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| penwiggle |
It's sad, I know.
But I found myself today, craving pain so much that I'm even longing for a cluster headache. The one pain in the world I fear. The one pain I don't want, I would take so that at least I would get something.
Even my clusters of late have mocked me by being fairly mild. Well, mild relative for clusters. They sort of have a scale of their own. May 15th was my last batch of kick arse scary clusters. 19 days of moderate calm, who knows, might be due some hell.
Yeah, I do know, I'm fucked up. But, what is a girl to do when the only sadist in her life is a malfunctioning hypothalamus that randomly generates neuro-vasular dilations that generate excruciating cranial pain.
Pen
| 4 Jun 11, 9:03 PM cheekyandtrouble UK(SL), 2 yrs      |
If you are that means I am too when I crave for pain. Its horrible, I mean its horrible all you think about in your mind is PAIN, PAIN and PAIN. I even think I blogged about it myself. Hope you get your feed soon and be more human.
"There are no gains without pains" ~Benjamin Franklin | ||
| 4 Jun 11, 9:14 PM penwiggle UK(CB), 5 yrs  |
Yes, I know what you mean. It's not that bad at the moment. I left the scene, and the lifestyle, early last year because I became so addicted to pain it would really affect me if I didn't get it every couple of weeks. So even though I haven't played for months, it's not really 'bothering' me as such. It's just on my mind today. I watched a bit of porn earlier, and going to watch some more tonight I think. So am horny, wound up, and craving carnal things. My body wants pleasure, and pain, more than I can give it. Right now it is on the edge of my conscious mind, floating in and out, teasing me. I can even distract myself from it, for a bit. But my mind keeps coming back to it. I think tonight, a bit of porn, maybe some vodka, perhaps needles. I know, not what some would call a good combination, perhaps not what some call a safe combination. Sorry about that. Guess they're not my mum. But it will get me where I need to be. You say Ouch like it's a bad word. | ||
| 4 Jun 11, 9:20 PM Persia_Porsche UK(EH), 3 yrs |
^^ Best of luck with that, hope it does the trick. I know that in the past, when I've been in a similar situation, I've at least managed to utilise that craving and desire and have enjoyed some of the best fantasies I've ever had as a result. Maybe worth a try? I'm loud and I'm vulgar, and I wear the pants in the house because somebody's got to, but I am not a monster. I'm not. | ||
| 4 Jun 11, 9:24 PM MisterBear UK(WA), 8 yrs  |
It's taken me about 5 years but my cravings are mostly under control. So in 2016 you should be okish. Can you tell I'm bored and have nothing better to do with my life? | ||
| 4 Jun 11, 10:18 PM Endorfiend UK, 21 mths |
Try this repeatedly.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsKO_r76kfQ is excruciating... they even used this at Guatanamo Bay... it's pain .....but for me hard limit!
What do you want from me? | ||
| 4 Jun 11, 10:28 PM penwiggle UK(CB), 5 yrs |
OH DEAR GOD!!!!!! NO NO NO YOU EVIL BITCH!!!! Definitely a hard limit for me too. You say Ouch like it's a bad word. |
