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Ideas for introducing D/s into our relationship? (34)

This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.

5 May 11, 10:48 PM
londonplaything
UK(SW), 5 yrs

Beat it into them!

................bitie bitie...................

5 May 11, 10:57 PM
emenac
UK(WV), 11 yrs

Buy a CB6000, lock it on your cock n balls and then present her with the the keys.

5 May 11, 11:02 PM
Gemman
UK(CB), 5 yrs

I once told a partner to always wear stockings and never tights, next thing I know she is even wearing them to work with no further instruction from me, and other things went from there. The down side was she then went of with another bloke two years later, I sow the seed some other lucky sod tastes the fruit.

5 May 11, 11:09 PM
MasterRonnie
UK(WC), 2 yrs

Ask for your routine tasks to be prioritized to her preferences. Ask her for chores that would serve her needs. Ask her to inspect your work and give feedback. Ask how you could make it up to her if her feedback isn't positive. Always thank her for giving you attention. Walk slightly behind her so she can naturally lead you but not so far that she can't see or hear you. Ask for a deferential name to call her by.

6 May 11, 2:01 AM
houseproudest
UK(SE), 4 yrs

sounds like you and your partner work really well together and the best possible ideas are going to come from talking to each other and being patient

slanted and enchanted

6 May 11, 4:16 AM
rednaked
US, 13 mths

You could start your day by calling her and asking her permission to dress a certain way....or where you could eat. Maybe you forget to call first thing and she gives you a punishment you have to endure the rest of the day. Ask her what she would like to control of your day....its scary to open the conversation...but if you are asking here...surely she has thought or researched some as well... if she hasnt ask her to research some on her own...plenty of resource for D/s out there.

Your next visit could be with you being her slave for the weekend....even if just at a minimal level that you are comfortable with.

Hope you enjoy as much as we have!!

9 May 11, 7:17 AM
aziraphale
UK(EH), 5 yrs

MissP wrote:
How about starting with something that needs doing anyway, and isn't sexual, like housework?

She sets you a task, and gives exact requirements as to how and to what standard it should be done - and of course checks afterwards. With small pre-agreed punishments for sloppy work and rewards for being thorough.

I was open about my submission from the first date. And she tells me after 7 years that the only time she felt really bewildered was when I asked her not to return any sexual pleasure I gave her for at least a month.

I found it hard to get her to give orders at the beginning and there was no chance she would agree to a reward or punishment scheme.

However, my partner had very high standards and would not give in if I volunteered to di the work. So the punishment was there indirectly in her complaining or asking to repeat the work. So I started getting in there first, eating dinner a little bit quicker tondo the dishes,...

It also helps to get into a mindset of what can I do next for her at any point where you have time available. Things she would request me to do I would sometimes let slip so that she would learn if she asks for something it does get done. She will start asking for things she would never have dared to ask in the past.

Whatever she asks for now, I will considerbhownit can be done better for her and will offer to make these adjustments every time.

9 May 11, 7:37 AM
aziraphale
UK(EH), 5 yrs

tylerdidit wrote:
the underwear thing could probably work if she lived closer. I didn't consider it when I was posting, but I forgot to mention we're in a relatively long distance relationship.

Is there anything we can do that's sort of routine but won't involve us being close all the time?

As pse my previous post, I think it is a bad idea to start with regulated rules. It tends to alienate a non dominant women. I started texting her a short romantic few lines every morning. Once she was use to this, I let it slip a few days and she brought it up in conversation . So I showed her how requesting something can get it.

I also learned what made her self conscious and complimented her in a way that she would learn that whatever ahe felt insecure about would not matter for me.

Last but not least I asked her to budget myself, discuss what money I had to spend over the week and left my debut cars with her. She initially refused in any way that would retrict my spending. So I listed the money I really needed. If she gave me more, I'd spend it on gifts for her. Luckily she is not greedy though

9 May 11, 7:50 AM
carry_on_screaming
UK, 20 mths

I got the opposite problem..how do you tell or bring it up in conversation to a possibly very nice 'normal/vanilla' guy that you're a sub and are into bdsm/d/s and want a dominant man...nightmare when you are just starting to get to know them and also quite like them but don't want to freak them out and have them run away!! lol . I know I can 'do' vanilla but, well after a while it will not be enough and I already know that..hmmm *ponders*

9 May 11, 9:00 AM
Ariane
8 yrs

tylerdidit wrote:
Ideas for introducing D/s into our relationship?

So, last night I finally managed to pluck up the courage to tell my girlfriend that I'm a sub boy that I need to be dominated in some way - albeit in a more rambling, nervous kinda way, 'cause I had no idea how she would react.

Thing is, she has zero confidence in herself. I haven't pushed her to be my Domme or anything like that, and I'm honestly perfectly happy with taking things at her pace, but she seems willing to take things at baby steps, such as starting off with a really simple D/s dynamic where she can take a little bit more control.

Only thing is, neither of us can really think of much that isn't related to sex (we both have our own personal issues with intimacy, so we don't do anything sexual at the moment). So far I and another kink inclined friend have come up with stuff like her generally being more bossy and telling me to do stuff, and of course punishing me when I don't or if I don't perform well enough (she seems to be perfectly happy with spanking me if she's bored (; ). Except that we didn't really know what things she could ask me to do that could set the ball rolling, and neither does she, because she can't tell what she's comfortable with until she's tried it.

Anyway, the point is: I was hoping that you, the good people of IC, would be able to help us out a little and suggest simple things that someone as shy and lacking in self confidence as her can cope with.

Invite her to order you to do simple things, like putting in the DVD or getting her a cuppa. Things that any friend might do for another, only building a dynamic where it is always you doing it for her. It can catch on all too easily.

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