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Posted by billybofh
on Tue 1 Oct 02, 4:57 PM to billybofh's blog.
As christmas approaches and we all realise that the money we were going to put aside so that we had plenty to spend during the sales, now amounts to £0.03 - I've tried to remember some of the fun things I get upto at this time of year to pass the time.
Stapling hot coins to puppies for instance. How it makes me laugh.
Sellotaping young children to the wall with their mouths open, then playing "ping the peanut into the mouth" with your friends.
Sneaking into old peoples houses and turning on their gas cookers when they're out is a hoot! Especially good on fireworks night that one...
Spreading man-custard onto car wing-mirrors so that people think it was frosty the night before.
Pouring water on the steps outside the local school for "special children" on icy-cold nights.
Getting a job as a part-time postie, half-emptying any whisky bottles which were sent as gifts, then wee-ing into them to make up the difference.
Sneaking razor-blades into cutesie stuffed toys in market-stalls so that cheapskate parents get to star on TV's Watchdog after their "Tragic Christmas Hell".
Telling store managers that you're sure you saw the in-shop Santa behaving inappropriatly with some of his little visitors.
Volunteering at the local psychiatric wing as a christmas visitor and then telling the patients that you are actually visiting from another world - the world where the people who shout at them live.
Writing "We'll soon be back together" on a mournfull card to the newly widowed old man next door.
Putting happy gnomes all round the newly buried to cheer their visiting relatives.
Making slippy puddles out of cat-wee.
And finally.... Phoning up your parents to tell them that they're your number one masturbatory fantasy this special christmas morn'.
God Bless Us, Every One!
Edited Tue 1 Oct 02, 6:07 PM by billybofh
