Would you marry a pro-Domme? (96)

I have a feeling that for some men, this question would be directed straight from the eyes to the typing fingers (via the decision making centre in the penis, of course), without giving it a thought.

In fact, many subs would answer this in the affirmative, and add the word 'duhh?!?' onto any reply they might make.

And to many it might seem like a no-brainer. Your potential new relationship partner probably loves getting her kink on, she is deliciously experienced and knowledgable in all things BDSM, and of course she's very safety conscious and trustworthy too (in terms of play at least).

She's employed (of course), and probably has her own dungeon already kitted out and ready to flog your eager little arse off. I mean; what's not to like?

Well, a few months ago I was making plans to start dating a woman who had been a pro-Domme a few years previously, and was considering taking up the flogger again, as a means of generating finance by doing something that she was good at, and enjoyed. The idea was that she would 'see' a small number of selected clients on a semi-regular basis.

I didn't see a problem with it, and it didn't put me off the idea of a relationship very much at all- she was monogamous sexually, and had never directly touched her clients in the 'critical' places; so I had no real fears that she might one day leap in top of one of them, sh$g them senseless, and begin a torrid affair.

But I did worry, if only very slightly. Even to the most liberal bloke, it's not all that comfortable a thought that your gf is spending a couple of hours a day, a couple of times a week, involved in what are highly intimate, intense and erotic physical interactions with a variety of different men. And that she sees the same guys periodically, too.

And the other slight unease was about whether, after spending all day beating guys (which must be a fairly exhausting activity, right?), she'd be too tired to be interested in expressing her D/s nature with me. I wondered if she might have used up all of her 'enthusiasm' and energy for BDSM, and would no longer be very interested in those sorts of interactions with me.

As I said, in my case I was happy to proceed and begin seeing each other despite my very slight unease, because she ticked every other box I had (except, as it turned out, the one labelled 'honesty'- but that's another issue anyway).

And to be honest I'm guessing this is largely a 'fantasy'-type question, because I would imagine there aren't that many people directly affected or involved in making such a decision.

But I do wonder how other submissive men would view this sort of relationship proposition as a hypothetical question; and how couples have managed long term relationships when one partner is a BDSM 'professional', or works in the sex industry, say?

Apologies in advance as I'll be in and out for most of the day and not able to reply much, but I hope you won't let that stop you giving your thoughts

Edited Sat 11 Jun 11, 12:15 PM by JustTony

But I woulnd't marry anyone without being in love.

"Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak. " — Sun Tzu

Talk to me on the phone and see our friendship develop .

He made it clear he had no reason to worry about me as I had chosen to be with him and saw no reason why i might be more tempted into infidelity than any one else.

So, it really was down to love, respect and trust. He feels all these things for me in huge quantities and therefore feels safe and has no reason for jealousy.

He wants me to be happy and as I enjoy being a PD, he wishes for me to continue doing what I love.

I think it would wrong to suggest that PDs (as a group) could not be trusted around the men we see. That would imply we have lower moral standards than others and cannot be trusted by virtue of what we do. We may have more opportunity than some women but that doesn't mean we are 'bitches on heat' and have to screw every man we see.

If it is a jealousy issue then of course, it is just the age old story that some men distrust women, may want to control them and always believe they are prone to temptation and /or promiscuity.

Mistress of @paulss

Edited 11 Jun 11, 12:35 PM by Ms_Valentine

The post doesn't quite read as bad as the title.. but you have totally forgotten to acknowledge professional people are here too. And not asked about the issues they face. It feels disrespectful.

Re the question. Yes I would. But only if I loved her. Same as anyone else. Unfortunately I am already married. I married my wife, not her job.

Pro Dommes: I wonder what issues you face when partnering? And do you encounter as much prejudice as the internet would have us believe?

I want to insert some sort of religious quote about judging others, but I'm fourth+ generation filthy heathen and judging the OP right back.

De

PS. FYI: I was marching yesterday so I feel kinda assertive and powerful today (and of course am ready to be cut right down within minutes of posting, I love a good debate!).

PPS. I recommend marching for your rights as therapy, as well as politically necessary :D :P But it does nothing for ones inner gobshite so I edited my post down with hindsight to make it a little kinder.. cos I'm nice really.

Vote to repeal the kinky porn ban! http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/282427/
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Edited 11 Jun 11, 12:37 PM by Degenerate

I'm not sure what sort of acknowledgement you feel is appropriate for me to make to the professionals here?

I can assure you that I certainly do respect them- enough to take one as a long term relationship partner in fact. As I said in the post.

Re asking about the issues they face- the second bit of my question was (I thought) aimed at couples, and the last time I checked, the word couple included both partners in the relationship. So I sort of did ask, really.

If you are going to raise issues about the way I ask my question, and tell me that I should have asked other questions too (and I'm free to ask whatever questions I like, anyway; that's kind of the point of these forums)- then I can't help feeling it would be helpful to at least make sure you read my post carefully enough not to miss the fact that I've actually asked the question you say I should have asked.

We do plan to get married when my divorce eventually comes through but in any case we have been living together for more than four years.

I have no problems with Mistress being a Pro-Domme. As a former client I know exactly what boundaries exist. I love and trust Her. Without love and trust what sort of relationship could exist in any relationship?

curious about most things

I would worry much more about that.

I made no such suggestion, and I meant no such suggestion to even be implied. If that is the way the thing reads, I apologise.

Pro-dommes can and do sometimes form romantic relationships with clients. They are human beings, and are subject to the temptation of possible romantic attractions at work, as are the rest of us. But I would never suggest that they are more likely than anyone else to give in to such temptations.

In my case I did trust her, as evidenced by the fact that I was ready to go ahead with a relationship. And that is not something I do lightly.

I should perhaps make it clearer that the fact that she as an individual turned out to be dishonest is not in any way a reflection on how I view BDSM professionals as whole.

Phew- is that enough disclaimers?