A question about your first time..... (35)

I agree, however, being a bit of a thrill seeker myself I know the appeal I also know it is such relationships that are prone to 'crash & burn'

* my bold

I am not sure I concur - I have played with novice Doms and find their slow build can be rapturously frustrating - it can be a way of the asserting their burgeoning dominance - especially if they are testing what works for them too - to be the foil for their own experiemntal investigations of their craft can be perfectly exquaisite, after all, many an experienced Dom has slowed the pace in order to 'tame' me and curb my penchant for willfull behaviour - just because a person has less practical experience it does not limit their capacity for inventiveness or his ability to explore - also, newer Doms can be much more adventurous that those with more experience, in my experience, those who have been on the scene for a while tend to 'know what they like & like what they know', which can be even more of a bore!

I agree, and, in this, as much as a person may be experienced with techniques and know one end of the cane from the other, we are both newbies when we start a new relationship!

Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge, where is the knowledge we have lost in information? T S Eliot

Amaranth wrote: I'll certainly be keeping an eye on this thread

Me too...in particular how do other 'more experienced subs' manage to educate their 'newbie Dom/mes' without topping from the bottom and therefore buggering up or not accessing their own subbie headspace (which is after all an important ingredient in the dynamic).

So I'm thinking: 1) discuss possibilities & technique/safety demo's outside of a scene then pray enough of it made sense that during a scene verbal/non verbal communication are enough to maintain the 'mood'? 2) sub dies of boredom 3) my inner switch comes out to play in a 'here let me show you' kinda way

"a sub shares things with her master she can barely admit to herself"

PushMyLimits wrote: 3) my inner switch comes out to play in a 'here let me show you' kinda way

I'm expecting this imminently lol.

I think so far I've been lucky; J seems to know enough to know what he wants to achieve and it's been tons of fun with him just jumping in the deep end. Mostly 'cause the deep end for him is kinda middling for me lol. I am aware, however, that we're going to have to talk some things through soon as we delve beyond what we know we both want. Which, really, is quite a small drop in a large ocean, all things considered.

I guess it's all about having those talks when it feels right and, for me, also unlikely we'll play any time soon as discussing it right before a scene tends to take the edge off for me.

Good things come in small packages... And poison comes in little bottles.

If you're with someone who is less experienced than you then if he's naturally dominant then I don't think that matters - it should all just flow and he's in charge anyway so he does what h e wants although it always feels much better if someone isn't asking me what to do and knows.

hheheheheheeh naughty naughty lady, you make me giggle

Do you have to be the ice queen intellectual or the slut whore? Isn't there some way to be both? - Susan Saranden

First time I got my boyfriend to tie me up I was in my mid teens, it was good. Then a grown up relationship, tied up, gently teased and then the intensity increasing until I had big bruises and welts, delicious.... Nothing ever matches that first visit to sub space, and leads to an overwhelming desire to do it again and again.

Communicate, communicate communicate, if you are heading 24/7 it is constantly evolving.

Do you have to be the ice queen intellectual or the slut whore? Isn't there some way to be both? - Susan Saranden

He backed off, nervous about actually hurting me and me changing my mind. He also found it hard work because even though I am the submissive of us, I tended to demand a lot...wanting things to move too fast for him because I felt I was ready.

The we tried again...and I did the same again (Doh!)

Now we are trying yet again after I learnt to chill out and relax. So far, so good.

So I agree with a lot of what's been said...the most important thing is to go slow...take your time and things will develop naturally ( I hope anyway...)

We are going at his speed and I am submitting to him...for real.

"Everything you do in life is insignificant, but it's important that you do it" - Dr Who
My blog: http://wifeinlove.wordpress.com/

i'm a sub to a new dom and i have had to teach him things like how to stop the whip from splaying, really hurt when it splayed and about rope bondage because he couldn't really tie very well but beyond that it is him learning about me and me about him like in any other relastonship.

He needs to learn my boundaries, my punishments and what i enjoy same as i need to learn that about him, i'm going to take him to his first s&m party soon, hope he enjoys it.

i'm enjoying it though, it is a fun journey we are undertaking together

I'd like to hear how many marks out of ten @Cobra1 gives for his first time...

Princess Katherine the Duchess of Dalston.