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| northern_light |
In most D/s relationships there will be elements of a submissive's life which the Dominant has no control over or does not wish to have any control over. What happens when something comes along, something huge, something that will have a huge impact on the submissives life that cannot be controlled but will also ultimately impact on the relationship. What happens when you feel like the control has gone, that the control you do have feels insignificant in comparison? Things which have always been an important part of the relationship dynamic seem to have faded in importance to the Dominant because they feel that control has been lost because of the happenings. Do you fight to regain the control you still have and want which is still also wanted by the submissive or do you let go and remain friends?
| 16 Apr 11, 11:35 PM anncat UK(ST), 7 yrs  |
I think it depends on whether the submissive is prepared to go that extra mile. I had a similar experience... similar but reversed. I was slave to my Master who got very ill for quite a long time (almost a year). I made the decision that this would not impact on our D/s life, and became more submissive (if that were possible) so he didn't have to work so hard to be Dominant. I made sure the balance was maintained ~ and then when he was well and could pick himself back up, the relationship was intact ready to proceed ... I felt the relationship was worth keeping. I wish you well and hope it works out for you both Annx but it was not your fault but mine and it was your heart on the line I really fucked it up this time | |
| 16 Apr 11, 11:41 PM northern_light UK, 7 yrs |
Thank you. "Absinthe is the aphrodisiac of the self. The green fairy who lives in the Absinthe wants your soul." ~Dracula by Bram Stoker | |
| 17 Apr 11, 1:26 AM Malbon UK(LS), 8 yrs |
For me control of a submissive is to some extent a shared illusion, which can be vulnerable to the cold water of real-life events. It is all too easy to assume a dynamic is broken, when in fact it has just had a bit of a nasty knock and can be repaired. I would suggest you try not to worry too much over something you never had, ie the ability to control such events affecting the submissive's life experience, and focus instead on what you really do have between you. Sometimes a short break from each other is beneficial when this sort of thing happens, to get a little detachment and re-establish things. Hope it goes well for you both.
'Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?' - Harry M. Warner, 1927 | |
| 17 Apr 11, 7:32 AM Shypeachybottom UK, 20 mths |
^^ Agree with this. Obviously it depends on what your D/s relationship is like, but any relationship evolves with time, with the stuff that real life throws at you. I would focus on the things that drew you to each other, and not put too much pressure on each other. And if for a period, one of the partners needs to do "more" (whatever more is) so as to let the other do "less", then so be it (if it is the submissive, then she is doing it to please her Dom so that can't be bad, and if it is the Dom he is asserting control - in other words it can work in your dynamic whatever it is). Hope this makes some sense. But as @Malbon said, don't assume something is broken just 'cause it has had a knock from real life, just view this as a challenge to be overcome, a way of redefining and stretching your relationship. There's a somebody i'm longing to see, i hope that he turns out to be, someone to watch over me | |
| 17 Apr 11, 9:18 AM Jons_Amaranth UK(WS), 11 yrs |
Along time ago (2003) I had a serious accident that left me incapacitated for months. I could no longer do anything for him or the children who were still at school then. The relationship changed considerably for a long time. I was in constant pain, and totally useless, he had to sort out everything and could not control the major issues I was having. You have to be patient, talk lots, make plans for the future and support each other as best you can. You also change the way you do things. I was unable to bath or shower for about 8 weeks due to copious amounts of plaster. He had to wash me and we used that as a bit of fun, be a good girl and let daddy wash you etc. All relationships ebb and flow, just ensure you find little ways of reminding yourself of your dynamic.
Edited 17 Apr 11, 9:19 AM by Jons_Amaranth | |
| 17 Apr 11, 9:26 PM northern_light UK, 7 yrs |
Thank you all for your replies. The events in question will be permanent. I am however feeling more positive today and will take each day as it comes. "Absinthe is the aphrodisiac of the self. The green fairy who lives in the Absinthe wants your soul." ~Dracula by Bram Stoker |
