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| Sweetiejar |
Had chemo no 3 yesterday, didn't want to go because I knew it would make me feel crap. Mine is one of the better tolerated chemos, I have enormous respect for those on the less well tolerated ones who turn up time after time in the hope that this poison will make them well again. I have a real problem with needles…well actually its not just needles its anything that's skin penetrating, so my stress levels start to build a week or so before chemo and really escalate on the day, sat in a room full of people with IVs is not good for me, I cannot look at my own hand and cant look at anyone else LOLOL, I just shut my eyes and try not to think about it. On the plus side I am a lot LOT better than I have ever been.
Woke up this morning feeling very sickety and had to take anti-sickness meds, know that this week I will feel progressively worse. I hate that feeling and have to wonder if it's all worth it. Having what is described as palliative chemo, my cancer is not operable, they have taken out what they could but can't get the rest, so the chemo is the last chance saloon. Have a scan on Thursday to see if it's doing its job….will get the results in a couple of weeks after the MDT have had a meeting and discussed everything. Wish that wasn't going to be 3 weeks away.
I know I am not alone but often late at night when I can't sleep I feel like I am. I think about life and death, think quite a bit about death, I suppose everyone with a cancer diagnosis does. Don't get me wrong, I am not being negative, not at all, I am just having an introspective day (possibly week).
| 15 Mar 11, 8:05 AM River_Deep UK, 6 yrs |
I cannot imagine what is going through you mind hun. Your friends can only sit on the sideline and watch you go through this, praying that the chemo will do all that it should do.
It is not what you say or do but the way you say or do it | |||
| 15 Mar 11, 8:18 AM LadyAliana UK(B), 2 yrs |
I know from my own experience just how you feel. I suspect at this moment all you want to do is hide under the duvet. I had breast cancer 4 yrs ago ,+ 3 grade so had to go through the hard chemo.But it worked and i am here today. I have a close friend who is going through the treatment you are. He was diagnosed with terminal brain tumour ,like you he had as much possible removed and regular chemo since. He was given 6 months max ,but thanks to the wonderful treatment he is still here after 18 month. In that time he has maanaged to do some travelling and things on his bucket list. It is the hardest thing to do when you are feeling so crap to feel positive. But Girl you are going to kick this in the ass and do things on your bucket list. Try and focus on something you really want to do. Mine was to go to Rome. So while having treatment i would work out in my head exactly what i wanted to do there. It took my mind off the side effects . I do hope and pray you have some positive results after this course of chemo. Everyday is a bonus so try and see the joy of seeing that day ,and soon the sun will shine in your life again. both physically and mentally. I am here daily so drop me a line if you want to have a good moan .It does make you feel better lol. Chin up girl ,smile and be positive . Lots of hugs and kisses xxx Sticks and stones may break your bones, But whips and chains excite me. | |||
| 15 Mar 11, 8:22 AM LadyAliana UK(B), 2 yrs |
PS . I always had my ipod on when i had my chemo, so would just close my eyes and go with my music completely ignoring what was going on around me . Always helped me xx Sticks and stones may break your bones, But whips and chains excite me. | |||
| 15 Mar 11, 8:28 AM Sweetiejar UK(S), 11 yrs |
fancying an ipod or something similar but not being very teccie dont really know what to get. Sweetiejar | |||
| 15 Mar 11, 8:49 AM MizzScarlett UK, 4 yrs  |
Wishing you strength.
Keep tough!
I'm sure some lovely techy boy will help you choose one and get it all set up for you
And @LadyAliana, our chat about your cancer experience - at PJs and Cocktails - has stayed with me. You have a fantastic attitude! And will be a great support to Sweetiejar
"Style is the sum of all your defects." - Alan Bennett | |||
| 15 Mar 11, 8:56 AM LadyAliana UK(B), 2 yrs |
Its a must to have lol. I used it in the middle of the night as well if i could not sleep or had pain.
Lot of the time i would fall back asleep listening to it. You can buy mp3 players from as little as £10 .Go to the Argos online and have a look . I have an apple ipod 8gb on which at the moment have around 2000 tracks. Have actually gone from beggining to end a few times now lol. They are easy to put music on ,or get a teenager to fill it for you lol. It will be your best investment . Need any music memo me I have 1000 s of albums . Sticks and stones may break your bones, But whips and chains excite me. | |||
| 15 Mar 11, 8:59 AM LadyAliana UK(B), 2 yrs |
Thank you xxxx I hope your keeping well .Hopefully see you soon . Ps still waiting for my pain block . Good old NHS.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, But whips and chains excite me. | |||
| 15 Mar 11, 9:07 AM just_tope 6 yrs |
Always here should you need me. I know there's nothing I can do, but the offer always stands. xxx I'm not antisocial, I just dont like you. | |||
| 15 Mar 11, 10:02 AM jenevieve UK(CH), 4 yrs |
I'd second the use of the ipod or something similar, helped keep me sane in my hosp trips and treatments even tho mine werent 4 anything so serious. Big hugs and keep the positivity going. | |||
| 15 Mar 11, 10:03 AM quietsoul UK(G), 6 yrs |
Know exactly how you feel..Chemo sucks big time.... i dont know if you were offered or would consider a hickman line, God it made things so much easier.. Am back on needles and part of me is considering asking for this option again... like you i hate the bloody things with a vengence. The line was easy to get, no pain in any way either going in or out... But chin up it'll be over before you know it and i hope your scans come back showing good things good luck with everything.. x Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. |
