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| Adverse_Camber |
on Sat 2 Apr 11, 5:52 PM to Adverse_Camber's blog.
that it would hurt this much. We've been preparing ourselves for this for ages, counting down the days, marking it on the calendar as if putting it in black and white would take away the sting.
3 weeks to go, 3 days...and then suddenly yesterday it was 3 hours. And I engrossed myself in work, muttering about deadlines...I couldn't bear looking at you, knowing I soon wouldn't be able to.
The first time you left was alright...I knew you'd return within less than 7 minutes...you always forget something. And yes, there you were. I saw you off again, then worked and worked, anything to distract me from you. So I was distant when you called...busy, I'm busy, I'm running out of time...
But today...today my throat is tight with a lump I can't swallow...I am aching with emptiness, your silence echoing and bouncing off the walls that I suddenly hate again without you here.
And how I wish I could have yesterday back...I would hold you so tight you'd think your ribs were going to break...I would hurt you until your world tilted and then love you back to life...
I would look at you and look at you and look at you...the precious planes of your sharp cheekbones...the way your hands connect to your wrists with a gracefulness that belongs in a ballet...the way you have of always being there...always...and yet never getting in the way.
This feels unbearable...I know it will get easier, I know a new routine will establish itself until that becomes the norm, I know 6 months will pass.
But today...today this world without you feels endless.
| 2 Apr 11, 6:38 PM penwiggle UK(CB), 5 yrs  |
Beautifully written, and my heart goes out to you. xx Pen You say Ouch like it's a bad word. | ||
| 2 Apr 11, 6:48 PM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs |
Thanks Pen...I know I am being pathetic, but just right now I can't help that. I hope you are well x "I see the shooting stars falling through your trembling hands..." | ||
| 2 Apr 11, 7:13 PM angelbrat UK(SM), 3 yrs |
I cant pretend that i know or have felt your pain...but my heart goes out to you..i hope that time gives you peace and that the hurt will not be as vivid. Good luck AB If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? | ||
| 2 Apr 11, 8:04 PM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs |
Thank you AB...I have not lost him forever, I will get through 6 months...he will be back and we will see each other for little sections of time inbetween. He's just been with me all the time for the last 8 months...and I have become rather partial to having him around. He has spoilt me, made me forget how to be alone. Today has reminded me though how fleeting time is, and how it seems to be human nature to wish you had made more of the time you did have. When I was a teenager, someone said to me "Make the most of this moment because you will never have it again." But at 14, you think that moments are infinite, don't you? Now, today, I finally understand. "I see the shooting stars falling through your trembling hands..." | ||
| 2 Apr 11, 8:28 PM MissP UK(EN), 8 yrs |
I don't know the reason behind his 6 months absence. I know it's shitty cuz I started my 6 months on Tuesday  The only advice I can give is: see friends more, do something to improve yourself and you environment. Indulge and pamper yourself if you set challenges and meet them. Try something new. It is lonely and isolating, and an awful shock to the system, with a rollercoaster of emotions. Just ride it. Red wine is your friend! | ||
| 2 Apr 11, 8:43 PM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs |
Aw...I hope your 6 months passes quickly too X
Yes, I need to catch up with a few people; and I will have to pick up on all the housework and DIY which he had taken total responsibility for...I think 6 months is a lil long to leave the dishes unwashed! Dunno bout the red wine tho...vodka was my friend last night, but I was a lil less enthusiastic about it when I woke this morn! I think riding the rollercoaster is a very good idea...ty. "I see the shooting stars falling through your trembling hands..." | ||
| 2 Apr 11, 9:10 PM Grownup_Frankie UK, 4 yrs |
ARE you? Are you alone now? Is it a matter of time and distance? Is it only a matter of time and distance? Pretend he is in the next room, and its only been five minutes... Don't clock watch, dont count the days, don't stop feeling his presence beside you. Thats my advice. And its free! *Grinz*
"Yet I rejoice in the great harm done me, for this reason only, that I am more mine being yours, than were I mine." - Michelangelo | ||
| 2 Apr 11, 9:24 PM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs |
It's weird you should say that, I was wandering around all lost today and I kept thinking I could feel him in the next room, but when I opened the door...he still wasn't there. Like a mother cat when her kittens are first taken away, have you seen that? Then when he called this eve, I acted exactly like his mother! "Don't be out too late, drive safely, make sure you eat properly..." Heh, at least I didn't ask him if he had his cardi with him in case it got too cold...
I guess if there are Daddy Doms, there's no reason I shouldn't be a Mummy Domme... Thanks for your free advice, you give the kind that makes me feel all happy and warm. x "I see the shooting stars falling through your trembling hands..." | ||
| 2 Apr 11, 9:33 PM sub_chick UK(SN), 3 yrs |
Sending hugs your way xx No-one can go back and make a brand new start but anyone can start from now, and make a brand new ending | ||
| 2 Apr 11, 9:43 PM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs |
Thank you lovely. I like your new name! May be up your way in a couple weeks, will memo you closer to time. Take care x "I see the shooting stars falling through your trembling hands..." |
And I have started painting again, so I will be able to keep my nights busy, which will be the longest, I think.