Structuring a relationship... (8)

Not quite understanding all the questions, but for me it is person first, kink second. If they are very experienced in kink and I am convinced that they know what they want, what they like and what their limits really are, then maybe play happens faster, but the person has to come first and often times as a result, play might not happen at all ever and it becomes friends or even a case of "na, that will never work on any level".

The only exception might be where a stranger has abdicated personal responsibility and has allowed someone else who is sane and responsible to be in charge of them and responsible for their wellbeing - kink equivalent of "power of attorney".

I don't see any reason why anything should ever be rushed. Why rush pleasure?

I dont really know how could it be any other way?

Thank you for your reply.

I don't play unless I want to but I do wonder whether people only arrange to meet because they want the play aspect rather than the relationship aspect.

ETA ~ If a stranger abdicated all responsibility to me, straight away... they wouldn't see me for dust!

@The_Coven / @The_Problem_Page, you might give the advice that someone needs. / I want the "Moon on a stick and the Stars suspended from bunting". / So many haystacks, so few needles! / Sorry is a meaningless word unless it is demonstrated, via actions or a change in behaviour, that it is meant.

Edited 9 Jul 11, 11:23 AM by chartreuse

www.thedivinemissp.co.uk

Everybody is different, everybody has different needs and asking such generalised questions is a bit daft. A naturally dominant person can guide the ship easily because this scene is about people. Knowing how people think and knowing how they will react.

When you sit and plan a structure of a relationship, where is the fun, romance and excitement. Have enough confidence in your self to just let it happen. Either it will or won't work.

You see reading this I wonder if your talking about structuring expetation rather than structuring the relationship.

I see nothing wrong with people arranging to meet because they want the play aspect rather than the relationship aspect. The problem arises when one person wants the play aspect and the other the realationship aspect.

It's the major problem with all dating sites (yes I know this is not one but when used to arrange meet ups then it is being used as one) that many use the promise of considering a relationship to indulge their desire for pleasure i.e. sex or play.

Perhaps a clearer structuring of expectation before meet up is called for. Perhaps even a strong statement that play will not be forthcoming on initial meetups and even on subsequent meetups not until or unless you are satisfied that there is the real possibility of a long term relationship developing.

If you don't like what you see, what you read, then just move along. Life is too short to waste it arguing about the little things.
http://www.journey.wingsofspirit.co.uk/index.html - Journey

Now you post a reply in one of my blogs and, seemingly, deliberately misunderstand/misinterpret what is written there, but... I won't hide your comment.

What you've written is absolutely right (even if you have gone off on another tangent) and I'm not daft enough to think otherwise. I said nothing about planning a structure, I was asking about relationship structures, different sorts of relationships but mainly about one where two people meet each other, have an instant chemistry/interest/attraction (this is hypothetical) and decide they want to find out more.

I know where I'll be coming from under those circumstances, it's where the other person is coming from that is more difficult to discern... an attraction doesn't mean you will immediately launch into 24/7 D/s, you have to get to know each other before you know whether you're compatible in that area or any other (attraction doesn't always denote compatibility).

We all have our ponderings and questions, sometimes I am far more certain of things than I am at other times... being a dominant doesn't make you infallible, we're all human and prone to introspection and it may or may not help us understand ourselves better.

I asked for other people's thoughts on what their perception of the expectations of those they meet are... of course, conversation is a great revealer but, not everyone speaks the truth or feels comfortable to express themselves and sometimes their fantasies blur the edges of reality.

I'm not talking about a business and I'm not talking about sitting someone down and discussing a "structure", perhaps it was a poor choice of words but... we all get an impression of the person we're with, perception is all we have to measure them by and how other people perceive me is entirely down to me.

I am honest about what I want, I talk openly with people I meet and I tell them when/if they express a desire for something that doesn't appeal to me.

Yup... fun, romance and fantastic sex, that's what I want but not with everyone I meet/encounter.

So, thank you for your reply but perhaps you could have asked me a question or two rather than telling me things I am already totally aware of.

Oh... and one can only "guide the ship easily" if there are no unknown hazards i.e. under-current, hidden sand-banks and if the fog isn't too thick.

@The_Coven / @The_Problem_Page, you might give the advice that someone needs. / I want the "Moon on a stick and the Stars suspended from bunting". / So many haystacks, so few needles! / Sorry is a meaningless word unless it is demonstrated, via actions or a change in behaviour, that it is meant.

Edited 9 Jul 11, 12:32 PM by chartreuse

@The_Coven / @The_Problem_Page, you might give the advice that someone needs. / I want the "Moon on a stick and the Stars suspended from bunting". / So many haystacks, so few needles! / Sorry is a meaningless word unless it is demonstrated, via actions or a change in behaviour, that it is meant.

@The_Coven / @The_Problem_Page, you might give the advice that someone needs. / I want the "Moon on a stick and the Stars suspended from bunting". / So many haystacks, so few needles! / Sorry is a meaningless word unless it is demonstrated, via actions or a change in behaviour, that it is meant.