Can Cis gendered people really 'get it'?  (41)

I hate the 'partners' groups.... the one i joined seemed to have the main selling point of 'if we said this any other board we'd be accused of transphobia' well...erm.... it was the most negative hate filled bigoted board i've ever joined....but i enjoyed the thought that most of the bastard husbands they were bemoaning are probably on here getting their jollies away from home.

...but being cis on a trans board is almost as bad at times here where the cis is freak

a x

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I think it's a really valid point that trans people may not understand non trans people's position either. yep. How can we? It shouldn't be an excuse to reject people's experience when the boot's on the other foot either.

I have always been genderfucked and continue to not understand how most people do not question gender and their gender experience, except that they have this magic element to them where it all fits. My experience has been the opposite and I struggled with gender from the minute I found out I had one because I thought someone had made a mistake and it was a load of bollocks which I was having forced on me. I still don't understand why it doesn't feel this way for everyone, but I accept that it's true and feel relieved that not everyone has to go through the confusion I do.

I think it's brilliant how hard some partners of trans people work to try and understand - where so many just reject. Yes it is one of the ways people work to accept, but feels like an impossible demand to me - to understand the impossible. It doesn;t stop people accepting (as you have done) and contining to love.

Same issue faces different factions within the trans community - eg people on the gender binary and not being unable to understand each other's experience and feelings to the point that some negate them altogether.

Back to my original post in this thread, I think trying to understand how it is for someone else is an impossibility and all we can really do is try to listen, accept each other's feelings and experiences and support each other through the changes and consequences.

I guess - it's about moving from tolerance through acceptance and hoping we can arrive at a place where we can celebrate our partners for who they are. I think we do that by listening and and accepting rather than understanding what it's like. Expecting others to understand is an impossible task, I think it sets people up to fail.. and hence must be discouraging.

De

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Edited 18 Jan 11, 3:29 PM by Degenerate

Am sorry to hear Flibbertygibberty about your experience. As far as having posts banned (or culled as i like to call it) you are in good company here.

What is Cis, To me its institutional of the set Culture and Rules of the time. We are born Female or Male grow up to work, settle down and produce Families (in a gender role) to do the same, with lesiure time inbetween hopefully.

When you break that mould you will come under critism more through ignorance or unacceptance than real hate.

I think Cis needs support in their own expression which could even mean does Cis exists in the first place.

Edited 18 Jan 11, 4:24 PM by maidmichellepetite

If people dont understand the relation of cis-sexual and cis-sexual to each other and their antonyms, then it would suggest that they don't really understand the relationship between transsexual and transgender. If they don't understand it, then they must only accept it because the issue has been fuzzed up so much by special interest groups.

People reigniting fights over whether the umbrella of transgender people covers transsexual people or not (when it has pretty widely been defined to include transsexual people without specifically describing them) definitely does drop the signal:noise ratio though.

moo

Edited 18 Jan 11, 5:17 PM by foibey

Do you feel a need to be understood? I would have thought that all that is necessary is tolerance. Acceptance would be nice but is even that necessary?

Any fetishist can tell you how difficult it is to explain a fetish to someone who doesn't share that fetish but as long as people don't react with disgust and horror it isn't really a problem.

Ok, I really don't understand your situation. I have no idea of the problems you face. But why should people even try to understand. Isn't it enough that they leave you alone to live your life as you wish?

A significant minority don't leave us alone to live our lives as we wish - they discriminate against us. If the rest ignore this fact, then there is nothing to prevent its continuance.

This is true - but I think it won't be fixed by people thinking they understand when they can't.

What do you think people can and should do about it? this is the million dollar question. And are you doing it? Or just having a problem with how others try to do it or collect together for support?

I dont know the answer either btw but if someone does, lets do it!

De

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Edited 18 Jan 11, 9:48 PM by Degenerate

what did you mean to say here: "cis-sexual and cis-sexual "?

the issue underlying this, I think, is that people dont see the differences anyway - to them we're all pretty similar - a bunch of trannies - a bunch of people who can;t be content within sex and or gender as allocated - a bunch of people whom some will always view as freaky people of the sex we were alllocated.

I dont give a fuck about that as long as they stay out of my face, your face and the faces of other trans people. Their opinion should not control how trans people are included or not - we may never change those opinions but we do need to push for inclusion anyway. And it can be done because it is improving for other misunderstood groups - eg homosexuals.

People who hate all of us think we're all the same freaks. it's not the fault of one group amongst the wider community, that they think this, it's prejudice. and its not the fault of trans people either.

Do you think if nobody other than trans sexual people existed (or spoke - do you just want us not to speak?) everyone would understand you? seriously?

Why do you think everyone should understand you? Do you understand everyone else in the world or do you just accept them?

De

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Edited 18 Jan 11, 9:47 PM by Degenerate

I'm not condoning discrimination or ignoring that it happens. My point was that 'leave us the fuck alone' is a more justifiable and attainable target than 'understand us'. Let's be realistic and acknowledge that whilst people might support the fight to end discrimination most have no interest in what actually makes trans people tick nor is there any reason they should.