This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 7 Feb 11, 8:32 PM Silver_sparkler UK(RH), 18 mths  |
You must be male.....
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| 7 Feb 11, 8:40 PM simply_sub_lime UK(SP), 2 yrs  |
Personally I only cum when im at my tensest....I have been told I try too hard, but if I relax, enjoy, absorb all stimuli, I still never cum.
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| 7 Feb 11, 10:31 PM Marquis_de_Camden UK(W), 20 mths |
Two words for you: Magic Wand
I'd be amazed if it didn't do the job. And great fun for him controlling it too Hope this helps R | |||
| 7 Feb 11, 10:46 PM Vareox UK, 2 yrs |
As much as I hate this attempt at aportioning blame? It's important to her or she wouldn't have posted. You may be surprised to learn that it's important to many women who can't orgasm. If the best help you can offer is to try and make someone responsible then perhaps it's best you save it for a 'men are all bastards' thread, I'm sure there will be one along soon.
And the op is trying to make it better for both of them. If they both perceive a problem then it makes sense to try and address that. | |||
| 8 Feb 11, 6:40 AM Epicurean_Soul UK(OX), 2 yrs |
Recently I met someone who had a similar problem, she stated that she rarely came during sex but on her own no problem. I took it very slowly at first and told her that I like to see a woman in the throes of a serious orgasm. Usual research was carried out where is her G spot, favorite position lots of foreplay etc and in the end a great deal of mutual enjoyment. As has been stared here it is part of a mindset. Perhaps if you established whether your dom enjoyed seeing you come it might help because then you are giving him pleasure. I also believe that some hypnosis therapy might help, especially if your dom attended with you so he knew the trigger word. Relaxation therapy, similar to hypnosis, might also help. Some people have a concept that a D/s relationship is based on the sub always having to give pleasure and that taking pleasure eg having and orgasm is wrong in the same way that some religions preach that sex is wrong. For me it is about two people enjoying themselves and giving each other pleasure. I hope this helps
Smile! Edited 8 Feb 11, 6:52 AM by Epicurean_Soul | |||
| 8 Feb 11, 7:02 AM Epicurean_Soul UK(OX), 2 yrs |
Vareox I totally agree with you, these posts are here to help people not put them down, I know some people think they are perfect but it would be nice if they took the time to understand that not everyone is and offered some help or if they can't do that then keep their opinions to themselves. Grrrrrr. Rant over BTW I am a man, and I knew both of my parents so the hypothesis that all men are bastards is, I am sorry to say, flawed! Smile! | |||
| 8 Feb 11, 8:00 AM Graci_e UK, 5 yrs |
i have a similar problem to the op in that although i have a blanket permission to cum whenever i want if im not with Him i can't even if He's said it's ok i still struggle, i can cum easily when playign with Him and that's not a problem but on my own no no. The only thing that works is a magic wand or adam and eve so we've jst got one cos the gracie was getting rather frustrated lol. it's annoying when your head blocks you but i just put it down to being in the right relationship...it wasnt deliberate or wanted but He has that much control so in some ways that's a good thing. xXx | |||
| 8 Feb 11, 8:52 AM roblxxx UK(PO), 17 mths |
Despite many womens claims to the contrary I've only ever had one who could swallow me to the hilt, and only one who's ever made me cum just with her mouth alone.
It's possible, just rare I'm a bad, bad boy, and I'm going to steal your love. | |||
| 8 Feb 11, 9:46 AM Mr_Frost UK(PL), 3 yrs |
Stop Trying. I doubt making it a goal is helping, I suspect there may be some psychological issues with how you are feeling. Once you start to believe you can't cum because of X or Y those beliefs begin to manifest as actual problems when they were not before you assigned them as such. Sadly we always looks for reasons why things don't work exactly how we plan, sometimes it would be better not to analyze it. The pressure to achieve orgasm is often a major hurdle for some people, the simple act of not trying or at least not expecting it will help over time. When you first agree not to try you'll probably still be secretly hoping it will work but if you continue not trying eventualy the expectation and hope will diminish and then you could be more open to it happening. Many people are also quite embrassed about masturbating in front of someone, this may also be an issue. Have you ever tried orgasming for your partner when they are not present either on the phone or even via webcam? That may be a less direct way to get yourself more comfortable with the notion of someone witnessing you masturbating. Finally there is also the question of technique, perhaps your partner is not quite as effective at stimulating you as you both think. Spend more time exploring your body and less time aiming for the goal of orgasm. There have been times particuarily with partners I don't know very well where my desire to make them feel good has led to me being too rough or simply too quick in the heat of the momment to move from teasing to direct clitoral stimulation. The result of course being a more uncomfortable reaction from the woman that can have the opposite effect driving her further from orgasm. Also worth mentioning (I haven't read all the replies to see if you cover this) Have you tried g-spot stimulation instead of clitoral? Finally, the fact you say it dissapoints your partner when you can't cum is probably a major contributing pressure point. The feeling of letting him down is not going to make it easier especialy if you have had the problem before. - Master of posting at the bottom of a page - Edited 8 Feb 11, 9:49 AM by Mr_Frost | |||
| 8 Feb 11, 10:20 AM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs |
It shoudl also be said that it's very good you don't fake it.I never have ut huge numbers of women do and that can in a sense make it harder for honest women because men might think ABC came at the drop of a hat with a floor show like on porn and with multiple orgams but AB and may be C as well might all have just been putting it on. Whilst I expect most subs would rather men came than they do (I genuinely to) it's not great if you can't orgasm with a partner and most dominant like to see it too. I genuinely stop feeling sexy once I've come as do lots of men too so I suppose the only solution to that is I come last or else we come together. In marriage I tended to orgasm during ordinary sex (as I said above) which is relatively rare and then he after that but only shortly after. I also think it can take quite a long time to get used to a person's body whether male and female and worth taking the time. I'm like cat's fur - can only be stroked one way. |
