Switches?? (40)

It's the wholeness of the person.

I'd heard they werent liked over here - so at a tame party on Sat, I asked a nice guy to 'remember' "I dont give, and am not a Top"

when obviously I am. However for purposes of self fullfilment I am defo submissive - no question, its just not my primary day to day role.

We are people - individuals, and Unique, its OKAY to not be just one facet. Infact it should be bloomin Lovely xx C.

Not a case of motivation. One either is or isn't a switch.

I agree (true for me, in any case)

Edited 22 Jun 11, 12:11 AM by ms_chatelaine

I am a switch and I enjoy the interaction that this provides for me.

Those that say we dont exist or we cannot make up our minds do you say the same of anyone else that is different or that does not conform to the "norm"? Some would say the same about BDSM in general.

This comes to mind about everyone Dom/me, sub, bi, gay, male, female and anyone else I have missed "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" - Dr Seuss

Are we not as individuals all happier being who we are rather than trying to hide ourselves away.

Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.

~The Brightest light casts the darkest shadows.~

My inclinations are Dominant and my inclinations are Submissive.

I do not mean top and or bottom, I mean what I say.

I take pleasure and satisfaction in being someone's Dom just as I do their Sub.

In the only relationship where I've been both to someone the Dom side was primary and the Sub secondary. Put simply this means that 24/7 I was her Dom and when she wished it and I allowed it (which I always did unless if would interfere with the primary dynamic) I acted as her Submissive.

It's quite a thing to truly submit to someone you own, to feel both the lack of control of the submissive but also the pride in your sub for what she can achieve when the tables are turned.

It is again an amazing feeling to be able to take that power back with a word and see that girl now at your feet and no less strong for it.

I think the difficulty you may be coming up against concerns the notion that the submissive is in some way weak or inferior. There is no reason that this should be the case. Indeed what would be the point of taming the weak when you could hold all that strength in your hands.

Theodore Bikel: "All too often arrogance accompanies strength, and we must never assume that justice is on the side of the strong. The use of power must always be accompanied by moral choice."

Edited 22 Jun 11, 2:27 AM by PrinceCaspian

I am what I am.

Well, in one sense , everything is all just play in the end. We go through life, doing what we do and trying to extract s much happiness from the process as possible.

Some people just like to switch, I don't think there has to be any reason for it beyond that is what they do.

We are complicated creatures, us humans and we enjoy and crave activities, relationships and events which give us something rewarding, then we can go and crave the opposite the next minutes, day or week.

Switching is just how it is for some kinky people. It is a valid and accepted part of the kink smorgasbord.

I can see that the OP who really is not a switch may find it hard to put himself into the shoes of those switchy others and just cannot see the attraction. Maybe in one sense neither can I being pretty firmly in the being Dominant camp. However, not getting the attraction of something does not mean we have to judge it, sneer at it, belittle it or anything else. We just accept others, what they do and are happy they are happy ....simple.

The OP from this post appears to feel that truth in a relationship or encounter only comes if you are willing to be that one thing all the time. Being sometimes sub and sometimes Domme (or top/bottom) makes the experience less genuine. Only if your goal is to be one thing all the time, then for you, it would seem odd. For others who have the mindset and desire to explore both, it is the best of all worlds. Both roles and experiences are real and truthful to those people. That is all that matters.

Switchiness is a fascinating subject and one which I have still not fully got to grips with in myself. I consider myself to be dominant. However, I rarely fantasise about being dominant. I fantasise about people in submissive situations but I am not sure if that means my fantasies are from a submissive viewpoint or maybe from a dominant one looking in. Hard to work out sometimes. Anyway, I digress. I have tried playing the sub role and I say playing because it is not a role I could live 24/7 unlike dominance. I can, however, get limited pleasure from some sub play but actually I think even then I am actually trying to control it all, so it is submission lite, a fantasy enactment of little bites of carefully selected pleasure morsels for me. I don't want to please or care what the dominant or should that be facilitator is getting from it. That makes me a 'do me' sub and I wouldn't inflict that on anyone. Basically a bit of tie up and tease and flogging is my nod toward submission and truthfully if it never happened again, I would be happy. I don't need it, it is just nice sometimes.

So, I don't see my selfish little desires as switching as I don't think I can put my heart and soul into it. Getting back to the OP finally, that is most likely the difference. A switch in the proper sense would have their heart and soul in both roles and would get a lot more out of it than I could ever imagine.

Mistress of @paulss

Edited 22 Jun 11, 9:34 AM by Ms_Valentine

I'm a switch and I totally agree with this. I didn't start out as a switch but have evolved into one.

I'm the one your mother warned you about

I don't know... there was definitely motivation in my case. I had no inclination or desire to switch from being sub/bottom until I met James. He was the same way. For us, the 'motivation' to switch was the desire to try to satisfy each other. I'd tried being Top previously and hated it and I don't think it had really even crossed his mind to try, but now we switch with each other constantly and also with other people. I mostly stick to one particular role with others, but there are a couple of people who have topped me in the past that I have since had bottom to me.

@Hellions - Irregular FemDom Nights