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| mia |
on Wed 9 Mar 11, 5:12 PM to the O_and_P group.
Some things which were removed form me near the start of the relationship, i 'grieved' for. I had periods of really really sobbing and feeling upset about and distressed about not having access to my bank card, or not being allowed to call someone by their name directly. There were periods when it was hot, periods of grieving and distress and feelings of it all being normal.
It generally fits into normal and hot now that many of the things that are long standing have been established for some time, but i do still miss things now and again.
My sleep/bed rules have changed and the though the new situation is preferable to sleeping at the bottom of the bed, it still reinforces the position i am in in our relationship. I do still find this hard and really miss sleeping 'like a normal person', as i call it.
I've asked for respite for some things, but he says, rightly i have to grudingly admit, that it would probably make me miss them more, if i got a small taste back. I don't long for these things all the time - just now and again...
I love my life, i love my owner and i would rather be with him than anything, but i do miss things about being free; stuff i used to take for granted. I was just wondering if anyone else felt this? What do you do?
x
| 9 Mar 11, 7:42 PM flamesdesire UK(OX), 4 yrs |
I no longer have an owner, but when I did, I used to miss some of the freedom that I used to have alone but I would not have wanted to walk away from him just for that. Now I am alone I miss the denial of things, the rules, the regime, the ritual, being owned.
I have never lived with someone within this lifestyle (yet) so having someone take my bank card has never been an option.
One thing that was taken from me, but not in a literal sense, was the use of my car. I think it was for 2 weeks, I had to walk everywhere and if I wanted to use it I had to ask and give a good reason as to why I wanted to use it. That was a killer. I also never had to sleep at the end of his bed though he threatened me with the sofa often. I think he liked having me close to him at night. jxx "Take me from this earth an endless night- this, the end of life. From the dark I feel your lips and taste your bloody kiss." | |
| 9 Mar 11, 7:55 PM pinkylucy UK(M), 9 yrs     |
Sometimes I really miss the freedom to just have whatever I want to eat or drink. Mostly I find this control exciting, but sometimes I feel so annoyed and frustrated with it I could explode! I remember a time when we were out for a kids' party and I just wanted a slush puppy. I wanted it to a ridiculous and irrational level and I just couldn't bear the fact that when she said 'no' I had to go along with it. To make matters worse I had friends trying to secretly buy me one! They all know about my lifestyle but they are vanilla and I think to them they conceptualise it as a game that stops if I really want it to and they could see I really wanted that slush puppy! I felt even more annoyed because I knew Hartless was only doing it to be mean because she can. Another time people were handing out some nice biscuits from the Christmas market and I just wanted a taste and again she said no and I was so so mad!! Graceful submission is not my strong point.
So in short I miss biscuits and slush puppies. I'm so shallow. "Don't Dream It - Be It" - The Rocky Horror Show 1973 | |
| 9 Mar 11, 8:53 PM mia UK(M), 4 yrs     |
I think it is those little things tho - i sometimes get sad i can't have a doughnut when i want one - which is often. Then that makes me think of the bigger picture which either leads to hot hot hot thoughts, or 'Oh, but i miss that choice'.
Luckily, it's usually the former, it's just a wee bit sad when it's the latter. Hugs help, doughnuts would be good too x If i'm wrong at least i don't matter. | |
| 10 Mar 11, 1:05 PM Hartless UK(S), 2 yrs  |
Don't forget the utter misery I put you through by not allowing you to wear your hair in bunches around me Resistance is futile. | |
| 10 Mar 11, 1:24 PM LadyAliana UK(B), 2 yrs |
Just think of the Joy we Domme/Doms are getting from this. Its like xmas everyday when you do the things asked of you without moaning or groaning. You are in the position that you have always craved . And always rememeber there are 100s out there who are envious of what you have got. You have more people envying you in the bdsm world ,than would envy you in vanilla life for a belonging you have and they do not. My sub sometimes misses the freedom of going out and spending money ,but soon comes back down to earth when i hand him the bank card and tell him to go do it. He loves his life more than than the bankcard . Which probably you do also .xx Sticks and stones may break your bones, But whips and chains excite me. | |
| 10 Mar 11, 9:26 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs |
I suppose you have to think about how much worse it would be without the relationship. If you crave and need control the getting of it, even if sometimes it's resented, is the price you pay. All relationships have the rough and the smooth in them. Sometimes I wake up liking waking alone (I had nearly 20 years married which was not really all D/s but was certainly constricting in some ways - most of my adult life) but if you're happy on the whole in a relationship then even the parts which are difficult are worth tolerating. Can't really speak from experience as our live in D/s didn't really last long and I don't live with smeone now and it's pretty easy to be very submissive to a non live in boyfriend you don't see and live with every day so it almost isn't the full real thing even when I've had that. | |
| 11 Mar 11, 11:21 AM miss_kitten UK(HA), 5 yrs |
The missing of freedoms and the terrible internal conflict of wanting certain things back and the desire, want and need to be controlled and the best I can be is something I struggle with all of the time.
I could list all of the things that I occasionally miss individually and what my particular trigger points are, but that would be uber dull. What unites them all is the overwhelming feeling of sadness / anger / frustration I have sometimes because I miss being able to be spontaneous, even in the smallest of ways. The rules hold me back. His will holds me back. And this makes me sound miserable and unhappy, and I really am not
How do I deal with it? To me, it is like dealing with pain. It gets to the overwhelming point of frustration etc (read: pain) and then there is a little pop in my head and I find my peace (read: pleasure / acceptance) and I see it for what it is and enjoy (hmmm - is that the word?) that these are the tangible signs of our dynamic and that these are the constant reminders of what we have and all that I am happy about and all that I am to him and vice versa. And there is safety, joy and pride in all of it. Sense? | |
| 11 Mar 11, 4:15 PM mia UK(M), 4 yrs |
OMG, this is ace. Thank you. This makes sense. This is how it is for me. Thank you. x If i'm wrong at least i don't matter. | |
| 11 Mar 11, 7:32 PM Diablos_patience UK, 6 yrs |
I miss lots and lots of things, how do i come to terms with it... dunno im trying to work that one out, if you find a quick solution please pass it on  ~* Raku wa ku no tané; ku wa raku no tané. *~ | |
| 20 Mar 11, 8:44 PM Taintedinnocence UK(S), 6 yrs |
I don't really think I miss anything, but maybe I am just used to it? Control makes me feel secure, and most things I am happy to give up. |
