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| relaxed1 |
on Wed 19 Jan 11, 12:27 PM to relaxed1's blog.
No, I'm not polyamorous, never have been and to be perfectly honest, can't see that I would ever have the need/desire or quite frankly the energy to engage in any such arrangement.
But still I find it intriguing. I know of at least one couple who both have partners with no interest in D/s or M/s, whose relationship endures alongside their respective marriages. I can clearly remember being told the story of their first meeting, where the sub's husband drove her to meet her new master. I found that strangely touching, an expression of love that transcended any jealousy, simply accepting that she had needs that he couldn't fulfil. In some ways it was no different, say, from a husband dropping his wife at her art class.
And it made me think, whether this could be right for me. I'm single, have been happily so for many years, but still crave the closeness and intimacy of D/s. Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to be anybody's dirty little secret, their bit on the side, but an open relationship where I fulfil someone's needs and they mine? Perhaps that is worth considering.
Of course, if I find a partner, then it's not (for me) a possibility. But otherwise, why not?
| 19 Jan 11, 1:46 PM Ama_Sidero UK(GU), 7 yrs       |
Indeed. Life is too short to spend it waiting miserably when you could have some happiness. I think, anyway.  Good luck. "Strip!" | ||
| 19 Jan 11, 2:26 PM dominalush UK(RG), 5 yrs |
Poly is a funny thing...there are as many different kinds of poly relationship as vanilla ones.Im a poly person in as much as i LOVE more than one person and have a close lifelong relationship with them.But I am sexually involved with only one.Both my boys accept their position in my life and the boundaries of that relationship.Everyone involved has their own desires..its finding someones whose desires correspond to yours,good luck with finding your match,or matches. to give pain is my pleasure...... | ||
| 19 Jan 11, 3:41 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs |
I'm not sure it makes people very happy who settle for it as s stop gap. They do get attached and jealous even in situations where everyone is open to everyone else. | ||
| 19 Jan 11, 3:54 PM relaxed1 UK(BR), 6 yrs |
I wouldn't consider it as a stop-gap? My musing was with regard to the possibility of it as a permanent, long-term situation, where I would be the outsider to someone else's relationship. I've no idea whether it's desirable or whether I'd want to do it, I was simply (as is my wont) thinking out loud. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars." - Oscar Wilde | ||
| 19 Jan 11, 6:44 PM Incandescence UK, 3 yrs |
I think, as someone who's not poly, it could possibly be easier done this way. I don't think I could share someone who was mine first, who I'd fallen in love with and had to myself for a period of time. I think getting involved with someone who's already involved might be easier. I don't think I could allow myself to fall in love with them though. That would probably be the most difficult part for me.
If you feel you can cope with that, I say, go for it. And enjoy Suffering for the one you love is never a chore but an honor which brings a sense of pride and accomplishment. ~ me 2010 | ||
| 19 Jan 11, 7:27 PM relaxed1 UK(BR), 6 yrs |
My sentiment entirely. If I were ever to consider this seriously, falling in love would be totally out of the question. It's one thing to be a third wheel on someone else's bike but quite another to risk breaking up their relationship.
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars." - Oscar Wilde | ||
| 19 Jan 11, 8:19 PM littlenic 5 yrs |
It's entirely possible to fall in love as the third wheel, and still not risk breaking up their relationship. As long as you keep to your own standards and hold their relationship as more important than yours, and therefore do nothing to jeopardise it, your loving your partner doesn't have to have any negative impact at all. | ||
| 19 Jan 11, 8:30 PM Mysubeyes 19 mths |
I can understand some of what you are saying and on the surface it could be appealing... meeting a need in two people but... and there is a but for me The whole D/s arena for me comes from within, my feelings for someone to be able to submit, my attraction to that person that has to go deeper than just the physical acts that come with a D/s relationship. The mental domination, taking over my thoughts, my actions. Wanting to please them because I feel so strongly about them. A one off play session would fulfil a short term physical need but by continuing to see that same person and build up a knowledge of them and what they like, what they want from me, how they make me feel, wanting to be special to them and important to them and their happiness etc, only continues because I see those qualities in them that make me want to continue. That then will turn to feelings of love and caring. With that in play I would not cope with sharing with them. Just my personal views. mse x | ||
| 19 Jan 11, 8:48 PM relaxed1 UK(BR), 6 yrs |
That's a really interesting perspective, and not one that I'd really considered. The scenario I'd thought about (but only because I have in mind as a model the couple I referred to above) was two people who are very happy together, very much in love, but one of them feels the need to feel the control of a Dominant. This doesn't have to undermine or supplant the love within the primary relationship; submission certainly involves a whole gamut of emotions, but love doesn't have to be one of them. Within a monogamous exclusive relationship, all the emotions will blend together, but if the D/s is separate they don't *have* to. But I can see that it could be a minefield. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars." - Oscar Wilde | ||
| 19 Jan 11, 9:25 PM Mysubeyes 19 mths |
Yes I understand where you are coming from with this and if the need for domination outside their relationship is purely on a sexual level which you can then put back into its little box then I can see how it could work. However, if it is more than that….If it's a need to feel that power and strength from another in other parts of your life. Then I cannot get my head round how you could then continue with your vanilla partner in the same way without thoughts of the dominant being there. To maintain control (for me anyway) needs regular contact in a variety of forms. That really getting inside my head and therefore taking over my thoughts….. What would you then be getting from your vanilla relationship? I know from relationships that I have tried to sustain in vanilla terms, that D/s element was always there in my thoughts. I could close it down for a period of time but it always raised its head and therefore I now know that vanilla was never going to be enough. I suppose it comes down once again to all of us being individuals and that our understanding of what works for us is the only real truth that we have…. Mse x |
