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Posted by billybofh
on Thu 21 Mar 02, 6:20 PM to billybofh's blog.
Fingerbobs kicked the leaves sullenly. He'd made some silly mistakes in his life, but this sucked. Bigtime.
...
"Fingerbobs - you've got to choose! You can't just keep putting this off! It's not fair on you, me _or_ your workmates!"
Fingerbobs looked guilty. He knew that what the tortoise said was true, but he also knew that he had tried many times before .....
"I mean - you *know* what that stuff does to you! You can hardly remember what you were doing last night, can you? Well?!". The tortoise was almost screaming now, seeming egged on by Fingerbobs apathy.
"Well..... I have tried you know......" said Fingerbobs.
"Like fuck you have! Last time? What about last time? Going for one day *ONE* day! I mean - even the woodpecker has managed better and he's a full-on junky!"
Fingerbobs felt guilty again. He knew that sniffing petrol was bad - but..... well... since the TV shows had dried up...... it really wasn't his fault.....
"It's not really my fault you know...."
"Oh! Fingerbobs! Listen to yourself! You really are addicted to that stuff aren't you! Don't you realise that pretty soon *no-one* in this town is going to hire you? You blew that last TV appearance... Vomiting over those kids and claiming they were goblins! For gods sake Fingerbobs!!" screamed the tortoise, "I'm trying to help you see the truth here!"
"I can see the truth.... I can...." Fingerbobs knew the truth alright. He'd had a bit of a sniffter before the tortoise had turned up and knew that, secretly, the tortoise was involved with the unicorn and those odd melty things which hung around outside his garage. "I'm going to give up soon.... I am....."
The tortoise just stared at him, pity and disbelief in the one horrid cold look.
"I've heard this before Fingerbobs. I'm not going through it all again. If you don't give this up I'm out of your life foreever." The tortoise looked away, an intake of breath and a suppressed sob - invisible but felt.
"Well go then.... I can do this on my own" Fingerbobs heard himself say.
The tortoise looked at him, frightened and angry. "You don't really mean that Fingerbobs - I know... it's the petrol talking..... but... I'm going now anyway......... I really hope you do make it..... really I do....."
With that, the tortoise left - closing the door to Fingerbobs house quietly behind her.
Fingerbobs walked to the cupboard and took out another can of petrol.
....
Three weeks later Fingerbobs was clean. He had sat and looked at the can of petrol that day for... maybe 10 hours... debating with his own demons. Eventually he had poured it through his neighbours letterbox and set them on fire. They were marketing execs - so the police weren't terribly concerned.
But the tortoise.... his beautiful tortoise who he'd hurt so much.... She had been found upside down in an alley - dead from exposure and starvation. He didn't know whether it had been suicide or just a tragic accident - but either way, he felt he was responsible.
He kicked the leaves and felt terribly, tearfully sad.....
Edited Thu 21 Mar 02, 6:21 PM by billybofh
