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| 5 May 11, 10:25 PM starry_sub 14 mths |
I am same as u witchy wench! I can be very angry and quite horrible/aggressive if not in "the mood" and find it very hard to get into that space to be able to take it in the way i should.
I think best way for me is to get it out of my system, have my tantrum or hissy fit, and then he does what he was going to do. Regardless of my thoughts. But i think if you take a deep breath, remove yourself from it and actually look at it, you compose yourself. And are then able to bring yourself down, to get into the space. Sometimes..
Edited 5 May 11, 10:45 PM by starry_sub | ||
| 5 May 11, 10:33 PM Witchy_Wench UK, 4 yrs  |
Eclipso, I'm afraid you are missing my point. I want advice to getting back into the headspace, not a diatribe on why I shouldn't be in the headspace all the time. This is coming from me without any prompting from my Dom. I am in, as I said, a 24/7 dynamic, which is what we both want. Sometimes, yes, life gets in the way, but I was hoping for suggestions of ways that subs use to put themselves back into the submissive mindset or things that Doms do to help their subs get back there when required. I don't misbehave - my actions are just misinterpreted. Sane ego te vocavi. forsitan capedictum tuum desit | ||
| 6 May 11, 2:36 AM SubWhisperer UK, 5 yrs  |
Witchy – one thing you could try is a simple signal hold. It's something your Dom will need to initiate when he sees you mentaly struggling – but it's also up to you to recognise it and accept it – and to submit to its intent. A handfull of hair at the nape of the neck usually works for me – but anything will do as long as the signal is clear Ever wondered who the devil comes to for ideas ? | ||
| 6 May 11, 2:55 AM PeterPan1972 UK, 8 yrs |
I don't think there is a simple flick the switch solution. From what you have said it seems that life got in the way and your mind is otherwise engaged. What I would try is to sit down, breath calmly and recall a very positive situation in your d/s scenario. You know, good memories. The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going, at 66,000 miles an hour, around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be. | ||
| 6 May 11, 7:55 AM Adwhored UK(BN), 10 yrs  |
Some good ideas already. A small physical or verbal reminder can become a switch but that takes work to develop from both of you. Also a quiet moment to breathe, so grounding yourself. I think it's listening to yourself. Work out what's going on as for whatever reason, you're not in that here and now, adult space. Work out how old you feel, sounds odd but often you can feel young and rebellious right then. It's ok to be tired, it's what you do when you ate in the dynamic you have chosen. Sometimes just saying I'm finding this really hard but I want to please so... Then whatever you need to say/ do can work. Simple honesty, not sure where my head is will you help me please. Talk about it before and look at a strategy with him. Then at the moment look at you, properly. Not just I'm tired, really look and listen and feel. Once you realise what it is, the pattern etc you'll have an answer. What you said was key. Sometimes. It's not every time you're tired, it's not every time you're stressed so you're the key factor in that moment? so what IS happening right then, answer that and talk about it and you'll find a way through. Debs "Woman in her greatest perfection was made to serve and obey man." John Knox | ||
| 6 May 11, 8:35 AM ladybabe2 UK(SK), 6 yrs |
Go get a shower/bath pamper yourself until relaxed then prepare yourself for your dom by putting on something he likes or something that makes you feel submissive.
If your not relaxed then how can you possibly find your head-space... Don't make them a priority, when they only make you an option... | ||
| 6 May 11, 9:02 AM valleyrose17 UK(BS), 2 yrs |
Just be yourself and if that means getting punished - well enjoy that too or if not grin and bear it. I was in an intense relationship last year and ended up losing part of who I was - he didnt respect me for it and I didnt respect me for it.
remember this stuff is for enjoying not for beating yourself up - you have *him* for that | ||
| 6 May 11, 10:42 AM SirOpenSource UK(E), 6 yrs    |
When trying be of help in matters such as this it is often useful to read the OP's profile which I did and you state that you are 'A very confident and Dominant person in life generally'. This is a part of you that cannot be deleted but as I'm sure your Dominant is aware should be controlled and is where your conflict with the self arises. It often amuses me how well Freuds ego states theory can be related to and used in such situations. I will not do all the work for you but suggest you study it a little and I would be interested to hear if you can apply it and its success. SOS The Titter group - for when you don't feel too serious. | ||
| 6 May 11, 3:50 PM Elysium UK(EH), 5 yrs |
Do you mean Berne's TA theory of ego states? It's based on psychoanalysis, but it's not strictly freudian. Let's televise and broadcast the raping of kings. | ||
| 6 May 11, 4:34 PM Adwhored UK(BN), 10 yrs |
No he means Freuds. I'm a Transactional Analyist and use Ego States hence I asked how old she feels, what happens etc. Versus doing a session lol! Deb "Woman in her greatest perfection was made to serve and obey man." John Knox |
