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| Liefsome |
I hate making a thing of it, because sometimes it feels like people don't get it and I don't have the words to explain it, but sometimes I just have to get it out of my system and have a good old moan about the fact that people are arseholes about my gender.
I am present on a couple of other dating community type things, because it is a little fun, and because it is a useful way to meet people, well, it would be if it worked.
Like any security conscious person, I don't put pictures of my face on some sites.
A common occurrence is to get chatting to someone, and be having a reasonably good time chatting. Then I'm asked for a face picture, and I go ahead and send one, after all, I'm enjoying the chat and they seem like a nice person. Yeah, here's where I should learn a lesson, if someone asks what I look like, they are obviously going to get hung up on looks. Anyway, it's about that point that the conversation turns from 'fairly decent' to 'I hate people'.
So many shitty assumptions come to light. It's unbelievable sometimes. People abandon all manner of pleasantness and go two places: Ask what my genitals look like, and treat me like I'm not a 'real' woman. Well, guess what, what my genitals look like don't make a difference to my gender and I am a real woman.
Worse than that is the people who are attracted to 'women' who seem to gloss over me like I'm not there. Guess what, if you're into women, I'm a valid option. When I'm looking for partners, I'm looking for people who are into women. Makes sense doesn't it? Seeing as I'm a woman.
It pisses me off so much. People think they have more right to tell me who I am than I have to define myself.
And fair enough, some people are just not aroused by penis's and vagina's but let me give you a little newsflash: A WOMAN CAN HAVE A PENIS AND A MAN CAN HAVE A VAGINA. You know what that means? If you don't like penis's, it doesn't mean you don't like men, it means you don't like penis's. Let's stop calling men 'men' and women 'women' based solely on the shape of their genitals. It's wrong and inaccurate, and it's offensive to those that don't fit in with the paradigm. And if you disagree? Well, I guess there are a whole host of people who either don't exist, because “there's no such thing as a man with a vagina or a woman with a penis” or have got it completely 'wrong', in which case, you're telling a whole group of people that you know better about who they are than they do, which should strike you as obviously ridiculous.
And then there's the people who see the pictures and say “you look like a man”... wait, what? There's a term used among trans people, “passing”, it means to look enough like your gender to stop people questioning whether or not you are your gender. I find it somewhat disgusting. Apparently I have to look 'like a woman'. I thought we were done telling men and women how they should look? I thought we were letting people have the right to look and wear what they liked now. I mean, look in the shops, more and more models are getting to the stage where men look more like women and women look more like men. They're hitting that supposed 'middle ground' called androgyny. Isn't the inherent sexism in all this obvious? Telling people that in order for them to be treated seriously as a person they have to act, talk, walk, and look like their gender?
So yeah, it gets me down sometimes, because there's people out there who seem to be reasonable, nice people, who turn out to be transphobic and sexist.
| 16 Jan 11, 8:57 PM Empress_Martine UK(HA), 2 yrs £       |
Sadly this is how some people behave towards us. Even if you are honest and upfront.Not every person understands but there are good people out there. I know a few. http://empressm7.uboot.com/ Vampire pro/lifestyle ts dom and switch. Age play mummy/aunty/AB ,medical play,domestic, energy and outdoor specialist. "Beyond the government,above the police ." | |
| 16 Jan 11, 10:47 PM Mistress_Maud 3 yrs |
While in principle you're right and I don't really fundamentally disagree with you to play devil's advocate I'm not sure political correctness comes into dating, people can't help not being attracted to certain races, genders, gender identities, physical sexes and all combinations. For something like online dating I don't see why you shouldn't be up front about such things as lets face it it is a big deal. If you can't handle people's honest reactions then I don't know why you'd continue to put yourself into that position again and again. In an ideal world everyone would be ok with it but people can't help what they're attracted to and unfortunately quite a lot of people aren't very polite about it either. Personally I find pre-op TSs profoundly sexually incompatible with myself, there's something about the arrangement that really doesn't work for me even if I'm really into the person. Does that make me a transphobe? Or just a slave to how my own mind is wired? Edited 16 Jan 11, 10:49 PM by Mistress_Maud | |
| 16 Jan 11, 11:34 PM maidmichellepetite UK, 8 yrs  |
Its a classic case of bad manners. If people have second thoughts or find they want to stop contact, politeness should not go out the window. As much as its hurts at times politeness and respect go a long way. I have not been as active in my scene for a while so being on the internet helps keep in contact and relieve some of the "not being out there" frustrations. I post my favourite photo's and delete my bad ones but thats not deceiving anyone. I always respond to how the other person sees their self and expect that back with me. if its a negative response i expect it constructive and within respect. The internet does have more than its fair share of false ignorant bigoted people which can be hurtful. I am a great believer in personal character. my biggest fear is cloning. Some attitudes are very strict pigeon holes that if you are a TG etc you must follow certain rules of dress and how you act. Who writes these so called rules. Am very sorry to hear about your experience Sockette Wench | |
| 17 Jan 11, 12:37 AM Liefsome UK(S), 3 yrs   |
I learned a long time ago that a preference isn't a prejudice, I typed the OP out while angry, so I probably wasn't so clear on this point. Wanting a child-birthing vagina, that's preference. Saying that those without one are not real women is ignorant, sustaining that belief when corrected? Prejudice. It is a bit of a basic language use thing, the calling out in this post isn't that people should twist their preferences, but shouldn't use their preference to ungender people. I guess political correctness has a place in online dating after all? I don't know, does this answer the devil's advocate? IC's Trans Related Group | |
| 17 Jan 11, 7:12 AM Mistress_Maud 3 yrs |
yep, you seem on the same page | |
| 17 Jan 11, 4:06 PM Liefsome UK(S), 3 yrs |
Oh good, I thought I'd flown off on a tangent. Anyone else gonna fly the devils advocate flag? IC's Trans Related Group | |
| 17 Jan 11, 4:11 PM Degenerate  UK(M), 5 yrs   |
yep it's annoying. I never answer questions about what's down my pants unless it's actually relevant! De Vote to repeal the kinky porn ban! http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/282427/ | |
| 17 Jan 11, 6:04 PM foibey UK(M), 7 yrs |
Slight side-note: Putting the word "political" in front of "correctness" does not make what is being discussed somehow incorrect or wrong... no matter how many people continue to use the terms this way. It's something I find really frustrating because the underlying tone is "Well, whilst in reality you're right, you are alas talking about a demonised bunch of people only the loony left would bother supporting so what you're saying doesn't count". I'm aware you're devil's advocating here Maud, I just wanted to vent my spleen on the abuse of the term "political correctness". Unless the supposedly "politically correct" thing is wrong in which case it's not politically correct either as far as I'm concerned. moo | |
| 17 Jan 11, 6:08 PM Degenerate UK(M), 5 yrs |
the devils seem pretty good at arguing their corner without our help De Vote to repeal the kinky porn ban! http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/282427/ | |
| 17 Jan 11, 6:58 PM mistresstsjade UK(LL), 20 mths £ |
I don't know what's going on in peoples heads...but when the subject arises...you know the person concerned isn't thinking "awwww she was male and now shes becoming what she was meant to be"....the are actually looking at you thinking...cock and balls..(or vicea versa).and that's all they can see through their cloud of gender hysteria as their mind fights to catch up.
I was shopping today and was mostly looking good, and feeling very good, as I looked for interview clothes. As I did I though/decided that if anyone felt the need to question me I would give a sensible gentle and polite reply, but I also decided that if started on I would stand my ground and give as good as I got...because..to get to the point...people ..males/females do seem to need confirmation of those around them, in order to monitor and shape their own behaviour and maintain the inner stability of their ego. Such is the fragility of the average individuals system of identity.
Harvest an armful of fresh nettles, bind a submissive in stringent restraints, fit the sub with a blindfold, caress their flesh from head to toe, then thrash until glowing welts mark the path of your touch, and be sure to keep the doc leafs far out of reach. |
