Bratting, Attention and Being Good (31)

Uh-oh! I think I might just come under the heading of having too much self worth!

Seriously - I really don't think it is about having too much self worth or thinking too highly of myself. It's more knowing myself and knowing that being in a relationship with a man who neither appreciates nor wants that side of my personality is damaging and pointless.

It's also about the what the Dom wants too. Some Doms actively appreciate that side of my personality. They active enjoyment of my snarkiness, without a need to punish me for it makes them ideal for me.

Come to the darkside - we have cookies...

Oh yes, I so love that look. When he's trying desperately not to laugh at what I've said/done and to respond in a Domly fashion!

I brat - but that has nothing to do with insecurity or an inflated sense of self-worth. I am a confident person and I don't need anything from anyone to validate me. I live in a 24/7 dynamic and that means that sometimes we're in higher protocol and sometimes less so. Sometimes I just need to feel owned a bit more and bratting is the sign to my Dom - something that he recognises and responds to. At first he would ignore my bratting but that didn't work for me at all as my brain interpreted it as weakness on his part for not putting me back in my place so that really didn't work for me.

I guess it's horses for courses and understanding each other's needs and the way we each operate.

Sane ego te vocavi. forsitan capedictum tuum desit

I recognise i do it sometimes, if bratting is the term. I can be annoying, i don't do as i'm told straight away, or say overly cheeky statements like "Why, who's going to make me?" if given an instruction. It's sometimes even if given an instruction i'd actually like to follow.

I don't know why i do it. I can't think of a conscious reason and it's certainly something we both dislike about me.

But i've been thinking about this today, whilst lying in the park with all the toddlers playing football with their parents nearby. In some ways, the relationship i'm in, and i'd wager a few other (but not all, so don't be all OMGICANTBELIEVEYOUSAIDIMTHIS) D/s type relationships, kind of works in making me more and more dependant, rather like the opposite of bringing up children.

With children, they need lots doing for them, then they need lots of help doing things, then they need permission for things, until the time comes that the parent trusts the child (who may now be an adult, legally) to make their own decisions, perhaps with some guidance. Now i wouldn't say i'm on some road to needing things doing for me, especially heading towards being a baby - but there is an opposite 'training' type thing going on, having taken me from independent capable adult to dependent, needy adult (little girl, accepted). So in terms of age, if i can compare, it feels like i'm heading towards early teen years - i have some independence - but there is an awful lot i have to ask for and have to ask permission for.

So this perhaps, fits in with 'bratting'. Children brat because they want to push boundries and to them, it may seemingly work sometimes ('BUTIDONTWANNAGOTOBEDYET' and ever increasing bedtimes), but teenagers 'brat' because they're in this limbo of dependence/independence and it really doesn't seem fair that one day you have permission to stay out til 11, but on another night you're not allowed out at all (there are always reasons, but they're never fair, are they?).

So, it seemed odd to me, that the deeper in i am, the more like this i seem to get, or certainly the frequency of brat-like behaviour i demonstrate, when really i thought i'd be MORE submissive; MORE well behaved. However, perhaps this is an almost certain by-product of the process? Either way, as unsightly and annoying as it is in children and teenagers, i do recognise it's something equally as (or more) distasteful in a grown woman - so it's something i need to work on.

It's great reading other's views and experiences of this.

x

Quick Lynn, run, they're sex people
@Modified_Bodies
@O_and_P

I also think domninants need to think about how they are and what works for the couple as a whole and not just them.

I think that I don't do it that often, but equally I do like to be a challenge at times, because I need to know that my Man is stronger than me. I am a confident adult, and, quite frankly, some dominants I have met I could chew up and spit out, so to speak. I'm sure everyone has a match, its just about meeting the right person. Plus, it turns me on when He does demonstrate who is in charge .

It's all about power. If I feel uncertain, I test who is in charge. I love that He has all the power, but if I feel I have too much, I do something tog et that balance redressed.

I don't like the term bratty either, it implies a level of foreplanning which I never do, I may act up to get attention but I wouldn't be bratty just for the sake of it.

And yes, a look, or a change in tone of voice from Mistress is usually all it takes to remind me of my place.

I think any change in dynamic - whether it's a relationship dynamic or a change within yourself - is going to provoke negative behaviour as a response to dealing with it, and will continue until you're happy & settled in the knowledge that this 'new' path is actually quite safe. Even if it's the path we wanted to be on *anyway*, the change from what we know to what we don't usually provokes a very primal instinct to get back to what is familiar. (I know it's not *exactly* the same thing, but the same can often be seen during psychotherapy; the patient will often be reluctant to make positive changes to their lives, not because they don't *want* a better, happier life, but because the 'old' life - depressing though it might be - is familiar and therefore 'safe' to them.)

Basically, a shift in who you are is bound to bring about feelings of insecurity and uncertainty, whether you're an adolescent growing up or a submissive growing 'down', so to speak. The fundamental emotions are the same - there is a shift in your dependence levels, and your behaviour is a reaction to that shift.

For the record, I'm also with the 'it's not really brattiness' clan - cheek & humour is a large part of my relationship, which simply wouldn't work the way it does if it wasn't so much fun to be in. However, I am rarely 'bratty' (though apparently I am far cheekier when I'm horny - something I'd not even noticed until he pointed it out!). Bratty to me is when I am pouty, sulky, moody... when things aren't going my way & I'm grumpy about it. That rarely happens. However, being playful is a common occurrence, and is appreciated by himself as one of my lovely qualities (the sulky grumpy pouting, far less so).

Oops; that's a bit of an essay. TL;DR: Any change in who we are (particularly where dependence is involved, either gaining or losing it) is bound to provoke the reaction of needing to test our boundaries. I don't think it's remotely 'bratty', rather a completely natural reaction to an ongoing internal commitment on both your parts to being a D/s couple. DISCLAIMER: This doesn't mean he can't 'punish' you for said 'brattiness', though. That's half the fun.

.

This sums up perfectly how I feel about why I push my boundaries on occasion.

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"Oh bother" said the Borg; "We've assimilated Pooh."

This!!!

But now I have my Domme head on, I do LOVE the thought of having a nice bratty girl to invest some quality time in between me and Him

I have an idea that the brat would be tamed quite quickly..

*smooches*
Angry_Pixie x
"Her" from off of R3TRObution play munch and @B_D_S_M play parties

Agreed. Bratting is awesome. :D

Froufrou - kinky hand-made tutus.

HC

'Above, it isn't bright. Below, it isn't dark.'

Edited 23 Apr 11, 4:57 AM by HarmCandy