Posted by Smartarse
on Tue 1 Feb 05, 5:59 PM to Smartarse's blog.
Let me introduce you to my Internal Dom. ID, (as I call him), is my parents, my teachers and every other person who's dominated me, rolled into one. ID is the voice inside my head that picks me up on every mistake I ever make.
So I'm on to the council.
Me: Can you take away my washing machine, my dishwasher and my tumble dryer?
Council lady: Everything goes wrong at once eh?
Me: Well no, its a bit of a funny story actually. It all started way back in...
Council lady: Tumble dryer.
Me: ......Er yeah.... I won't bore you with the details.
ID: Dick head.
Council lady: I'll put you through to my colleague. She'll take your credit card details.
Burr....
Council lady: My colleague's not at her desk, can I get her to call you back?
Me: Yeah, okay. [click]
ID:No-ooooooooh! You derr-brain. Now you're stuck tied to the phone while the council bints having a tea break. You twat!
Later. Much later.
Ring ring.
Me:Yes.
Council lady2: You want to have a washing machine taken away?
Me:Yes, and a dishwasher and a tumble dryer.
Council lady2: Everything goes wrong at once, eh?
ID: Careful...
Me: Yeah, right.
Credit card details taken later...
Council lady2: These items are outside are they?
Me: No. I can't lift a washing machine down a flight of steps on my own.
Council lady2: Our operatives can't come on to your premises, we're not insured.
Me: Its just by the front door. All they have to do is step inside and pick it up.
Council lady2: Our operatives can't come on to your premises, we're not insured.
Me: I don't see why...
Council lady2 (one octave higher): Our operatives can't come on to your premises, we're not insured.
Repeat until council lady is no longer audible to the human ear.
Me: All right then. (sigh)
ID: Berk! But well done for actually doing something about the f###ing washing machine thats been sitting in the hall for longer than the guarantee on the new one.
So its good bye washing machine. What will I drop my car keys on now? Where will I leave the Betterwear catalogue and the Kleenezee between them plopping through my letter box and the bloke not bothering to pick them up? Maybe I should keep it after all.
| 1 Feb 05, 6:30 PM mrs_whipkick UK(CB), 8 yrs  |
send them over to me afterwards and they can pick up a fridge as well,
ever thought of buying a hall table? smiles
| ||
| 1 Feb 05, 6:49 PM Smartarse UK(CM), 7 yrs |
Ooo-no. Ooo-no,no! Me: I want you to pick up some stuff. Council Lady: Is it a fridge? So there's some kind of magic about fridges. They are the appliances of the devil and have to be disposed of with long cabalistic rituals. I do have 3 'slots' left for any other junk I need to dispose of. (Oh, must remember to move my car off the drive that day.) I've got a hall table. Its in the kitchen. But if I move it, what can I put my ironing on?
alex_10m | ||
| 1 Feb 05, 7:09 PM mrs_whipkick UK(CB), 8 yrs |
the floor, the ironing board, the possibilties are endless | ||
| 1 Feb 05, 10:12 PM mrs_whipkick UK(CB), 8 yrs |
err if you find someone to do yours send them my way to do mine for me, god i hate ironing, maybe thats why i don't do it very often |
