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| PhoenixAmber |
on Wed 6 Jul 11, 9:26 PM to PhoenixAmber's blog.
Oh the joy of drop.
Sometimes it is a gaping hole of blackness that sneaks around and wraps you up before you even notice. Other times it feels more like an old friend, still a bit of the blues but an acceptable companion to the highs of play. Today it is a wave, conning me into believing it is strength and power when actually it is simply tapping into a different emotion this time; not the usual insecurity and fear that can paralyses but gripping hold of frustrations and imbalances that it is tempting me to right with its 'truth'.
The 'truth' in drop is of course very subjective, like the truth when drunk, often based in fact but outside of the bigger picture and without inhibitions it may be unwise at best, inappropriate perhaps and dangerous at worst. So today's drop is feeding not on insecurity but the feeling of inequality that comes with things that are out of balance in my situation, those frustrations and battles that we all have at some time in our lives, when everything is not perfectly rosy.
It is pointing out the bindings of responsibility and waving a pair of scissors.
Luckily, perhaps, I'm self aware enough to know what is happening and accept that in 24 hours all of this will look a lot different. The facts that it is based on will still need to be looked at, starting with the inequalities that it attached it's self onto, but it will look no worse than it did yesterday.
For now I sit and marvel at how such a 'nice' girl can be so cold and pretty damn nasty in her head and it never show. Maybe it's because I balance it with equal measures of compassion, empathy and social responsibility.
SO because of that tonight I will sit, like a good girl and let it burn out of my system like caffeine, I will avoid the confrontation which at this moment seems inevitable and wake tomorrow with a new perspective. Who knows I may wish that I had said something but I would rather wish that and not have sad anything than to wish I hadn't and be unable to take it back.
*Groans* don't look now I'm returning to sensible. It's a good thing for everyone else, just feels a bit like repression LOL!
