Posted by Smartarse
on Thu 3 Feb 05, 10:30 AM to Smartarse's blog.
Yesterday I had a very good day and I need to write it down and store it away for future reference, for those times when I feel down about myself.
I needed help to make an important decision, so I turned to the first person I saw, which - because it was half four in the afternoon, a time I had particularly chosen for just that reason - was a woman.
Just any woman. A woman I would hardly have given a second look on any other day.
I strode up to her with my new found confidence and she glanced up and saw me and realised a bigish, not altogether tidy, guy was intent on accosting her. I saw the slight intake of breath and her eyes open a little wider in alarm as she fumbled with her keys and handbag. This is the point in the normal course I inwardly apologise for being who I am. But today I do not. I disarm her with a smile, something that I have always done well and she smiles back and I see her afresh and realise that she is attractive. She lowers her eyes and her head is a little bowed. I ask:
'Do you think its worth me buying a parking ticket at this time of day?'
That went rather well, so I do not feel put off trying it again, so later when I can't find the orange juice I ask the nearest assistant. She is wearing a nylon overall and has a shock of blonde hair that conceals her face.
'Can you tell me where the long life orange juice is, please?'
She looks up, again there is that flicker of alarm and I smile. She pulls the hair away from her face so that I can see it better and she smiles with the most perfect teeth I've seen in a long time. At first she says: no she can't help me. But she doesn't know what I mean by long life orange juice and she takes a moment to think. Normally that would be the end of the conversation but for some reason she feels compelled to help me. 'Oh, you mean the cartons of orange.' And she leads me to the correct aisle and points to the shelf. It is about six feet from where I left my trolley and I feel a little foolish. So at this point she is released from the spell and goes back to what she was doing.
By the time I'm at the check out I'm recovered. The checkout lady is avoiding looking me in the eye. I know that she is aware that I'm around - she's packing up my groceries. But she won't make eye contact despite my attempts to catch her eye. This is a response I've experienced before but never really taken notice of. Perhaps, because I've never wanted to make someone feel uncomfortable and dropped my own eyes to avoid a confrontation, so never pushed it. She hands me the receipt, looking at the receipt. Inwardly, I am laughing at her. She could not conceal my effect on her despite her best efforts.
This is not dominance or being dominant or dominating, this is simple self confidence, some assertiveness, a large frame and some dark clothes. Although I have to admit that the assertive - very intent on what I want - mindset is something I can turn on and off at will at the moment.
I've experienced this before, years ago, after a three day assertiveness training course that was intended to increase my efectiveness as a manager. We did roleplaying and learnt about body language and keeping aggression and passivity in check. We had a wonderful teacher, a natural domme, very strict. By the end of the course I could have done anything, I felt very powerful then. Maybe I had more to learn than most. At the end of the course I asked our teacher if she would like to have a drink in the bar. She agreed, which felt like a huge reward.
But the feeling of power I took away from that course left me very quickly because it hadn't addressed the underlying cause of my lack of confidence - my guilty secret.
It's a wonderful feeling. It feels like somebody gave me the keys to the sweet shop. It's just over a week since I joined IC. I've made some new online friends, I've begun a journey of self discovery, I've learnt a lot of amazing stuff and I've found a way to unlock the real me, the one I've always believed existed but could never have hoped to release.
Not bad for a week.
The bit I like best, is that I'm not taking anything away from anyone. The women that I interacted with yesterday, I would never have normally noticed because they were wearing normal everyday gear and weren't going anywhere special. But when I got near them they were lighting up like the bumpers on a pinball table just because they had a big powerful man standing dangerously close to them.
Tomorrow, normal service may be resumed and I'll go back to being a big disappointment, but for the moment I'm just a walking talking pussy magnet. And I'm luvvin' it.
[edited for layout] [edited again for punctuation and typos]
Edited Sat 30 Dec 06, 7:05 PM by Smartarse
| 3 Feb 05, 3:52 PM MsIsis UK, 10 yrs |
Well done you! and Welcome to IC. XxX In Trust, In Truth | |
| 3 Feb 05, 5:25 PM Smartarse UK(CM), 7 yrs |
Thank you alex_10m |
