Sub drop - is it worth it? (54)

It is entirely possible that I interpret this wrong, or that it just is an odd choice or words, but to me, personally, this would be a HUGE red flag.

Also, in a recent blog http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/306530/0#... you adressed this same problem before:

I really dont see why... as I take it the other sub is *aware* of your existence and *consents* with the situation? Also, the attitude on dealing with a sub that is having subdrop, of the few people I personally know that are actually poly and open about that, would be quite different.

That would be inconsistent and inconsequent behaviour to me. It would also show that he is in fact NOT in control of his own emotions/reactions. Which would make me question his ability to *control* other people. For me, these treats would highly undermine my ability to trust a Dom.

I genuinely feel, that not the sub-drop in itself, but other issues are the key here.

Perhaps you should think about this: "Dont make anyone a priority in your life, that only sees you as an option".

"Class is the impartial, consistent display of emotional integrity."

Edited 15 Jun 11, 8:55 AM by othyim

It comes with the territory.

To make an analogy. Getting tattooed hurts, but the end result is (should be) worth it. It doesn't hurt 'that' much, or people would only have one!

Similarly with endorphin highs, and the resultant drop. We all make value judgements, and choose accordingly.

You have to ask yourself. Is it worth it? If the answers Yes! Welcome to our world.

Owner of The Croppery Dungeon and Breakfast. Organises The St Leonards munch.

If l drop hard then yes l am irrational, yes l make mountain out of mole-hills, l withdraw from the person who l believe is responsible to the point of being seriously weird, but l also keep busy, see family talk to friends as like period pains its going to pass... Until next time and like periods there is no stopping it happening when you play hard...

If a dom wants to play hard then he should also be prepared to take responsibility for the emotional fall out.

just as a side bar and it is a personal opinion not knowing all parties but as your dom is poly and assuming his other sub knows about you then phoning for reassurance shouldn't be a problem if my dom had played with another and she was coming down then l would like to think that l am a good enough person to also help her too as l would like to think that if poly a friendship would develop between all parties concerned...

Don't make them a priority, when they only make you an option...

So after a super high, we must come down to earth again!

For me, the highs are very well worth it indeed...I love my subspace times, I love playing, I love the connection, the peace, the joy. I LIKE feeling good, and playing makes me feel great! I'm not so fond of the drop, but have learned how to look after myself. As I don't have a partner, I have developed a group of friends who will support me when I'm dropping badly enough to need a bit of a boost, as I do for them when they need it. And I will NOT play with anyone who isn't capable and happy to give aftercare.

Protein. Helps loads! I'll have a thick, juicy steak, or nice gloopy cheese or something.

Chocolate. Yep, it's a temporary high, but it does actually contain chemicals that make us feel good, so if it can help to get us over that little hump of subdrop, then why not? That little high is easier to come down off of.

Cuddles. Friends, the dog, the horse. If the person doing the evils isn't available for real life cuddles, find someone who is!

Gentle exercise. Yes, staying curled up in bed might feel like the only option, but actually going and doing something can help not only distract us, but generate a low endorphin or adrenaline hit which is then easier to come down from.

Regular contact with the person I've played with. As I said above, if they are not going to give me the support and help afterwards, then they don't deserve to have the fun! Distance may mean they can't be there in person, but if they can't be there on the phone/text/email/etc either, then they are not worth it!

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new (A. Einstein)
To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. ~Confucius

The problem is that if, as in this case, the couple can't be together when this occurs, then, from the D's perspective, you can't provide the care you would want to that makes for frustration and I can quite see why he Ight be concerned enough to suggest that this intensity of play is not appropriate.

My goal - to save women from nature (Dior)
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99

I am not making value judgements or saying anyone is doing anything wrong, just observations from years and years of often hard playing from a different perspective.

I have played a great deal and am very keen on hard CP as well as some other painful play. I am also a Professional Domme and so have seen many male subs in this capacity over the years.

Rarely am I asked to give anything more than very basic follow up 'care' to my subs. Some have told me they feel a bit blue after playing but most have never mentioned sub drop or have played up the positive aspects of playing, saying they feel good for weeks after.

So, why is it that mainly female subs in personal relationships, albeit often not living together, report such a large amount of bad sub drop, whereas male subs in a pro-context are happy bunnies after?

Is it that in a relationship where emotional connections are high on the agenda that other aspects of the relationship make sub drop more likely?

Is it more females suffer from sub drop than males? Or do they just express that emotion more?

Do my male subs feel less prone to anxiety about the relationship I have with them? They know I will always be there for them and will deliver what I have promised, even if it is within certain boundaries not applicable with personal relationships. They know I see other subs but this does not make them jealous, so they seem to be happy knowing their place within the scheme of things and make the most of the experience without too much emotional torment. I know some will alas 'fall in love' with Mistress and put themselves through more pain than I could ever wish upon them but others quietly love me and find a way of accepting that and being happy with what I can give.

Anyway, I don't know the answers but find it intriguing where differences like this exist.

Mistress of @paulss

Edited 15 Jun 11, 11:17 AM by Ms_Valentine

I would do almost anything for someone who I know loves me, but 'loves me' equals 'be there' in a relationship.

Different things work for different people, so I'm only expressing how I feel about the matter, based on my experiences in the past.

It is worth every second though, as someone said earlier, the highs she takes me to are more than worth it.

But I guess each to their own, some people will drop harder than others, so for me it's about knowing enough about yourself to make sure you have some 'coping' mechanism in place.