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| penwiggle |
It can be a tad frustrating at times, being a post-op trans woman.
At least I find it so.
Others seem to be more successful at it in some respects, at least in the 'frustration' department.
I'm finding that I am very readily accepted in the office, the home, the market place, the pub, the club... everywhere in fact except the one place I'd like to find acceptance - the bedroom. Even my vibrator let me down recently, which is just sad beyond words.
The irony of the situation is that I altered my body so that I could fit into society and be the person on the outside that I was on the inside. And now that I am that person, "whole, one and complete", I struggle to find someone to share my life with because many people who were born "whole one and complete" only want to be with people who were born "whole one and complete". Sorry, the world just isn't that bloody fucking perfect! Or at least I'm not. Well, I am now.
Or, apparently not.
So, OK, such is my life. I'm kinky and I'm post-op TS, so my pool of possible partners is going to be pretty small. Hard luck. Damn luck comes into play when during the transition process my hypothalamus gets fucked up and now I get to live with Cluster Headaches the rest of my life. Cluster Headaches: something only 1-2% of the population have, no one really understands, they don't have an effective treatment for, any documentation you read on them describe them as the most severe pain known to man, and they are also called suicide headaches, with good cause.
No, I'm not having a good week this week, to answer your question.
And yes, this blog has made me feel better. (but just a little)
Pen
| 14 May 11, 11:53 PM jenevieve UK(CH), 4 yrs |
Big Hugs Pen, hope the headaches settle soon, its no easier finding a partner when the pool is alledgedly larger.
Edited 14 May 11, 11:54 PM by jenevieve | ||
| 15 May 11, 3:10 AM penwiggle UK(CB), 5 yrs  |
It's 3am. Thanks Jen, and that's a very valid point. I know, I like to moan a lot. Easy to bitch when you can point your finger and blame the world for your problems and grief. Also, thanks for the memos guys, xx. The demon woke me up about a half hour ago - demon, shorthand for cluster headache. Just waiting for the last of the side affects of subside so I can go back to sleep, and the throbbing to stop. Fifth one tonight. Third time this week. Kinda redefines one's perception of pain after awhile. Sometimes makes sadists seem like little kids with toys floggers and floppy rubber canes for all the "pain" they can induce. lol Pen You say Ouch like it's a bad word. | ||
| 15 May 11, 10:21 AM Drew_Heller UK(LS), 4 yrs  |
Shit - how awful 
I'd never actually heard of cluster headaches until a few weeks ago when someone explained what they were (I'm a total wuss with headaches so I'm typing this practically wincing!!) Massive hugs from me *hugs* D.
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| 15 May 11, 12:41 PM penwiggle UK(CB), 5 yrs |
Thanks Drew, Not many people have heard of them. I hadn't, and I've had headaches and migraines all my life. I've only had clusters for about 5 years. Only. Thanks for the hugs. Much appreciated. xx You say Ouch like it's a bad word. | ||
| 15 May 11, 11:47 PM GazUK1963 UK(B), 6 yrs |
Hugs Gary xxx. Everyone who lives dies, but not everyone who dies has truly lived. | ||
| 16 May 11, 1:47 PM Shypeachybottom UK, 20 mths |
This may be a totally stupid question... but is there anything you could do to 'improve' your perception of the pain, for example with hypnotism or accupuncture or NLP? Just thinking that if you could trick your mind into perceiving the pain from cluster headaches differently (as less severe or less intense or less diffuse), that may make it less bad even though it wouldn't cure them. I have no idea if it would work, but I kind of think it ought to be possible to work on it from the mental angle, and from having read your previous blogs about how much you are suffering from the cluster headaches, it may be something worth trying just 'cause you don't have much to lose by trying. Good luck! There's a somebody i'm longing to see, i hope that he turns out to be, someone to watch over me | ||
| 16 May 11, 6:20 PM penwiggle UK(CB), 5 yrs |
Not a stupid question, and some interesting ideas. Hadn't thought about hypnotism, for one. Acupuncture is on my list to try. NLP? Needle play works sometimes as it diverges the pain. But, I have to be in control of myself enough to do it, which is rare. Thank you. Xxx You say Ouch like it's a bad word. |
