts on the style of the post made... the words chosen to phrase the argument and not on the person typing them... so yes.. you are being touchy...
i made a statement based on opinion and experience which reflected the post you made... and you wanted a debate... in short... stop complaining... 
Mac
"Me Man Whore... You Jane..."
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10 Jul 11, 12:55 PM
icy_one
11 mths
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This has really struck a chord with me. My Master has allowed me to have a few days to think things over so I am staying with a friend. He has decided to change things in our relationship. He is wanting a slave/owner relationship now. He wants no limits and I'm anxious about this. He has changed so much and I feel lost. People have advised me to just get out but it's not that easy.
He is not willing to compromise on what he wants and has given me 3 days to decide. It's awful as I dread losing him. I really have no idea what to do. The chains that bind my mind are stronger than the chains that bind my body
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10 Jul 11, 1:01 PM
Groovy_Love
10 mths |
Reckon so
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10 Jul 11, 1:04 PM
TheFalconer
UK(S), 6 yrs
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Lj_switch wrote:
How do we educate newbie subs about what is reasonable in a new D/s relationship?
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We can't, no more than we can educate people about what is reasonable in a vanilla relationship. There will always be people who get themselves in to abusive or otherwise ill-advised relationships (be they vanilla or D/s) but who can't seem to see for themselves the problems with the relationship, or who simply tolerate because they don't think they deserve/can get any better.
That said - while a new sub/slave may well agree to do anything their owner requires of them, the wise owner will realise that the sub needs to grow in to their role over time, and only ask for what the sub is able to give (much as you wouldn't ask a newly qualified doctor to do a triple heart bypass operation on their first day on the job). "Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace." - Oscar Wilde
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10 Jul 11, 1:11 PM
gentlemusings
UK(M), 19 mths
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Xafar wrote:
gentlemusings wrote:
Doesn't really matter if they are married or not, thats only the preference we have when seeking a partner...
Those preying on the naive, inexperienced and vulnerable have no place here, they are here solely for the purpose of abusing someone... Known predators, should be outed! They are the people that not only disregard the safety of members but give us all bad press...
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if he is married and he has not told you he is married... can you trust anything he does tell you once you discover that he he is...??? and in the context of this thread way to many men use the excuses i have already stated for cheating on partners or blanketing the shagging around they do as poly...
as for known predators... you name and shame you get banned from this site... and they carry on...
Mac
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I agree you cant trust them, once someone lies once... even over something trivial you know they are liars... end of story, thats not the issue i was trying to point out...
I know name and shaming gets you banned, and thats why its so wrong, by doing that we are shielding them and giving the predators licence to do what they want...
I suspect naming an 'ID' someone goes under will have no bearing on naming and shaming them IN REAL LIFE it would just enable us to protect out community more.... :::::. Most welcome bondage, for thou art a way, i think, to liberty .::::: William Shakespeare
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10 Jul 11, 1:21 PM
Xafar
UK(S), 12 yrs
£
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gentlemusings wrote:
Xafar wrote:
gentlemusings wrote:
Doesn't really matter if they are married or not, thats only the preference we have when seeking a partner...
Those preying on the naive, inexperienced and vulnerable have no place here, they are here solely for the purpose of abusing someone... Known predators, should be outed! They are the people that not only disregard the safety of members but give us all bad press...
|
if he is married and he has not told you he is married... can you trust anything he does tell you once you discover that he he is...??? and in the context of this thread way to many men use the excuses i have already stated for cheating on partners or blanketing the shagging around they do as poly...
as for known predators... you name and shame you get banned from this site... and they carry on...
Mac
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I agree you cant trust them, once someone lies once... even over something trivial you know they are liars... end of story, thats not the issue i was trying to point out...
I know name and shaming gets you banned, and thats why its so wrong, by doing that we are shielding them and giving the predators licence to do what they want...
I suspect naming an 'ID' someone goes under will have no bearing on naming and shaming them IN REAL LIFE it would just enable us to protect out community more....
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go for it then...
and send me a text when you can not log in...
Mac
"Me Man Whore... You Jane..."
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10 Jul 11, 1:22 PM
gentlemusings
UK(M), 19 mths
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icy_one wrote:
This has really struck a chord with me. My Master has allowed me to have a few days to think things over so I am staying with a friend. He has decided to change things in our relationship. He is wanting a slave/owner relationship now. He wants no limits and I'm anxious about this. He has changed so much and I feel lost. People have advised me to just get out but it's not that easy.
He is not willing to compromise on what he wants and has given me 3 days to decide. It's awful as I dread losing him. I really have no idea what to do.
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Go with your gut feeling...
This sounds like a typical ploy...
YOU have to agree to them for them to be imlimented so it's YOUR choice!!
He knows that now you're involved with him it makes your decision harder. if he had offered you this alternative earlier he knows you would have have refused..
So once you are emotionally attached he changes the stakes!
. :::::. Most welcome bondage, for thou art a way, i think, to liberty .::::: William Shakespeare
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