Why Kinky Online Dating Fails. (74)

I just don't agree, not in my experience anyway. For me, i think i needed someone who conciously knew they were into control of all/most life aspects so much that they needed to find someone who was into receiving this control that a non-kinky site would have been wasting their time.

I don't know that i'm explaining this well.

What i mean is that if i liked it a bit rough, or i liked a bit of control, then sure, vanilla dating sites have been great... But my actual life partner needs more than to be a bit kinky, or very kinky, kinky kinda has to be their life, cos it's mine.

x

Edited to add the word 'non'

Quick Lynn, run, they're sex people
@Modified_Bodies
@O_and_P

Edited 19 Jun 11, 6:51 PM by mia

Bottoms Up!

I've met people who's kink is central to their life, and I am indeed one of those people as is my partner. Who I met on OKC, we're very much 24/7 O+P/IE focused.

You're not getting me. Those people aren't *just* on kinky dating sites.

The culture and emphasis is different. It actually makes it easier.

Let's televise and broadcast the raping of kings.

Edited 19 Jun 11, 7:00 PM by Elysium

Fair dos. I've been on OKCupid too and just didn't find the right person. I met mine at a munch, which i found out about through a kink website, IC to be more precise.

I know of people who met their other halves, and quarters, and eighths, etc, here and it does work and can work and if i go on my experience and theirs, then using a place specifically for the type of relationship and/or sex you want to have, seems a better chance than using one not aimed at it.

x

Quick Lynn, run, they're sex people
@Modified_Bodies
@O_and_P

I'm not advocating an abandonment of kinky dating sites. Also, I understand my point is counter intuitive. However, for the reasons outlined in the OP, my point is a good and valid one.

Let's televise and broadcast the raping of kings.

Why would that be mutually exclusive?

Um.. We would probably end up like very dear friends.

This is an interesting POV. Cause for me, the absolute opposite applies. I need to totally like, love, trust and adore the person, and from that, the kink will follow. YMMVT

"Class is the impartial, consistent display of emotional integrity."

Edited 19 Jun 11, 7:20 PM by othyim

I'm sure it can and has worked for many (putting subtle signs in your profile etc has been mentioned)- but I really don't feel comfortable with the idea.

I know that I'm going to have to be honest about my D/s feelings at some point. It has to be far enough into the relationship that I can talk frankly about those sorts of 'interests', but not so far in that the other person has gotten to like me enough that I'm going to cause her hurt by ending things.

There are only a tiny minority of people who are seriously interested and especially when seeking a dominant woman. Thus the chances of meeting someone compatible in a vanilla environment are very small- so small that I'd probably have to meet scores of them before I came across one who responded positively to the idea of her being dominant in a relationship.

And that's a lot of embarrassing confessions for me to make, and a lot of hurt women, before I meet someone suitable. The basic premise just seems counter-intuitive to me, really- and a bit selfish and cruel, even.

A few months ago I was introduced to a really lovely vanilla woman at a party- her friend told me afterwards that she was 'mad keen' to meet up with me again, and so I did. The woman had seemed to be a strong character, which has always appealed to me, and she had a reputation for being 'bossy', so I wondered if she might have some sort of unrealised or latent potential to be dominant.

Anyway, we had coffee one afternoon, and spoke a few times on the phone, and went on to set up a second date. But I started feeling guilty about not telling her what I really needed, and so before the second date went ahead, I talked to her more openly about the sort of relationship I was interested in, and that confession got a negative response.

Her reaction told me that even though we'd only spoken perhaps half a dozen times, and met twice, she was still hurt and disappointed at finding out that someone she liked and who seemed interested in her had turned out to be unsuitable.

In taking this approach, I'd also had to take the risk of 'outing' myself to someone who knew a member of my family and could have caused embarrassment galore if she'd been the malicious type; but luckily I judged her character correctly in that respect.

So no, vanilla sites are not for me. Looking for a partner in the vanilla world is too problematic, and risks wasting lots of time and causing hurt to numerous people.

Only if you feel like you need to hide it from the outset.

I'm pretty clear about my kinkiness on nilla dating profiles. I'm not interested in people that aren't compatible, after all. Why waste both of our time?

I'm pretty much the same in real life. It's easier and kinder for all involved to be tactful but direct.

Let's televise and broadcast the raping of kings.

Yep , it drives me nuts too , chicken or egg, egg or chicken ; I've even thrown out the chicken (or was it the egg ?) and concentrated on the egg, but to no avail , it all comes back to the original question "Why can't it be possible to find a rounded relationship with kink as an element from square one ?"

Actually, I don't think I've got the answer 100%

Fitz.

Escaped from the parallel universe