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Threats of being outed (51)

This post is on the BDSM Activism web board.

2 Apr 11, 1:54 AM
Plein_Soleil
UK(NP), 2 yrs
River_Deep wrote:
Threats of being outed

I am being threatened by someone who are angling that they are going to out me to my new employers.

I am currently taking steps to protect myself, and also deal with this, but wondered if anyone had any advice of how to deal with this with someone knowing so much about you?

I felt physically sick when I read this . This is exactly why I don't put photos of me up . Don't tell your employers anything . Remove all photos . Delete all posts relating to Thailand . Deny everything if approached by employers and blame it on an embittered ex boyfriend .

I really admire people who are "out and proud" . But they tend to be people who are always on social security , or they are so financially secure that they will never have to work again or they have a niche employer where it doesn't matter .

From what you say the culprit seems to have cooled off . I'm sure it will work out OK .

Another thing . When playing the only photos taken are on my bloody camera . Selfish and hypocritical but there we are .

" Yeah . Well I love my cigar but I take it out once in a while " Groucho Marx

2 Apr 11, 1:58 AM
Lady_Lancashire
23 mths
£
If I wasn't out to friends, neighbours, family and the local police I wouldn't have gone full time as a PD. Ex hubby tried shocking the neighbours last year and was chased back down their drive. He received a visit from the police regarding harrassment (there have to be three instances of such) but police areas vary and some are reluctant to get involved. It happened at a time when they were looking into something else for me so my contact with them was already ongoing.

The Red Rose Whispers Of Passion (J o'B R)

2 Apr 11, 10:16 AM
Badg1Vo
UK(B), 6 yrs
Adrenochrome wrote:
Have I missed something?
Empress_Martine wrote:
Adrenochrome wrote:
Empress_Martine wrote:
The only problem I can see is if you work with children and need to have a CRB.This person could create problems for you, if that is your line of work.

I don't see how being in the 'lifestyle' is a problem when it comes to working with children. Such an attitude is akin to a gay couple not being allowed to adopt.

Vanilla people f*ck, does that mean they're a danger to kids? Why should someone into the lifestyle be any more of a threat? A CRB should not come into question.

This section of the thread has been dropped on security grounds. Its no longer relevent.

I suspect the only thing you have missed is that E_M thinks people will believe "dropped on security grounds" more than "got caught out posting erroneous 'facts', again, so had to edit the posting".

I think people will believe the latter rather than the former.

I'm sorry to hear of the threat made to the OP, am glad it has (at least for now) been resolved, and hope that on such an important topic posters might want to check their facts before posting, which has been requested here as "As a general point, it would helpful to check facts before making all these definitive statements about important issues."

So, @Empress_Martine, what "security grounds"?.

Edited 2 Apr 11, 10:39 AM by Badg1Vo

2 Apr 11, 9:21 PM
Empress_Martine
UK(HA), 2 yrs
£


Badg1Vo wrote:
Adrenochrome wrote:
Have I missed something?
Empress_Martine wrote:
Adrenochrome wrote:
Empress_Martine wrote:
The only problem I can see is if you work with children and need to have a CRB.This person could create problems for you, if that is your line of work.

I don't see how being in the 'lifestyle' is a problem when it comes to working with children. Such an attitude is akin to a gay couple not being allowed to adopt.

Vanilla people f*ck, does that mean they're a danger to kids? Why should someone into the lifestyle be any more of a threat? A CRB should not come into question.

This section of the thread has been dropped on security grounds. Its no longer relevent.

I suspect the only thing you have missed is that E_M thinks people will believe "dropped on security grounds" more than "got caught out posting erroneous 'facts', again, so had to edit the posting".

I think people will believe the latter rather than the former.

I'm sorry to hear of the threat made to the OP, am glad it has (at least for now) been resolved, and hope that on such an important topic posters might want to check their facts before posting, which has been requested here as "As a general point, it would helpful to check facts before making all these definitive statements about important issues."

So, @Empress_Martine, what "security grounds"?.

That is not for you to know and the matter was dealt with and closed,its a sensative matter and can not be diccused im threads.

http://empressm7.uboot.com/ http://www.socialkink.com/empressmartine Vampire, pro/lifestyle ts dom and switch. Age play mummy/aunty/AB ,medical play,domestic, energy and outdoor specialist. "Beyond the government,above the police .

2 Apr 11, 9:37 PM
Badg1Vo
UK(B), 6 yrs
Empress_Martine wrote:
Badg1Vo wrote:
Adrenochrome wrote:
Have I missed something?
Empress_Martine wrote:
Adrenochrome wrote:
Empress_Martine wrote:
The only problem I can see is if you work with children and need to have a CRB.This person could create problems for you, if that is your line of work.

I don't see how being in the 'lifestyle' is a problem when it comes to working with children. Such an attitude is akin to a gay couple not being allowed to adopt.

Vanilla people f*ck, does that mean they're a danger to kids? Why should someone into the lifestyle be any more of a threat? A CRB should not come into question.

This section of the thread has been dropped on security grounds. Its no longer relevent.

I suspect the only thing you have missed is that E_M thinks people will believe "dropped on security grounds" more than "got caught out posting erroneous 'facts', again, so had to edit the posting".

I think people will believe the latter rather than the former.

I'm sorry to hear of the threat made to the OP, am glad it has (at least for now) been resolved, and hope that on such an important topic posters might want to check their facts before posting, which has been requested here as "As a general point, it would helpful to check facts before making all these definitive statements about important issues."

So, @Empress_Martine, what "security grounds"?.

That is not for you to know and the matter was dealt with and closed,its a sensative matter and can not be diccused im threads.

Ohhh! A variant on "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" ...... how original.

Hint: If it was really "on security grounds", or that "sensative" <sic>, then the appropriate way to deal with it is not to higlight how sensitive it is, or that it is related to security, rather than drawing attention to it.

That way it doesn't get "diccused im threads".

2 Apr 11, 10:21 PM
SinPar
US, 12 yrs
:: waits for the flounce ::

-- The weak are the most treacherous of us all. They come to the strong and drain them. They are bottomless. They are insatiable. They are always parched and always bitter. They are everyone's concern, and like vampires they suck our life's blood. (Bette Davis)

2 Apr 11, 10:23 PM
reacher
UK, 17 mths
River_Deep wrote:
Threats of being outed

I am being threatened by someone who are angling that they are going to out me to my new employers.

I am currently taking steps to protect myself, and also deal with this, but wondered if anyone had any advice of how to deal with this with someone knowing so much about you?

Not sure why your employer would care unless you were working with vulnerable people and even then it would be tough for them to sack you because of it

3 Apr 11, 2:55 AM
Littleboots
UK(B), 6 yrs

Montedom wrote:
Hi

Speaking as one who is ex Police and also I worked with Pete Fahy (Greater Manchester Chief Constable) many moons ago.

Also a former sub of mine was pretty much in the same boat! ..... and the below worked very well for her

Contact your local Police, speak to CID. Today the service is aware of all facets of life. 'Stalking' and similar activity like 'blackmail' have become offences which the Po0lice need to be seen to be dealing with.

Having said that an understanding officer may need to be 'briefed' on the lifestyle, but I have found they will deal diplomaticaly yet firmly with such people and a very firm 'shot across the bow' usually does the trick ....

I can't tell you what to do but I wish you well and please do not be a victim ... yes the Old bill are conservative by nature but they have to Police and live in the real world'

Best wishes

Monte

I would always ask for the hate-crime unit (if one exists). Although we're not classified as a sexuality and therefore not directly protected by legislation, there is a case to argue that targeting you because of your membership of a "scene" is a hate crime - eg the Goths. Whether they accept it as a hate crime or not, you're more likely to get a sympathetic officer with experience in dealing with sensitive subjects. If it is classed as a hate crime there are separate targets for clearing up this type of crime and therefore you're more likely to get a result.

A dirty mind is a joy for life. :-p

3 Apr 11, 8:33 AM
wonderer
UK, 5 yrs

River_Deep wrote:
Thank you all for all the communications on this point.

I have received an email from the party concerned saying that they are not going to do this and therefore the matter for me is now closed.

I cannot removed this thread but I have hidden the weblog I had up.

Many thanks again

RD

Glad to hear the danger is past.

Is this was a genuine threat which has now been withdrawn (as opposed to an April Fool or a misunderstanding of some kind) then one wonders if some kind of action could be taken, such as profile removal. I know "naming and shaming" isn't allowed on here, but if there are people here with a history of threats of outing, it would be nice if we could all be forewarned and not give them too much identifying info in off-board conversations.

Various people here sometimes feel vulnerable if they might be outed to employers. Some employers are more open about this sort of stuff than others. Some have clauses expecting staff to behave in a seemly manner which couldn't cause reputational damage at all times. As others have said, worth exploring how colleagues / managers react to the idea of you having an "alternative lifestyle" outside of work. (Perhaps a bit early in a new job in RD's case). If anyone is being threatened, a HR department might be more supportive than a PR department.

"Wisdom begins in wonder” (Socrates)
"Imagination is more important than knowledge" (Albert Einstein)
Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est. http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/226772/

3 Apr 11, 11:10 AM
Badg1Vo
UK(B), 6 yrs
wonderer wrote:
River_Deep wrote:
Thank you all for all the communications on this point.

I have received an email from the party concerned saying that they are not going to do this and therefore the matter for me is now closed.

I cannot removed this thread but I have hidden the weblog I had up.

Many thanks again

RD

Glad to hear the danger is past.

Is this was a genuine threat which has now been withdrawn (as opposed to an April Fool or a misunderstanding of some kind) then one wonders if some kind of action could be taken, such as profile removal. I know "naming and shaming" isn't allowed on here, but if there are people here with a history of threats of outing, it would be nice if we could all be forewarned and not give them too much identifying info in off-board conversations.

Who decides who we need to be warned about for any formal system for this? Will there be an appeals procedure if you get named as such?

I'd suggest a more informal scheme as an alternative : not giving people identifying info in off-board conversations until you know them well enough to do so, part of which will be making discreet enquiries about them to people you trust.

However, neither scheme prevents someone with no history of "outing" from their first episode of doing so, only limiting the risk of 'repeat offences'.

Badg1.

Edited 3 Apr 11, 11:36 AM by Badg1Vo

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