a Perspective on switching (30)

With life and the scene, (and in anything people do for that matter), there is always a tendancy to categorise so that is breaks things down into set areas that are easier fo rthe mind to digest and understand, so that we can move on and not have it quiz our subconcious.

With the scene, part of this is D/s. You are Dominant and so must be strong in various areas of your life, showing control in your actions, the things you do, your personality, and so on. It can seem bad or strange therefore to show any submissive qualities such as handing over control to someone else, not being stable in being able to support, not being able to make the clear cut decisions that have to be made (these are examples, not a definitive list), and so forth.

You are submissive, therefore you like some decisions to be made for you, you relinquish control in some way, you can be strong and confident, in order to support yourself and your Dom/me, but aim to serve others. Again, it can be therefore strange for you to show any tendancies that are dominant such as answering back in a disrespectful way, taking control and making decions that you had agreed normally be made for you, (again all examples not definitive or generalisations).

People are not built straight forward though, and the human psyche isn't black and white. We have temperments; different traits if you will. We adapt different ways of acting and doing things in order to achieve things, maybe to manipulate others (in good and bad ways) whether it be getting your team to achieve its goals, or bending Daddy's ear to get you the dress/mobile phone (whatever) that you want.

In the same way, we identify with different characteristics within the scene. Some who are managers in their jobs, love to be able to push that aside and be submissive. Others may settle for a straight forward 9-5 job, but be very domininat in their D/s dynamic, or it could be vice versa in these cases wherte the domininat is a manager, and the sub follows the directive of their manager.

You can see there is cross over here though, and that is kind of what it is like for this category we refer to as switches, not only that it shows that we cannot be totally dominant or submissive as there has to be empathy and undertsnading for the dynamic to flow. Let me use an analagy, I like ice cream, I like chocolate flavour, but that doesn't mean I cant like strawberry, but you could say they fall under the same umberalla, so I like sweet things, doesn't mean I can't like savoury.

For me it isn't about being switch, its about just being me. I like the command I have at work, I like the delegation, i also like that I can visualise my manager's goal, and serve to achieve it. I like the control relinquished to me by a submissive, and the things I have potential to do with it, but I also enjoy being on the other side of that sometimes, it's how I feel at the time.

I can see where the issues lie with some; those who polarise to one part of the spectrum or another. It is to do with the problems that can arise such as topping from the bottom, switching in a scene, wanting to be the same role as the partner at the same time (just to name a few). Now a switch may never come to fully experience what it is like to be a full on salve or submissive, as they still have that desire to take back the control, and need that in their life, or even like having it. This is fair enough, and i suppose is a true statement, doesn't mean that we can't expereince it, just means we experience it in a different way, as do each and everyone of us.

I feel this though is generated by not being able to draw a definitive line in order to categories, to digest it and understand. Or is that its hard for some to empathise what it is like to have the feelings and enjoyment of both traits that makes them want to push us aside (for want of a better term here).

It seems like these are derrived from what society deems in and out the norm in a way; it can't be fully categorised or understood, ergo it isn't normal to be at both ends of what we deem to a staright forward polaristation of traits.

Some only like the chocolate ice cream, or only like the savoury things, I don't say to them, you are so missing out, as it is THEIR way and how they feel, and I am happy in my way, and happy that they are comfortable in who they are. They may come to like other things at a later stage in their life as and when they need it, or it may never change.

Be happy with who you are, and respect others for who they are too. Understand that some enjoy being sub/slave, and have no urge to delve into dominance, and some are dominant and may never delve into submission, as both enjoy who they they are, and will experience things the other will not. In the same way, switches enjoy a mix of both / or one or the other at different times, and will expereince things both Dom/me and sub won't, but will also miss out too.

I hope this has opened up at least a few new ideas for those who struggle with switches, or who struggle being switch. The first step is accepting and being happy, and going against the label of it being a bad thing, and thus going against what society deems in and out of the norm. thanks for reading (that isn't a generalisation as I have many friends who enjoy my switchiness, and i enjoy their dominance or submission, and know there are many out there that do the same)

Edited to add:

can you relate to any of what I said, or offer an alternative perspective on how you perceive switches, deal with being a switch, or being happy with just who you are rather than trying to fit into a category ?

Edited Wed 1 Jun 11, 10:44 PM by Olokun

Sorry, what was the question again ?

" When I am King, you will be first against the wall. "

Yeah

Sissy by name & sissy by nature
He [or she] , who is afraid to pick up the dice will never throw a six .
I am one of the few who lives what's called .....the Lowlife

You know, I can't help feeling that we're not really doing this thread justice. Do you think he was expecting more from us in terms of responses ?

" When I am King, you will be first against the wall. "

You know, I can't help feeling that we're not really doing this thread justice.

Do you think he was expecting more from us in terms of responses ?

Sissy by name & sissy by nature
He [or she] , who is afraid to pick up the dice will never throw a six .
I am one of the few who lives what's called .....the Lowlife

I'm a bad, bad boy, and I'm going to steal your love.
b-b-b-b-bad to the bone! I make a rich woman beg, and a poor woman steal, An old woman blush, and a young girl squeal!

Woah. There seems to be an echo in here. Freaky.

I'll read the damn thing again, and have another crack at it.

" When I am King, you will be first against the wall. "

Mind you, it took years of hard work, before I found myself in this position.

Of course it helps when you have a wonderful Girlfriend/Partner, as I have in @Hellenes.

Owner of The Croppery Dungeon and Breakfast. Organises The St Leonards munch.

I like ice cream.

Does that help ?

" When I am King, you will be first against the wall. "

D

-----------------spidery-scrawl-----------------

I am not "happy" with who I am because I am not finished, not complete, my life is still a work in progress. To be an to have an hold sooo much more. I want (if this is the half way point) the second half to be much better than the first, after all this is where I put all the lessons learnt and experinces gained in part 1 into action in part 2, hopefully !?!

The best is yet to come ! is the Cry

(btw I'm not unhappy wit my life at this point, hence the "happy" quotes)

"Yeah I like Kinky stuff,dirty dark pervy stuff,weird sex.... An' Yerself ?"
Award Winning Switch.