Non replies OK - but weird semi-replies? (42)

Why some approaches receive no response was discussed in threads here and some of the reasons I had worked out myself.

What I haven't worked out is why so many women (or people presenting themselves as such) open a memo or chat exchange with me and cut suddenly off. It tends to start they say Hi, or something more explicit, I reply and an exchange starts. But they are replying to the messages at a rate of once every 5, 10 or 15 minutes then after a particularly long wait I notice they are no longer logged in. No explanation, answer or further response ever arrives whether I memo them or not.

Was it something I said? I don't think so: often I have hardly said anything yet.

So was it something I didn't say? I've said enough in my profile to start a conversation. Sometimes they haven't. Sometimes they have and it indicates complementary interests. Or their opening lines do.

Were they contacting me in secret and interrupted by partner? They would have re-contacted me later.

They were conducting several chats at once, explaining the slow exchange rate? But they contacted me so presumably wanted to chat, and anyway the same sort of thing happens with the memo system.

They were nervous hesitant women adventuring into the area for the first time, who put a toe in and then took fright? But the number of times I see some of them coming here, not infrequently at the same time as me, doesn't really suggest that either.

And in all these hypotheses, why never a word of explanation?

So it strikes me – have I been naïve again? When you have eliminated all the likely possibilities, as Sherlock Holmes said, whatever remains must be the explanation. These women (?) are not what they seem, do not resemble how they present themselves. Their reasons for being on the site, are not the apparent ones, dubious, maybe even sinister? Of course! - stupid of me, as Sherlock Holmes also said.

Some of you reading this know who you are. (And that I don't pester you).

- Increasingly fragmented attention spans, thanks to a billion different co-existing social streams

- No need to account for near-future availability, thanks to the persistence of connectivity coupled with the fleeting nature of digital conversation (see also: immense flakiness with regards to social engagements)

- Phonecall/eyebrow cramp/act of God/death of a pet/localised apocalypse

Dude, why do it to yourself? Part of embracing the potential of what the ambient intimacy of online platforms can bring to you is developing equanimity over your burn rate. Your conversations will have a much lower conversion rate than in reality (unless you can pull off a successful illusion of generic hotness), and so we end up inevitably asking whyyyyyy? WHHHYYYYYYYY? And it's a question with no answer, but leads just as inevitably to one explanation:

Easy come, easy go. Stings that such an aged cliche still applies in such a supposedly progressive sphere, but then, people is people, and the internet is just people.

I suppose this transitory connecting happens plenty to me, too, but I don't sweat it. I did when I was starting out being an Online Guy, but you adapt to what is a completely different social state, because that's what people do, and the internet is just people.

Club Subversion Crossing the Rubicon FleursduMal bobette's Facebook Beginners Guide to BDSM

Please note: The post above is a textual metaphor representing me waggling my cock in your drink. Please do enjoy the rest of your chosen beverage. Although always remember to drink responsibly.

Looking at my comp, I have 7 windows open at the mo. And messages coming in on fb and on my email.

I generally wouldn't chat much to someone on here, but if I did, it doesn't take much to break me off to something else. I would mean to go back in '5 minutes' and 5 would turn into 10 and 10 would turn into about a week and a half. I do it to friends all the time sadly.

I hate it when people do it to me, and I hate doing it to other people, but many of us sadly lack self-discipline to finish one task before starting the next. At least I recognise that about myself.

I don't think follow up messages are 'pestering'... if you've had a good half-natter with someone, leave it for a little while then send a polite and friendly follow-on message - I doubt anyone you've chatted to would mind that.

Looking at my comp, I have 7 windows open at the mo. And messages coming in on fb and on my email.

I generally wouldn't chat much to someone on here, but if I did, it doesn't take much to break me off to something else. I would mean to go back in '5 minutes' and 5 would turn into 10 and 10 would turn into about a week and a half. I do it to friends all the time sadly.

I hate it when people do it to me, and I hate doing it to other people, but many of us sadly lack self-discipline to finish one task before starting the next. At least I recognise that about myself.

I don't think follow up messages are 'pestering'... if you've had a good half-natter with someone, leave it for a little while then send a polite and friendly follow-on message - I doubt anyone you've chatted to would mind that.

It could be that someone has responded to your first chat message or two, just looked at your profile, decided they don't want to chat and toddled off. As simple as that.

As @PureBlueSoul said earlier, don't sweat it if someone doesn't complete a conversation, it's online and anonymous- embrace it. It may not be a medium you're used to, but it's the nature of the beast.

Just enjoy the successful conversations you do have.

It's the little things Dude, the little things.

If I'm boreded, I sometimes reply to memos I would otherwise ignore. If I then get unboreded eg. someone calls/I need to go out/someone turns up/etc I lose interest in what I was doing and forget about it.

I do it top my friends as well sometimes, coz I just get distracted and forget what I was doing and wander off, then forget to reply for weeks, same happens with texts sometimes "Oh i'll reply to that in a minute..."

xxx

Come over to the dark side: We have Valium

^^ this is very true

if someone interrupts a conversation/doesn't get back to you, it can be for a wide range of reasons:

* they have decided that, after some chatting with you (or looking at your profile/posts) that they aren't interested in pursuing the conversation further

* in your chat, you have said something which (unknowingly or not) has offended or hurt them or otherwise turned them off and they have deliberately ended the conversation

* they were just bored and filling in time with no intention for it to become an ongoing dialogue

* real life got in the way - they had other commitments like work, children, family, partner and had to leave

* they got distracted by something or someone else

* they lost broadband connection/their laptop crashed/other technical issues

If you found the person interesting, for heavens sake don't start whinging about them having stopped the conversation - that's the fastest way to ensure it *won't* start again. Instead, send a personalised memo saying "I enjoyed chatting with you about xxx" (xxx = whatever you were talking about, so that it is a personalised memo and not a generic "nice talking with you" jobbie) and say you would like to chat another time. And then wait and see what happens!

Also, as noted by someone else, expressions like "big bellied" are not particularly flattering and in fact show *you* in an unflattering light! Saying "Like you I am genuinely without preference, prejudice or preclusion as to lady's age, shape, size" is insincere as we *all* have some preferences (otherwise you are suggesting you just want a piece of female meat and don't give a shit about the individual, which is hardly going to endear you to female subs!)

Edited to add point on technical issues!
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There's a somebody I'm longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be, someone to watch over me
I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood, I know I could always be good, to one who'll watch over me (Ella Fitzgerald)

Edited 30 Jun 11, 11:33 AM by Shypeachybottom