 |
| Taintedinnocence |
on Tue 15 Mar 11, 9:34 PM to Taintedinnocence's blog.
Isn't it weird, how despite being able to put on a fake work confidence and being confident with my friends and family, I get so terribly terrible self conscious, to the point where it makes things a misery?
I really wanted to learn to dance, but we stopped going cos I got so embarrassed and stressed (and apparently grumpy!) plus we were struggling for time!
Now piano lessons - same thing - I'm struggling for time and getting stressed about my ability and worrying about the lessons, and getting stressed in them. I am going to have to stop again 
And now The_Falconer (probably sensibly) says I am not allowed to start any new projects until I can have a week where one night I don't fall asleep after dinner. Hmmmmmm.
I am also skint, but I think if I can I would like to get my arms done again and my nails done with the money I will save 
thus trying to make a positive
I always feel that (since I'm not religious) I should achieve something with my life. Make a difference to the world. Be able to look back and see something significant. But I don't know what that will be....or how I will do that.....?
| 15 Mar 11, 9:57 PM totallycoverme UK(M), 4 yrs |
self consciousness is such a big barrier...i propper hate it coz there's no need for it but it's still there. I wish i could stay awake longer int evenings, Master is such a night owl
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice | ||
| 15 Mar 11, 10:00 PM Taintedinnocence UK(S), 6 yrs |
yeah I know
yeah, me too, wish I didn't need so much sleep but I do | ||
| 15 Mar 11, 10:02 PM totallycoverme UK(M), 4 yrs |
when i need an early night i always have to ask master for tuck in time else i can't get to sleep without him in the bed...i have a feeling that tonight is gonna be one of those nights It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice | ||
| 15 Mar 11, 11:02 PM syndeetoo UK(WC), 6 yrs |
I always feel that (since I'm not religious) I should achieve something with my life. Make a difference to the world. Be able to look back and see something significant. You can also manage to feel this way even if you are religious, it makes no difference. Please let me know if you crack this, cos I'm damn sure I haven't and I'm hurtling graveward at an alarming rate. self consciousness - as my old mother never used to say to me, what makes you so interesting? or, in common parlance nowadays, get over yourself. Dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. | ||
| 15 Mar 11, 11:36 PM Grownup_Frankie UK, 4 yrs |
The stumbling block here is the word 'should'. Its made just living stressful to you. You have life, just live it, until you can't anymore. You are under no obligation to leave a lasting mark. It isn't necessary. And who changes the world by dancing or playing the piano anyway? I think you go through life, and your path is unique, its not necessarily important or priceless or anything, just because its unique, but its YOURS, its unquestionably YOUR path.
"Yet I rejoice in the great harm done me, for this reason only, that I am more mine being yours, than were I mine." - Michelangelo Edited 15 Mar 11, 11:53 PM by Grownup_Frankie | ||
| 16 Mar 11, 12:22 AM Elohims_jay UK(B), 7 yrs |
I go for the Make a difference to "someones" world rather than the whole dam thing. I know there are people who I have/do love and love me back ... making our worlds that much better for it .... Simples :: smiles ::
"You and you alone make me feel that I am alive. Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough." ~ George Moore | ||
| 16 Mar 11, 8:44 PM Taintedinnocence UK(S), 6 yrs |
| ||
| 16 Mar 11, 8:47 PM Taintedinnocence UK(S), 6 yrs |
Yeah, I know. I feel like I should get over it, but can't work out how! I think that the self consciousness thing just springs from being a total nerd, plus years of my Mum putting me down. I am not a co-ordinated person, so whilst I have developed confidence in some areas, things like this I struggle with, which I find frustrating. I would continue, but the time factor is the major problem here. | ||
| 16 Mar 11, 8:49 PM Taintedinnocence UK(S), 6 yrs |
Yeah, you are right I know logically. Depressingly, I don't believe in an afterlife, so it just seems so sad that I could go through life and my life could just be one of millions. Vain, I suppose of me. No -no-one does, it just makes me feel like I have accomplished more, done more with my life. I feel like I either have to do 1 big thing, or I have to do lots of little things which I look back on and feel happy about. I just am a natural worrier! Give me not a lot to worry about (bliss!), and I'll find something. Stupid really. | ||
| 16 Mar 11, 8:53 PM totallycoverme UK(M), 4 yrs |
tis so poo that stuff in the past effects your present. It shouldn't but it can. that's exactly why I'm currently in counselling and why I've also refered to it a fair bit in the past. The past is such a pain in the oosh. If Master will be coming to bed with me in the next 20 mins, I make myself stay up so I can doze off with him. If it's looking like it's gonna be longer I'll ask nicely for tuck in time. Ooh, back too the first paragraph, there are some methods of thinking to help stop the past messing with yoour present. i'm onnly just beginning to explore them so will deffo try to write them down here when I'm more able to wordify them. It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice |
