Giving up work for Love. (9)

At first I found it rather liberating giving up , it's nice to be able to tell my family the truth about where I work now ( a bar) . It's nice to meet guys in vanilla bars and not have to worry whether to tell them about what I do. It's great to want to start going to fetish clubs/ munches/ online BDSM communities again - because I only ever worked in the week and TBH that's when I got my thrills. My weekends were saved for my family. It's been nice!

However, I am finding it rather difficult to adjust to my new life of 'vanillaness'. I'm missing Not so much the money, but more the status and the excitement that goes along with working. The lifestyle. The variety of work. The feeling of being different and doing something debauched. I really didn't think I'd miss it so much but I am so bored and I'm not sure if I'll even be able to go back in to that whole vanilla lifestyle thing. Peoples' lives seem so dull.

The problem is, I know in many years I have not found love. Don't get me wrong, I've not been short of guys, but no one that I can say I've fallen for. Men have either adored me and have wanted to please me all the time, or they didn't agree with the job. I really want to find my equal and have an intimate loving relationship but I don't know if it can be done whilst working.

So I am kind of after some advice. Do you compromise? Has anyone else given up for this reason. Did it work ? Did you find love whilst working? Any advice much appreciated.

Know exactly how that feels. I did it briefly for a few months, but I've decided to keep doing PD work on the side, as and when it suits me. I have the benefit of a reliable income out of the scene and a career, but also the fun of doing PD work. The money's secondary to be honest, it pays for new equipment, toys and outfits.

Have you thought about doing it alongside your normal work? Or maybe you could just be happy with some kinky friends and a subby or two to play with?

Is that down to the sort of men you are attracted to vs the sort of men that are attracted to you? There are plenty of submissive, switchy and even dominant men who don't mind their partner being a PD. Of course there are some that do mind, but in my experience they are a minority.

In what way? Settle for a man that isn't quite what I want but will accept my PD work? In that case, no. I'll have exactly what (and who) I want, how I want it, thank you

No. I've given up briefly because I'd had enough of the scene full stop and went for a vanilla guy (who was overall OK with PD work but didn't get it at all). Didn't last very long. But you could try it and see how it goes for you.

Yes. More than once! However, not with a client but people on the scene.

“During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act” - George Orwell
"In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different" - Coco Chanel
Please check out @FemDom_Forum too!

I think I am just going to have to see how it goes, and I think that I may return to work at some stage. I really am missing it.

It's nice to know that it is possible to find someone accepting in the vanilla world too. That surprises me. Although I will probably stick to Kinkers.

Many thanks!

There are certainly people out there who would be happy to have a long term relationship with a pro-Domme, as long as they knew from the start. If they found it a turn on as well, and there is no reason why they shouldn't, you could have your cake and eat it. Certainly that would meet your needs more than a vanilla relationship, unless you could corrupt him.

You could even carry on working in the bar a bit as well, both for cover and variety.

Everyone's a winner!

(Apologies for sounding so positive when I am clearly not in your position, but this really does sound like one of those circumstances where having it all is not only possible, but isn't even selfish, because it could so easily meet someone else's needs too.)

Ah....But the kind of guy I am into has to be my equal ..I'm rather headstrong and stubborn...and I need someone who I can't wrap around my little finger. I've never met an attractive vanilla man who'd ever be happy for me to PD.

... Maybe I've just not been looking in the right places though.

Do you have much experience in dating submissive men, or mainly playing with them?

“During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act” - George Orwell
"In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different" - Coco Chanel
Please check out @FemDom_Forum too!

There are plenty of submissive men with strong personalities and interesting views, who also like to be made to do exactly what you want sexually.

They also come in tame and compliant or rebellious and fighty flavours, depending on whether you like resistance. And the rebellious ones aren't necessarily topping from the bottom either. As you well know, the humiliation is sometimes sweeter when the control has been taken rather than given.

Whatever you desire, the people are out there - have faith.

Edited to add - I think that you are right. The combination you are looking for is unlikely to be found in a vanilla man. So why not go for kink? A submissive doesn't need to be a client. Plenty of cute subs out there.

Edited 2 Jul 11, 10:57 AM by Long_way_home

MissKimberley wrote: Submissive men can be equals you know No fun in having a pushover as a boyfriend.

I'm not doubting that someone's sub can be their equal - I switch after all ! I just haven't met one who I haven't been able to get my own way with at least most of the time...however, I realise that that says more about me than it does about them!!

Playing with them mostly in the job . I've dated some wonderful submissive guys, stunning looking , excellent personality I have got on with them really really well - my friends have thought I've been crazy for dumping them but I just can't seem to fall in love with em or get really turned on by them (Unless they have been extremely well endowed). I suppose it's Just the way I am programmed and sex is a very VERY important part of my life. And although not naturally submissive perse, I am rather masochistic in the bedroom... I have no lack of BFs in the past 7 yrs wanting to be tied up and forced to give me oral - However to get my rocks of it needs to be the other way around.

Maybe you'd be best off with a Top or a switchy type rather than a sub? Brutal honesty with yourself and those you're dating helps too

“During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act” - George Orwell
"In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different" - Coco Chanel
Please check out @FemDom_Forum too!

I would think it highly unlikely that a vanilla crossover relationship would work long term, after all your personal likes aren't exactly puritan.

The boredom thing isn't just losing the kink profession, anyone who's been self-employed and run their own business has a special sense of satisfaction that comes from the experience. Working for someone else takes away the drama, but replaces it with sponge.

Fitz.

Escaped from the parallel universe