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| mia |
on Sat 12 Feb 11, 8:47 PM to the O_and_P group.
As time goes on in my relationship, i find myself becoming somewhat of a drip. If i forget the shopping list, i have a mini panic and feel all uneasy. If i can't get the kettle to work, i have a little cry. If someone is rude to me, i take it to heart. These little things never used to bother me. I used to be a grown up who could ignore all these silly little worries. BUT, this was because my worrying time was spent on bigger issues. I worried about relationships, i worried about children, marriage, my future, i worried about my career, i worried about money, i worried about the things that could really fuck up my life if i got them wrong.
So on one hand, people could look at this and think, 'Oh, great advert there, being owned has turned her into a pathetic loser' (shush - don't even!) but i don't, i see it that i have time to worry about things that don't REALLY matter, cos someone else is doing the worrying (or not, cos he seems to have everything sorted) about the big things and the big picture.
I feel like i've handed over the responsibilty of my life to someone who i trust more than myself; someone who will make better decisions that will suit him and be right for me too.
I just wondered if any other s-types felt something similar to this? And to the D-types, how do you feel with such an important role of having the responsibility to make such important decisions in, and for, someone else's life?
All of the following are taken from the O&P Manifesto and i think provide some further food for thought, with regards to this topic.
| asymmetric While the submissive is in the dominant's possession they are fundamentally there for the dominant The dominant is the submissive's superior hierarchical nature of O&P provides clarity about what is to be done, and who is to do it Maintenance of property demands responsibility, and in O&P this is a cardinal virtue of dominants and owners. do not presume, for instance, that submissives can still make decisions which are now in the hands of their dominant This structure and hierarchy promotes a life of worthwhile purpose, under the authority of a responsible and competent dominant.
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| 12 Feb 11, 10:03 PM HalloweenWhite UK(TF), 7 yrs      |
Well, I'm new to the concept of an O and P relationship and therefore don't have any real life experience to rely on but as a Dominant, I think it's important to be a "grown up" about ownership and make sure You think about what You're doing very carefully because what You do affects the sub. Being very honest with Yourself about whether You have the ability to take on the responsibility in the first place and working out where You fall short, trying to anticipate problems and then working out solutions. All this probably sounds really obvious, but I still think it's important cos I think You have to be realistic with Yourself and any potential sub so that You/they have a good idea what Y/you're getting into. Sadder still to watch it die than never to have have known it. | |
| 12 Feb 11, 10:06 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs |
I can't say I like the idea. It's perhaps almost the responsibility of a dominant to ensure submissives or owned property maintain life skills. If the dom dies the sub needs to know how to pay bills, forge her career or even just know how to organise a gas man. You don't need to be infantalised to be owned. I can understand it but isn't that wny housewives become so dull and boring because they aren't out there in the real world with interesting things to talk about and concerns? Doesn't it makes someone a duller partner? | |
| 12 Feb 11, 10:14 PM mia UK(M), 4 yrs    |
Well i wasn't saying i *can't* do these things. I haven't regressed or been reset to a time when i didn't understand owt, i just don't HAVE to worry about these things now. And i've never met a dull housewife yet - what a sweeping statement to make. x If i'm wrong at least i don't matter. | |
| 12 Feb 11, 10:16 PM totallycoverme UK(M), 4 yrs |
I definately feel like this at times. Master and I were talking about your post here and saying "ah yeah we can relate to a few things here"...ill put down some notes in this post and look forward to expanding at the O and P (I'm really glad you mentioned this) I've always been a worrier but in terms of D/s I think there are a few factors that come into their own: *I want to be PERFECT for him: PERFECT!!!! Master is fairly laid back, easy going and happy but still I often put ridiculous ammounts of pressure on myself and worry that I'm not doing enough. Master says that I do well and that my intentions are in the right place but still I worry. This definately filters into me worrying about silly things like (for eg) does he like the way I dress? does he like what I do for him etc etc. *Also, I think if you have perfectionist tendancies you will always worry about something. The theory that people worry because it feels unnatural, out of control and flippant not to springs to mind here (that is to say that I think I worry through fear that if i don't I won't be on the ball enough to spot a potential problem before it is too late....I am perhaps my own worse enemy :-S) We were talking about some of the awesome decisions that Master has made for me and how they have really helped me and these deffo reduce my worries and this is awesome. But I guess ultimately if you've got a ball of energy in the form of worry it will need to be directed at something whether that is related to career or what to watch on tele.
Sometimes the mind is so deconstructive but ya gotta love it lol It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice | |
| 13 Feb 11, 12:40 AM socair UK, 6 yrs |
Oh mia that sounds wonderful. Why is there not a green with envy but happy for you smiley?  I've never been owned so what happened in the past was having all the usual big worries you mention and then the extra, smaller, ones when in a relationship. It got exhausting.
It sounds to me more like emotional freedom than being a drip though "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society". | |
| 13 Feb 11, 12:54 AM socair UK, 6 yrs |
But Class Act for plenty people the “real world” is their home and family. It's pretty rude to suggest that simply because a woman stays at home she is automatically dull. Some of the happiest couples I know have exactly that set up and the women are most definitely not boring. In fact they are a joy to be around and their partners seem to agree. "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society". | |
| 13 Feb 11, 12:58 AM Black0rchid UK, 2 yrs |
Since being with @Nathan57, I worry so much less about the really big issues which preoccupied my life and caused huge anxiety. I don't think about it as deeply as you or maybe some others, but I just think, if you suffer from anxiety and you are in a relationship, however it works, which makes you less anxious, thats a good thing, so who the fxxk is anyone to judge you for how you have come to that understanding.
Life is short ... if anyone can make it feel better Az me shloft mit hint, shtayt men oyf mit flay | |
| 13 Feb 11, 2:00 PM successfu1 5 yrs |
Useful point to raise Mia. I've certainly experienced anxiety about this myself, kinda in line with the 'deskilling' or 'what if' scenarios that maybe it becomes the easy way to not be daily fretting about the broad strokes, but in many ways it makes you more present and functional if that's the case. I suspect part of my concern is the the Dom is also taking on worry/pressure about things that aren't (to my understanding) nice to deal with alone. I think it comes down to the degree of sharing. If a Dom is on a plith by himself if could get lonely with too much pressure. Having the ultimate say is one thing, but not having input or advice from vested parties seems to be unfair IMO. But fundamentally, i'm sure the headspace freed up could be put to better things- projects for his pleasure and entertainment or wellbeing (Ive never yet met a Dom who didn't have a list if things they'd love to tackle if only they had the time.) "Yes, but that's just not relevant.." | |
| 13 Feb 11, 2:05 PM mia UK(M), 4 yrs |
I guess the thing is, i still have a career, i still think about the future and the big things, i still think about big spends (like if my car needs fixing or something), it's just i don't worry about them. I hear what you're saying about the D having to have all the worries and that potentially being a troubling place to be, but for me, he likes responsibility and so i think him having some of this, all to himself, is also part of what he likes. We talk, of course and my input is often valued. For example, i might move my job to somewhere else and he is a big part of whether that is right or not for me. I am doing the planning of the pros and cons of doing it, presenting it to him and for the moment he is encouraging me to do what i think is right. If though, he said 'No, stay where you are', then i'd do that, without argument, cos i know he'd be telling me to do so for a reason. x If i'm wrong at least i don't matter. | |
| 13 Feb 11, 2:24 PM successfu1 5 yrs |
True, I often wonder if the career aspect is a thorn in the 'authenticity' of service as we seek to find ways around it rather than accepting it as a distraction from service. Maybe feminists will shout at me, but I wonder if the service of bringing in income/having 'news'/having physical independance is a problem. As many of my potential future career options would be entangled in with my partners or would effect him (eg if I travel for work/have work stress/bring it home/have limited maternity pay) I worry that is an issue. Maybe this is off topic, but if work remains the area where I go out and keep up appearances, the impact of my work effects my partner. Obviously the answer isn't that everyone should become stay at home slaves or simular but it's tricky. I've made career decsions in consultation before but simply because I know so much more about the context, sector, characters involved etc that I have an upper hand on it. Tricky. "Yes, but that's just not relevant.." |
