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Posted by billybofh
on Mon 18 Mar 02, 11:39 PM to billybofh's blog.
"So.... You booked the Pope on a skiing holiday?"
"Yeah.... I mean... I'll admit in hindsight it might not have been the best choice of breaks for him...."
"'Break' is an unfortunate choice of words...."
"Ah.. yes... well..... it seemed like a good idea..."
"*Good* idea? Not *fekking insane* idea?"
"Well, the idea was that we could take photographs of him swooshing down the slopes and use them as publicity... you know... 'God and Fresh Air Keeps Pontif Feeling Frisky' - that kind of thing...."
"Frisky?"
"Ermmm... yes....."
"You thought that the 82-year old Pope - Gods representative on earth - would look good in shades and ski's?"
"...Well.. when you say it like that......"
"So how, pray, did he end up in the sauna?"
"Ahh..... well... Once we'd pulled him up to the top of the slope..."
"Pulled?"
"Err... yes.... he couldn't really manage the walk uphill... so we just tied him to a log and pulled him...."
"Of course..........."
"... Anyway - once we got to the top and tied him into his skis - we realised that he was going to find it quite hard to go over the moguls... especially with his hands shaking so much.... he could hardly hold the sticks....."
"That would explain why his hands were covered in sellotape?"
"Ah! Yes! Well, we thought it would be dangerous if he dropped them - so we just taped them to his hands....... But, even then he wasn't very keen to go 'over the top' as it were...."
"Really? Can't imagine why....."
"Hmm... well... you see...."
"Hmmmmmmmmm???"
"Well, we felt it'd be a bit of a shame not to get any pictures after all this effort so.... well.. I gave him a little encouragement...."
"Encouragement?"
"Well... ok... a shove....."
"......."
"He seemed a little unsteady at first...."
"Just at first?"
"Well - once he'd actually fallen over he was just kind of 'rolling' rather that 'skiing' - so he looked a little more relaxed..."
"Relaxed?..... He looked '*relaxed*'?"
"He might just have been unconcious I suppose...... he certainly was after he'd rolled over a few moguls! Fair threw him up in the air they did!"
"Yes - we have the pictures you were taking at that point....."
"Came out quite well, didn't they? Considering the speed he was going at...."
"Amazing......... And the sauna?"
"Well - when we went down the the bottom and dug him out..."
"Dug?"
"From the snow - yes.... he was a bit buried.... Anyway... he seemed a tad cold. His shaking was much *much* worse at least"
"Doesn't sound like him? John Paul is normally so at ease after being shoved down a mountainside...."
"*Exactly*! So we took him to the nearest sauna to warm him up a bit... but we hadn't realised....."
"That it was womens-only night?"
"....... Yes ....... "
"So, we now have pictures splashed across the worlds media of the pope.... *The Pope* ... in a *very* revealing towel, with ski-sticks selloptaped to his hands and about five screaming, frightened women behind him as a policeman tries to take down his details......�
"It could have gone better I suppose......."
"Could it have gone worse?"
"Well... we do have an idea for a a jetski photoshoot if he's up for it?"
